undoubtedly..

2006-12-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

Once there was a magical elf who lived in a rainbow tree.
He lived downstairs from a flatulent dwarf who constantly had to pee.
One day the elf could take no more,
so he went to bang on the rude dwarf's door,
and what do you know, they suddenly both were marrrrried.

hahahahahaha. super obsessed with this song now :D supposed to be about some teddy bear picnic. haha. watch open season. you'll get it. hahaha.

not really in the mood to blog about today? haha. plan after plan got cancelled. blehh.. spent the day watching movies. heh. erm, batman begins, hellboy and the lakehouse again. haha

i'm gonna change my blog url! so, heh. yeahs. i'll find a skin and change :D see ya at the new site later!!

2006-12-10T12:17:00.000+08:00

rah.
am rather bored at the moment.. stuck at home alone and shannon went offline before i could reply him. stupid coward piece of crap. haha. i think he prank called, seriously, he has nothing else better to do. if he didnt care he wouldnt give this kind of attention. ya da ya da.

rahhhhhhh. i have suddenly become addicted to xmas songs. HAHA! or well, trying to sing 'em. but then again, my voice is far from melodic.. heh. well, who cares. it's for singing and music put into the song :D

gah anyway. i have to meet joanne soon.. in an hour. and i'm in no way ready yet. AH WELLS. haha. she's going shopping and i'm tagging along. meeting her brother too. jeff wanted to come as well but changed his mind. i think, me and jeffrey need to have a very good talk. yesterday's loss of temper was rather...... bad. i was really yelling, almost yelled at the 'rents too. man.. worse that i thought really.

not helping that gabriel just sent me a friendster testimonial.

hey you.. i'm really sorry yeah. i never meant to hurt you. it was unintentional and i guess, i havent been all that fantastic a friend.but also, i'm too sure what you're so disappointed and hurt about. if it was my choice, i promise that i dont regret it... dont worry about me being hurt. i'm really sure of what i'm doing. i regret hurting him and disappointing you. but... im sorry, but thats it. i'm really happy with my choice, and i havent broken up the friendship with him at all. i know that it hurts too much to care, i know how you feel. but, i guess i owe you the explanation. if you're still pissed about the pangseh-ing thing, like i said, i just didnt wanna meet you while you were pissed. if you werent, then its my bad.. you sounded annoyed. is all. i'm sorry yeah? you still are one of my bestfriends.. love you..

I'm quiet, you know, you make a first impression. I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind! Even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine. Out of the back you fall in time, you somehow find, you and I collide.
collide.
howie day.

2006-12-10T01:24:00.000+08:00

The Artist in the Ambulance by Thrice

late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel lift me up
and i open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white
they flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and i am gone

now i lay here owing my life to a stranger
and i realize that empty words are not enough
i'm left here with the question of just
what have i to show except the promises i never kept?
i lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets

i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sounds

look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares
it gets me down but i'm still gonna try to do what's right, i know that there´s
a difference between slight of hand, and giving everything you have
there's a line drawn in the sand, i'm working up the will to cross it

i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sounds

rhetoric can't raise the dead
i'm sick of always talking when there's no change
rhetoric can't raise the dead
i'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow

late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel steal me from the
greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands
they've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance

i hope that i will never let you down
i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sounds
can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound

hehs.. song has been stuck in my head for AGES. man. story of my life? well, not actually. few random lines lah. hahaha. but this song is real nice. rock song, but really wonderful(:

yes as you can see my mood has improved. heh heh heh. and yea i have someone to thank for that!

SAMUEL: thanks for being there man(: iloveyou.

i believe in the sand beneath my toes, the beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling, i believe in the faith that grows, and the four right chords can make me cry. when i'm with you i feel like i could die, but that would be alright, alright.
semi-charmed life.
third eye blind.

"with you, everything feels so right.
in your arms all the wrong just melts away,
and nothing can ever break us apart.
you make me feel worthwhile again,
you make me so complete.

dont let us go breaking down,
okay?

i just know that i love you,
and i know you love me too.

with you it feels so right,
and it it's wrong,
i dont ever want to be right."

2006-12-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

this is going to sound ultimately childish and horrible.
but look me.

DO I CARE? not at moment, as least. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of EVERYTHING. what's up with you?! how can you lie to me this much? seriously, dont play me out guys. i can see through everything. it's all so fucking obvious. i see all of you together,having fun. and all you can say is: gurl where have you been?
I'VE BEEN HERE ALL THE FUCKIN TIME. we're always supposed to go out, we were all supposed to hang out together, but no. cant do that. nuh uhh. REG:YOU are just using me for testimonials. G: YOU only used me to get contacts at IJ. some bitch girlfriend for you eh? only i didnt give up the contacts. TOO BAD.

i am just so. so so stressed out. i see all the bloody pictures of you guys hanging out. yupp. i dont care that you guys hang out, i'm just pissed you dropped me SO easily. and yet you still cling on, cling on to USING ME. havent you guys drained me enough?!

oh and you. er. bestfriend or something? yupp. the very one. YOU. i'm sick of you. i'm sick of you complaining about everything, and not caring about me anymore. you know i dont tell things to people easily. only when i give up and really need to talk to someone. if not, my mouth is as shut as anything. you dont bug me anymore, you dont make me give it up. nowadays, its more:
"you okay? alright then."
you dont make me tell you anymore. you dont bug me for the truth. you dont offer to meet so you can lend me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. nope. you've changed man.. now, it's so much more about you.

oh dont get me wrong man, i care about you. so much man, that it hurts sometimes.. to care so much. but now you cant return the feeling anymore. sure, sure you're going through. or you were.. more or less you and your mother are settled. it's just her and her. yeah. and what about me? things i tell you.. stupid stuff to you maybe, to your so-called "matured" mind. BUT IT MEANS ALOT TO ME. example: why the hell would i care if she hates you? why? because it affects you, because it makes you sad, and because you mean something to me. if not why would i bother? do you realise that? do you understand?

i dont think you;re that mature. oh you are.. to that extent. more than the other GABRIELITES thats for sure.. but you;re not as mature as you think. or you would understand how much "it" means to me, that i can change. i've told you i've changed for so long, and yet you dont believe me. HOW CAN YOU BE ONE OF MY BESTFRIENDS IF YOU DONT GIVE ME THAT AMOUNT OF TRUST?! you keep saying YES its hard to change. it is, i cant change everything in one go... no human can. but if you cared to listen not hear you'd notice how hard i've been trying, and that there HAS been a change. not major, but enough. great friend you've been.

i guess i would be pissed that you went out with all of THEM and didnt bother about me, today. and you know how i feel about them.. but hey. thats stupid and its your life(: i'm annoyed, yeah. i admit it. but thats rather childish. so it dont matter. just what i mentioned above. hey bestfriend, you're still my bestfriend no matter what. just thought you should know.

but then again you read FIONN'S blog and who says you bother about mine?

sighs.. i'm just really annoyed right.. i'm sorry man. i cant take anything else at the moment. i dont wanna think about her. yeahs..

if it werent for you, i really think i would have lost it(:

2006-12-08T20:04:00.000+08:00

i'm at sam's place now..

THIRD EYE BLIND IS RELEASING A NEW CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-screams in utter happiness-
:D :D :D :D
yayy.. woohoooo :D

2006-12-08T12:30:00.000+08:00

:D

okay i'm really bored right now. haha. at least my messenger plus is back up and running. and i can upload CDs once again. alleluia :D my notre dame CDs are back inside.. i just have the run the rest thru. erm, tonighT? haha. i was considering spending the whole day at home. but ah wells. i'd have nothing else to do anyway. meeting secret affair for a mooooovie (i'm cow xDD) then meeting samuel :D yayyyyy. then dinner with ruth and colin.

sunday i'm meeting ANGIE :D tomorrow i guess there's bowling.. but i dont feel like going. at all. haha. time to catch up with the XBOX! me and xmen, halo 2, rainbow 6 (if i still remember how to play) and my favourite NEED FOR SPEED have been separated for too long. i miss 'em. if i still feel like it i'll play them tmr.

i'm so hungry. off to buy aunty cora for food xDDD

Mothers weep, children sleep. So much violence ends in silence, it's a shame there's no one to blame. For all the pain that life brings, if ypu will just take me it might just complete me; and together we can make a stand.
stand.
jewel.

2006-12-07T22:41:00.000+08:00

this is a rush post. seeing as how SOME people want me to blog faster. man. no one ever tags but they read. and the site counter is just bloody stupid....

AND I KNOW YOU BOTH ARE READING THIS :D
*pokes yer both lightly* heh heh :D

today was a pretty good day. heh heh heh. except for the waking up early thing. MANY CURSES ON YOU SHAWN! i hope you get well soon :D then i wont have to deliver food already. *evil laugh* no i'm kidding dear(: haha. it's no problem, really. as much as i complain, BUT WAKE UP AT THE DESIGNATED TIME DAMNIT. well, even if he isnt sick i still have to do wake up calls tmr at eight am.. have a feeling i'll oversleep. haha. after going to shawn;s went to martins!:D hahah. class. had a half an hour class. cut short cause i had to meet SOMEBODY. haha. learned chasing cars, mustang sally. yupps..

met SAM :DD hahahaha. we bought cup noodles and went all the way back to cathay. WHOOPS, sorry maN! hahaha. then got my cap :D xmas present from samuel. yayyy I LOVE YOUUU! then we took bus to ruths place. kinda stupid, cause the stop we were at had no 36. hahaha. dumb lahh. and yeah you know, i kept dropping my coins. haha. we finally made it to ruth's place.. almost missed thstop thou. haha.

perry took helluva long time to come. haha. so i told him to take a cab, and that i'd pay. but nooooooooo. he refused the money. stupid secret affair :D while waiting me, sam, colin and ruth watched a TEENSY bit of scary movie, and BLOOD DROPS. CSI epidode. heh heh. my faveee ep. they had the talk... and i really really really hope everything is okay. me and perry went to sam's house after that. yupp.

watched tv.. yupps. heh. then sam played with his effects. that guy is ONE KIND of obsessed man.. hahahah. then went for dinner... heh. KFC. woohoo.. hahaha. then after went home.. shawn called me :D haha. talked all the way homeeeee(: well until jeff called. hahaa. got my cash from joanne. heh heh. without interest, cause i'm nice.

so yeah.. i'm here now. hahah. rahhhhhhhhhhhh. on the phone with samuel now. heh heh :D i'm taking frickin' long to blog luh. haha. normal for me actu.. since sam and perry both had to leave, as in offline. so i took my time. hahaha. rahhh i'm bored now anyw. meeting em tmr. whee, cant wait :D

randomness?
dont click with my bloody valentine! haha
i.am.not.gonna.wake.up.at.6am.for.you.dominic :DD
i am bored.
heh heh. I LOVE YOU, YOU :D
i'm tired. hahahah.
i wanna eat toblerone.

It wasnt much to look at, it was a free ramblin man. There was a long time, no matter how I tried. The years they just rolled by, like a broken down dance.
angel from montgomery.
bonnie raitt & jackson browne.

2006-12-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

whee :D
i'm really really tired now.. so this just be kinda uhh. brief. except for the thing i have to say at the end.. hehhhhhh.

so anyway, SHAWN IS SICK): hahaha. he uh, call me go bring food to his house. ken and jc playing bball near his house, cannot call them. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo. must call me -.- fine so i live nearerrr.. but HAH! hahah okay nevermind. he wouldnt let me go anyway.. to go meet secret affair, ruth and colin.

but i finally did.

since we all had no intention of repeating last nights bout of my gastric, we went to eat (i should eat now actu.. since i havent eaten since the tiny icecream during th movie -.-) ate at KFC. yupps. i got my star pendant :D haha. but since it's xmas i'm gna be wearing my snowflake necklace :D i'm NEVER going to regret buying that. haha. ya know, it's kinda like the superman (with ice man) necklace. i really love it :D haha. yeahyeah so anyw. THANKS RUTH :D haha. then after that i didnt care, i went to pierce my ear. dont care what mum says. not gna pierce my tragus alr. heh. i WANT to. but i dont dare. so now i have EIGHT piercings (: (: (: my fave number. heh heh.

checked out movie timings, but it was abit late. like we had to wait super long. so we bused down to cathay. checked out the timings, around the same -.- so we just hung around in adidas till it was time. I WANT THE HATT :D i'm dragging sam to go buy tmr.. twenty two dollars. MY XMAS PRESENT TO MYSELF. well, no. since the bag alr is.. fine. my NEW YEAR PRESENT to myself. haha. damn, i need to get my spending down man. haha.

DECK THE HALLS was niceeee(: funny and touching at the same time. i like movies like that :D haha. oh and the part where they had speed skating, matthew broderick wore a latex rubber suit, you know for speed. except it was SKIN TIGHT and orange. and immediatly, no way could i control it, out dropped the words from my mouth

"oh my gosh a walking orange condom!"

hahahaha. i think the whole bloody theatre heard it luhh. haha. but it was really really funny :D and i couldnt help it. haha.

the secret affairs were becoming popsicles in the theatre. seriously, my whole body was all the way down, and the stupid air con was right above me. and this perry uhh.. say that he's SO cold he's gonna buy an adidas jacket. i thought he was kidding.. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! the stupid impulse buyer. ONE HUNDRED AND NINE FUCKING DOLLARS. haha. even the sales man said he admired perry's impulse buying. mann. haha

after that got my STARBUCKS :D then went to heeren flash & splash, to get colin's flip flops. heh. then went off to ruths place. well, perry left cause he had cell. but yupp. i used the computer her place awhile, then left. 20mins earlier than the other day.. and i got home JUST in time :D perfect haha. i was alone in the bus again -.- for like FIVE stops. bleh. dont like being alone.. haha. didnt ask anyone to call.. just listened to my MP3

THE FRICKIN FRENCH SCHOOL HAS A ROCK CLIMBING AREA!!!!!!!!!!

i wanna learn french): hahaha. as in, the language. not be in th school and learn everything in french. man. freaky. haha. so here i am anyw.. shawn's better now :D haha. who ask him go play bball in the RAIN now everyone's playing then he cant play. haha. hope perry is okay too.. his leg hurts -.- over stretch. stuuupiiiid..

ruth and colin are following me for the battle of charity thing :D

so anyway.. i know some people are disappointed by my choice. and i hurt someone too.. i wish i didnt. but, like you said someone was bound to get hurt. and it's just this whole SITUATION.. yeah. but so far, i have practically no regrets. and i'm feeling alot happier.. as in, better. like i said, i'd rather hurt someone honestly then lie to him/her.. and yes, i agree that he was the better choice, but this what my heart told me. and.. i think it's kinda better this way. no way am i gonna let go of the friendship (I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS :D HELLOOO!), not when we both shared so much. the fun, the laughter and just about everything. hey, no one;s perfect! i dont expect perfection. just the best you can be, all you can give. just nice, not perfect. and so far, all of you have been the best you can be.. i'm still really sorry about the choice. about disappointing you SO much, and hurting you SO bad. if i could change any part of the decision, it would be the fight and the disappointment. and of course the hurt. other than that.... frankly, honestly, i wouldnt change anything. it's the truth. and the truth hurts. but i do love you guys, you ARE really the best :D

here i'm going to be totally random:

DAVID! when's my swensons lunchh? :D

JC AND KEN! stop shawn from playing bball.

PERRY! i ban you from playing bball as well :D

YOUUU! you made me cryyy. haha. asshole <3

me? i'm tired. GO SLEEP SARAH! hahaha

what? so i'm highhhhh(:

LOVES YA ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

So i told you lies, Even made you cry. Baby i was so wrong. Girl i promise you, Now my love is true, this is where my heart belongs

back here.

BBmak.

2006-12-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

i was planning to blog something long today. but then again, my mood changed. along with my life. not in the good sense though. SIGH. life sucks anyway. rahh

yesterday, caught open season :D good show. haha. and the ads were superr funny man. heh.

crazy scientist man: "get the boy get the boy! why arent you getting the boy?!"
-t.rex tries by cannot get to the boy since the boy is stuck in the corner-
t.rex: roar roar roar roar rawwrrhh!
-translation? "i have big head and little hands!-

it's frickin cute :D me and secret affair were laughing our heads off. haha. it was a good show though. yupps. i dont mind watching it again i guess. catching deck the halls tomorrow anyway. after that we went to ruths house. and colin came over too. hell alot of stuff happened then. yeah. kinda freaked me out. terrifying. i like that word. terrifying. it describes my mood all the time these days. that and freaked out, fear, anger and sadness. but that wasnt important.

there's a straightbus from her house to mine :D yay. but the bus right was long and ALONE. really really scary. i got nigel/SJI to call me.. and we chatted. caught up and stuff :D it was a good one anyway.. congrats on th new girlfriend nigel xD hope it works out for you. yupp. the roads were fucking annoying too. from kovan to tampines to hougang. freaky. haha but ah wells.

when i got home, i was LATE. but i didnt know.. still happily chatting with nigel. then suddenly i saw the time, i told him to call me back. then i screamed FUCK and ran. dropping my phone. then i dropped my mp3 and screamed... wait for it....WAIT for it.. DOUBLE FUCK, yes, and i'm serious :D

today well.. played squash with secret affair in the morning then he came over. then met ruth and colin at bishan, and THEY came over too. haha. slacked around a bit. and hmm. yeah. then we went to orchard to do ruths tragus piercing. we have to do it at a body piercing shop -.- blah. oh wells. i guess. heh. I'M PAYING FOR IT :D cause i'm nice. haha.

met mum and dad at cathay (AFTER getting secret affairs new shirt. haha!) billy bombers. heh heh. there was this bloody cute blur toot serving us. heh. he spilled water on me, and spilled coke on ruth and secret affair -.- and when i ordered root beer, WITHOUT the float. he was like "yes we have *smile*. one root beer? not float? root beer? have. oh okay." hahahahaha funny like er HMM.

mum says i'll do well waiteressing :D or selling stuff. or working as a movies ticket vendor or whatever you call it :D she says i have good people skills and a bright smile. though the smile aint that bright cause of my tea stains):

ruth, colin and secret affair left.. then we went home): didnt get my bailey's milkshake. dad changed his mind. RAH. cuss you daddayyee! nah i'm kidding :D i love my family to bits. i'm lucky.. hm. yeah.

oh yeahh. i had gastric. HAHA! i only had two taquitos lorr. haha. but yeah, thanks colin for the sotong balls :D dont think sick.. i was refusing to eat, they made me.. but i hope secret affair is okay..

but oh sigh. its never as fantastic as it seems yeah? everything could all just crumble. i'm feeling so terrified of what might happen, of what he'll do. and what he'll do when i tell him my decision. or my half decision.. since i'm still not sure. but i'm terrified. it;s the only word i can think of. people might think its so easy. but it's not when you're me. when you analyze every single freaking detail and you cant let go because your mind is just like that. it wont let go till you make the decision. i'm so drained dry. with everything thats been happening. my fucking computer has gone haywire, my bestfriend doesnt understand that experiences changes a person, plus the confusion and thoughts i've been having.. it's all.. everything. i'm... i'm slowly slowly killing myself. torturing myself.. draining myself dry. and i cant stop it. late nights have not been helping. everything seems to be so... i feel so helpless, and i'm so terrified. i'm just so wasted. i cant stop ANALYZING it. everything. no matter what i do someone's gonna get hurt. if its me, it doesnt exactly matter so much. i dont know.. i cant get it out of my head. i feel so guilty, i feel like crap. it;s tearing them apart, it's killing me and it;s hurt them bad. this is like the extreme of extreme. better if i dont exist.

please please please answer your phone.. i'm dying here needing to know if you're alright or not. i'm sorry.. man, i'm sorry.
i love you. i promise..

hey god, you there? if you take me now, and cancel my existence, i couldnt care less.. cause then we'd all be happy. but can you hear me?

In the burning Heart, just about to burst. There's a quest for answers, an unquenchable thirst. In the darkest night, rising like a spire. In the burning heart, the unmistakable fire.
burning heart.
survivor.

2006-12-04T01:24:00.000+08:00

RAH
i'm fucking tired now lah
haha. my eyes are frickin blood shot. i only managed to sleep last night at 5am, after hanging up with secret affair around 4am? heh. i couldnt sleep. haha. and on friday night i also only managed to sleep at 5am cause of sam -.- heh

anyway, today was movie marathon day. as usual. haha. managed to catch the lake house, phantom of the opera and half of batman: the beginning. and as usual, almost cried during phantom): he's SO sadistic but SO passionate and SO hot. as in, the other half. haha. after that we went for teppanyaki dinner :D at the jap resteraunt on top or riverside hoteL? or somethiing like that.. hahah. FINALLY LAH! :D i love teppanyaki(: (:

it;s gonna be a busy week man.. meeting maryanne (NOT WEE) at orchard tmr. shopping for my BAG :D then tuesday meeting RUTH :D wednesday i gotta run with secret affair then a movie.. and thurs meeting sam :D and friday will be squash and then CYF. i havent gone in AGES! i feel unfaithful and unholy -.- haha

oh yeah. i have guitar class tmr -.-

i'm super tired man.. haha. lazy to blog. rahhhhh. bloody blood-shot eyes. heh heh. alrights then. off to sleep now :D

i'm so cold):

OH YEAH! i might be getting my 8GB iPod if i got GKK's hint right :D he said he'll get it for me fer xmas.. but then again. with him you never know.. :D

honey why you cryin', is everything okay? i gotta whisper cause i cant be too loud. well, my girl's in the next room, sometime i wish she was you. i guess we never really moved on.
lips of an angel.
hinder.

DAMN FUCKING HUIHALIA NICE SONG :DD
i wanna marry it
and my new wallet
and my adidas jacket HAHA

you dont know how much i want it): but i dont know if i wanna do this. rushing seems so wrong, yet with you it seems so right. but dammit boy, they wont let it happen. somehow dont know what i should do. it could give us time, but it just separates us. damn right i feel the same. i wonder if it was such a good idea?

2006-12-01T23:29:00.000+08:00

lalala.
okay.. today i was a really marvolous day actually. but i'm feeling confused. not.. depressed. but confused. yupp. will tell all in awhile. maybe i'll feel better after saying all i have to?

anyway, went out with mum dad and ryan today. got my school books. and ICE BALL :D haha. brings back memories for mum and dad. mum literally went crazy when she saw it xD haha. after that went to MARINA SQUARE. billy bombers for lunch. totally full up luhh. yeaps. then went to charles and keith and i got my HEELS and my lovely new strappy FLATS :D haha. the guy there was damn funny.. went in to search for our shoes and took uhrrr TWENTY MINUTES! and no i am NOT exagerrating. GOSH *shakes head* haha. and he got the wrong shoe too -.- oh and he said one particular design was out of stock but noooooooooooo! it wasnt. blur toot. haha. off to zara and mango after that :D

took bloody long there though. shopping here and there. heh heh. bought eh, 5 tops i think? and there was this super nice off the shoulder top at mango which i ALMOST bought. but mum said no in the end): and the nice bag i saw, which is kinda ahlian cause it's a bit shiny.. but bleah. haha. didnt buy it thou. dad got really pissed cause we took super long, and we kept going toilet cause i wanted to change, but it was all crowded -.- went vivo after that.

VIVOCITY IS SUPER CROWDED LUH PLS! haha. well yeah. official opening. i swear, the cinema was BURSTING with people. yes, it was. there we just shopped around.. hmm. cant remember what i did there. hahah OH. we went to levi's and spent a small fortune there. 250 on ryans jeans, 80 on my wallet (WHICH I WILL PAY EM BACK FOR), 90 for dads jeans and 60 for GKKs wallet. yupps. mum actually wanted to buy these 3-quart jeans with swarovski crystals on 'em.. she looked uber HOT in them :D haha. but it was 250 -.- so in the end she didnt buy. OH AND WE SAW THESE MEN IS BLUE AND GREEN LATEX (or really really tight rubber) SUITS! so completely GUHROSS. promoting standard chartered bank. heh. mum said they look like condoms. yes mum. okay, whatever you say.. hahah.

then dad got his crocs and we walked around the spanish section. TOTALLY NICE LUH. [i wanna learn spanish and french. haha. but i have to get the pronounciations down pat. and my english alr sucks lah):] but how much is nice-ness? A MINI FORTUNE. gosh. haha

IM IN LOVE WITH MY NEW LEVIS WALLET. i love it so much i wanna marry it. i dont care! haha. dad already gave his blessings :D

oh then me and mum met mandy :D well, met vivian and yulica and mandy at th mrt. dhoby ghaut. they had to leave thou.. i mean vivi and yuli. VIVIAN IS DAMN SKINNY PLS. haha. then me and mandy walked over to th cathay and i gave her, her bday present :D haha. cause she wanted to do her eyebrows. so yupp. didd mine too. then mum got hers done, and paid for our movie :D haha. happy feet again. i'll NEVER get sick of th songs, honestly. heh heh. we were sitting right at the back and i had this phobia that 'the ring' scary ghost person would pop up behind us. it was freaky. haha. but the day was fun :D and my eyebrows are nicer now. haha. mum said MAYBE i can get lash extensions, though my curl is okay alr.. only the length): and after sec school, EYE LINER TATOOO! yayy. i just have to wait 3 years. bleah. ahhaha. oh wells, i'd wait alot longer depending on what it was i'm waiting for..... okay fine maybe not.

we dropped mandy off at bishan mrt then went home. so yupps here i am.

first of all, i wanna say what got me thru the really bad time:
a few of my friends
my family
random shopping sprees
my NEW handphone
and...
CHOCOLATE.

yes chocolate. the wonderful delicacy dropped from the heavens above or what i like to call, THE COCOA TREE :D haha. kidding. but seriously. it calms me down and gets my happy endorphims going. try it. haha. seriously, do. and if you're willing to fork out 5 dollars for a short span of happiness, buy milanos. haha.

so here's the download on whats been confusing me.

justin.
yeah. he's been confusing me. oh-so much. you know, i thought he was different. i really thought he was.. believing my feelings and him to be true, i jumped in head first, i didnt think, it just happened. and, i got screwed. big time. UH. NOT LITERALLY. but ya know, i got cheated and stuff. yeah.

i really loved him, i did. not unconditionally.. though with time and the right mindset from him i would have. and i made the mistake of telling him i love him, MORE THAN A FRIEND. meaning; unconditionally. something i'm not willing to repeat. those 3 words are used so freqently, you dont know when they actually do mean something. which is why i dont use it on a boyfriend until i mean it unconditionally. (for friends and family, DUH! of course i love them unconditionally! :D) i'll know i'll know it when i feel it. yeah.

of course, i'll still tell him i love him. but he'll have to know what i mean when i say it. yupps.

anyway, back to it. i really did love justin. alot more than i thought i did, and alot more than could mean to me. he was different, at least, i thought he was. something set him apart... but alot of other things put him back in the same category of an ASSHOLE. it sucks so much, to feel for someone so much, and get your heart thrown back at you by the same guy. like, uh, 5 times? around there. it's too many to count.

he did tell me he loved me too. and yeah i believed him, with all my heart i did. only, guess what, we weren't attached. yupp. we werent, we arent and we never will be. i once told him, that once he gets his priorities straight maybe we can be kind-of-steads-but-kind-of-not cause that was he wanted, but he had to get his priorities straight first.. now however, it's not going to happen. nothings between us is going to go further than a friendship. i'll PERSONALLY make sure of it. he hurt me, alot. i loved him, i did. and now, its nothing. it meant nothing, i mean nothing to him and to that, i salute you justin.

he only wanted our "relationship" to stay as a "kind-of-affair" because he liked 2 others girls. or 3. or more. i dont know.. but he wanted to keep his options open for a better girl. better than me, loads better than me. i think he just used me to make him look cool, to show that he IS capable of getting into a relationship. but it was fake, he used me. and i think i was the only one foolish enough to fall for it. an apology, a few sweet words and i'm back in his arms.

hey, i'm old fashioned and i'm weak in that catergory. what can i say eh?

but yes. now we're over for good. i will ignore him until im sure nothing is going to happen. and we're getting real close to that department..

now, i guess it's the climax? err.. yeah. haha. there's this other guy. yupp.. really nice, way nice. heh. different from other guys, not the type of assholes i usually fall for (-.-) he's just an all round nice guy. which, technically could be a good thing. a good change for me, refreshing. and maybe it'll work. but i'm worried, i'm so worried about myself.. as usual i'm falling too fast. way too fast. he's a great guy, he is. i know he is. but i'm worried.. what could happen eh? i guess he's too nice a guy for any shit to happen.. but after what justin and geovenn and kenneth and dominic did to me, what am i supposed to do?

i dont want to fall so fast, yet i dont want to back out. maybe, test the waters out tentatively. see where it'll go. my standards have changed now.. (thats SO formal lah. whoops =X) more stricter.. big change? he cant be my friend, he has to be one of my BESTFRIENDS. understand me inside from out, handle my extremely sensitive nature and horrible ghastly mood swings. i know.. it's gonna be hard. what i'm searching for is the real thing, my soul mate. or close to it. but maybe, i guess me and him, we can give it a try.

thanks to justin; i'm insecure. but i'm also more careful and cautious. and that in it can be a good thing(:

yayy! I'M NOT CONFUSED ANYMORE! i feel loads better :D add a chocolate and i'll feel A-MAZZZING! heh heh..

jeffrey; i'm glad you sorted out things with your mum(= i TOLD you having a good talk would calm things out.. heh heh. yupp. and with fionn as well, i know it was hard but its still the right thing to do. better hurt her honestly than dishonestly, it'll come back to bite you in the ass you know.

gary; i'm really happy that you're not going to do that thingy. i'm glad of the promise we made, and the feeelings we share. we're on the same boat, and it's amazing to be able to share it so closely with someone(: now you have the motivation to live. keep smiling man!

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home and slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be,

And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind,
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling,
So I just try,
Fail and try and try again,
Someday I swear I'm going to get it,
Because I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is,
the mistakes we knew we were making.
straylight run.

check out the whole song here :D
http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/S/Straylight-Run/Mistakes-We-Knew-We-Were-Making.html
it's am AMAZING song that connects with my feelings.
along a poem titled:
The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufock by TS. Elliot.
awesome stuff. promise i will put it here soon :D

[EDIT/] I WANNA KILL SAMUEL LEE. stupid ass. haha. he totally freaked me out on the phone just now! now i have to sleep with the lights ON and i have to keep looking out.. i keep hearing noise): i was seriously on the verge of tears man. haha. DUDE: it's alright lahh. haha. just dont do it again.. apparently you dont know me well enough to know that i'm super freaked by these things. and i DO mean super freaked out. i was seriously gonna cry! but dont feel so bad lah.. i'm fine now(:

2006-12-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

RUTH ROCKS :D

yupp.you're the best babe. first the scold-the-shit-off-geovenn thing and now really this. making me feel alot better again. it may not seem much, but it means alot to me. way alot. I LOVE YOU DEAR :D

it's december FIRST!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDAYYEEE!
darling wife-bestfriend-crazy retard and WIND BLOWER :D oh and the TURNING. heh heh. you;re 14! but guess whaat, i'm still older than youuu *grins* thanks for the love the care and the fun you've showered on me. I LOVE YOU!

alright. today was a basic hang around the house and bum around day. yeaps. training was basically.. alright. it;s alternate -.- the last training uncle billy said i'm a changed woman. for the worst. today he said i'm "very good." direct quote. heh heh. cause it was easy, just stay low, roll the ball under the towel. haha. and considering my physical state today its gooood. i was bloody tired.

fell asleep while waiting for 3 oclock. i was late for my errr... appoinment thingy. haha. SHH! then i had a good relaxing time. didnt fall asleep.. cause it hurt. then i went home and slept with BANDIT! :D hey doggie. hahaa. loves my doggie shooo much *baby babble talk* hahaha! oh yeah.. i went up to the top floor. it's calming.

MILANO COOKIES ARE CALMING TOO!

so anyway, i'm rather tired now. do my transfering of songs then i'm off to bed :D

SARAH VAUGHNNNNN!

never know how much i love you, never know how much i care. when you put my arms around me, i get a fever thats so hard to bear; YOU GIVE ME FEVER! when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight.. FEVER, in the morning. fever all through the night...
fever.
peggy lee.

2006-11-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

okay so i'm kinda in a bad mood right now.

no help cause i'm still fucking confused over what to do... big help those 3 i asked were. hahaha. no i'm kidding, thanks for being there(: but i'm still confused. and also, on the way home just now some guy asked me what school i go too. he wasnt carrying any file or sheets or anything. just empty handed. he was gonna say something else but i got him off saying i had to rush off and just ran. yeah, ran. and i also had th nasty feeling i was being followed.... and my feelings arent always too far from the truth.

reached home 2 minutes late. but dad was busy, so he didnt notice :D alleluia. so now, i shall PROPERLY update on my day..

was supposed to meet jeff for lunch and stuff cause he wanted to buy some flowers for his AHEM kind-of-maybe-i-dont-know-what-you-call-it AHEM girlfriend. haha. sorry, bad cough there. hahahahaha. but yeah, note word SUPPOSED. so he cancelled. met joanne under my house. passed her th 20bucks :D she owes ME now okay.. haha. i feel rich.

then met perry. bleah. as you can tell from my previous post, i was WAAAAY late. haha. went to novena (YES I REALISE THAT I SHOULDA TOLD HIM TO STAY THERE. hahahah :D) and yes i got my MILANO COOKIES (((x soooooooooo happy okay! those things are a GIVEN! heh heh. gna snap up a few orange ones later(:

met sam and his dad in the mrt. then we went to sam;s house. yupp. i was FORCED to play guitar (haha) and sam was showing off his skills and his new effects -.- zoom G something or other. haha. since i cant do this with his skills, i shall take his effects and shove 'em up his ass. i'm make them fit somehow. hahahaha. yeah so i'm jealous. but his is strat is a squire, not a fender. whahah. strike one :D

we watched a little mtv, then they went down to play soccer. after watching perry nearly breaking windows like seventeen hundred times and sam having to run for the ball super duper far away, i got bored. so we played monkey. and boy, do they LOVE to bully me! damn(: hahaha.

they showered and yeah i waited. i donated samantha (sam's sis) half of my coookiessss :D hahah. mint! i'm nice, but hey she's real sweet(: she thinks i'm older than SAM! whahahaha. loserrrr.

went for dinner at KFC after, then here i am. at home. it was a fun day out guys, THANKS SO MUCH! xDDD

anyway, somethings up right now.. bleah. to you, i'm really really really sorry. i didnt think, and yeah i guess i'm intruding too much in the friendship. if you want me to back out, i will. just say the words. and i really didnt know they were supposed to meet you today, or i swear, actuAlly i promise seeing as i cant swear but i'm willing to, that nothing would have happened. but i';m really sorry.. and.. yeah. you know, you're one of my greatest friends dear. and you're their bestfriend. it would really be a great loss to lose such a great friendship. thanks for being the best, i love you.

AND TO YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU. not in relation to the ABOVE! thanks man. it's really true. YOU'RE FUCKING USERS. especially to the leader of the gang. great man. thanks for being a really good son (big hint but i dont care), thanks for saying you'll always be here and that you care for me. THANKS FOR IT ALL. cause you dont mean a thing. thank goodness I'M the one who broke off, instead of you chasing me off. gosh, what kind of fucking person do you think you care? THAT IS SO FUCKING INHUMAN YOU EGOISTICAL ASSHOLE. have you got nothing else to do? now i have nothing to offer but my friendship, seeing as how i refused to introduce you to any of my friends which i now see is a GOOD thing, which was all i had to give in the first place. i cant see why you want to throw me down. you're a pathetic excuse for a friend. and to the rest of you, off with your heads. i dont see why you deserve them anyway. and the pathetic thing is that i still care for your wellbeing and mental state. genuinely.

dear god,
hey god. you up there? are you listening? listening to my deranged madness and insatiable thirst for everything? are you listening to my cries and my pleas for safety, for solitude, for happiness, for satisfaction, for contentment? i cant help it.. i want to be contented. i want to be happy with what i have. but i cant see that side of thing. i cant see the good, i only see the bad. and somehow it's killing me. i dont wanna be so unhappy. i want to appreciate what i have.. and i cant even that simple selfless thing. i'm such a selfish person.

hey god, you there? can you hear me? i know you can.. but right now i'm wondering if i'm really that screwed up that even you dont care... i'm supposed to believe you do. somehow, i know you do. but why must my lesson be learnt this way? i suppose it's the right way.. but...... i'm selfish.

can you hear me? it's all about me now. i'm selfish.. i wonder if you care.. about ME.

Pull me under, pull me under. Pull me under, I'm not afraid. Living my life too much in the sun, only until your will is done.. Oh that this too, too solid flesh would melt
pull me under.
dream theatre.

2006-11-29T14:22:00.000+08:00

okay perry's at novena already -.-

I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW! but i'll blog first. haha WHOOPS. my secret stash of cookies and sweets ran out yesterday): black cherry sweets and chocolate digestives): oh well. haha. gonna meet him, pass him some cash and replenish th stock :D big craving for mint and orange milanos anyway.

hm, might go to church if perry doesnt mind.. if not. ah well. we'll see.

MILANO TREATS HERE I COME :D

blahh. i better go.

i sit and wait does an angel contemplate my fate. and do they they the places where we go when we're grey and old? cause i have been told, that salvation, lets their wings unfold. so when i'm lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head, and i feel that love is there; i'm loving angels instead.
angels.
robbie williams.

2006-11-28T01:37:00.000+08:00

i'm not gonna bother deleting the other posts, though i actually feel alot better, thanks to DOMINIC :D i love you dear. haha. yes, unexpected. but i ran into him at J8 and he walked me home. yupss..

he told me life is as bad as i let it be. (not like i dont already know that but he reassuring me and stuff was alot of comfort) and that i should focus on other stuff, not just this.. worthless-ness i'm feeling. cause i'm not. or something like that.. and i should look after my own feelings more, yeah. and the song always wear sunscreen helped too. yupps.

so today was a good one. the last few days have been too.. thanks for all the fun guys :D

i met jeremy around 3pm with his friend nicholas. heh. nicholas is nice! haha. rather hot too! nono i was kidding. jeremy looks the same anyway. only more talkative. OH YEAH I WAS LATE! haha. nick left and me and jeremy just talkedd... at starbucks. then he had to go REAL SOON -.- so i called and called and called and MESSAGED a thousand and one people. the only people who were free could only meet after 7 -.- TWO HOURS LAH! hahaha. (he had to go at 5) but surprisingly, jiarong let me tag along with him and yuls. THANK YOU :D

they wanted to catch 9:56 so i tagged along. in the end i couldnt get in. I GOT FREAKING CARDED. blahh. stupid bitch, but ah wells. hope fully i'll look 20 when i'm 30. i mean COME ON, JIARONG SAYS I LOOK 16!! *screams* haha. oh well): so i just left lah.

went to J8 to pierce my ear... ALONE. i did it before i backed out lah.. haha. then suddenly after i pierce someone screamed BOO and ranaway. stupid nigel! hate you. hahaha. then while at 7-11 i saw DOM :D yeah so we had a good chat. unexpected ehh. he just abandoned his family and walked me home(:

come to think of it, i need to get th gang together again. mitch, michelle, dominic, kenneth and alex. the old gang. of cousins and sisters and im th outsider -.- ah well. all busy with JC and poly anyw...

so it's been an okay day.; yupp.

thanks to jeffrey for trying to reassure me;
thanks to perry for all the songs and comfort;
thanks to dominic for the advice and guidance;

i still feel like crap, but at least i feel better :D

yupp. i wont make it a long thank you today though.. i'm dead tired, and i have to go sleep. yupp. haha

i see the course we're on, spinning farther from what i know. i'll hold on, just tell me that you wont let go.
say it's possible.
terra naomi.

I LOVE THIS SONG! thank you perry :D

2006-11-27T02:00:00.000+08:00

i cant take it.

i cant take being me. i cant take everything thats happening why my life is so fucked up. i'm not blaming anyone. i'm blaming me. selfish.

all about me.

well, i dont care anymore. i cant take it. i dont deserve to be here, i dont deserve anything. i hate myself so much and it all... oh gosh.. whats wrong with me. i'm losing i'm losing i'm losing it.

just think about a world without me. isnt it wonderful? i think i'd be alot happer too, considering how i feel now. why the hell... you know, everything felt so right that moment. maybe, i could trust you. i thought i could. AND BOOM. everything disappeared. everything. what am i supposed to think now? who am i supposed to trust? what am i supposed to do now?

everything, everything is all gone. thanks for practically killing me.

oh look. i'm blaming someone. but see, it all comes back to me. if i werent such a fucked ugly fat ass bitch, if i werent so selfish and shit, maybe life would be a whole lot better. no scratch that, i need to be NON EXSISTENT before that can happen.

someone please kill me, before i back out.

2006-11-27T01:33:00.000+08:00

i feel like shit.

everything;s falling apart. my life, my friends, my family, my beliefs. everything. i dont know what to do anymore. what else is there to live for when everything's falling apart?

name me one thing that i'm genuinely good at, NAME IT. there's nothing. nothing nothing nothing.

just when i think everythings gonna be fine, someone has to shove it back in my face that it's all ruined. that all i hope for is gone, that everythings all wrong.

ohmygosh.
i dont know what to do. they say that if you wanna die, you'll just do it. you wont say anything. it's true. but, I WANT TO DIE. i just dont really want to. i dont know. i just...

i'm losing it. FUCK IT MAN. what the hell is so wrong with me that i feel like this?! everythings falling apart. everything. i believed in it. i did. now i dont know what to believe. i let my guard down. now i swear i wont, ever again.

thats it. if life doesnt improve from there, then maybe i just might die.

now what other way is there to torture myself?

2006-11-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

wasnt actually planning on blogging.. but i have nothing else to do. anyway, i owe this to both marissa and jessica.

marissa: hey dear! congratulations on your marks! it doesnt matter how much you got. it doesnt matter AT ALL. you put in the effort, you worked for it, and hell. PSLE score doesnt matter pls! primary and secondary is alot different. so who knows, you might be the STAR in secondary school! besides, maths is alot easier here. though i still flunk it cause i hate it. but dear girl, i have faith in you. i believe in you, i know you can do it(: and i'm your SENIOR! now you have me available no matter what! *noDS*
jessica: hey babe! wow, you've changed way alot. eye liner, make up. GURL YOU LOOK OLDER THAN ME! gosh. haha. anyway, chill okay? why do you need to know so many older people? whats up with that? you're a sweet girl, just be yourself. you dont have to be anything else. okay so, PSLE. hey you didnt do bad! your chinese pulled you up ehh. heh. well, you'll do fine alright? just dont be so... wannabe old-ish or whatsit.

thanks to perry for your help, ruth for everything you've done and NICK GAN! for today(: you're the best dear!

okay. done.

remember the compliments you recieve, and forget the insults. if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
always wear sunscreen.
various artists.

weird yet cool song.

2006-11-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

okay. i have to say this.

RUTH! you're the best dear! i saw the frickin shock on his face to what you said and when i appeared it was like, BOOM! i really didnt think it would so much to you, what he did.... and you went to screw him upside down. um, rhetorically, NOT literally. haha. but i really appreciate what you did, the trouble you went through. and all the anger and pain you felt, just for me. you didnt have to do it, we could have just let it go, let it happen. forget it. but you didnt, you beat the crap out of him. (AGAIN, rhetorical) thanks for what you did babe; I love ya!

shawn, ken, JC: THANKS FOR THE CROSS DARLINGS! :D hahahahahah

oh and thanks for the fun day (and totally grossly sick and mindblowingly painful [bet that made you think sick!]) today. colin, perry, samuel and ruth. thank you!

i'm in a very very very bad mood at the moment. totally.

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear. And I can't help but ask myself how much, I'll let the fear, take the wheel and steer. It's driven me before ,and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal.
drive.
incubus.

2006-11-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

gosh.
everyone says this is should be the happiest time of my life.
yupp. way happiest. when you smile and laugh and enjoy everything.

dont get my wrong, i appreciate what i have. but i know what i dont either. and thats my self esteem. it's all gone. it was a slow accumalated loss however, a buildup. or whatever you want to call it. and i thank you all for making me lose it, my self esteem. and encouraging me to lose it as well. YOU'RE THE GREATEST! THANKS ALOT!

and noooo. that wasnt sarcasm.

friday's coming. somethings going to happen again. and i want to swear, oh gosh i really really do. but it'll just make me feel worse. HEY in the state i'm in thats not possible. i cant feel any worse. at all. although, anything is possible...

oh yes. thanks guys. thanks for NOT calling. yupp, not one person has asked are you okay? or called to hear me crying. you know, after being pushed away for SO long you'd think it's easy for me to let go. NOT! do you know how hard it is for me? my life? pull and prod a bit. ABIT! no onje's been there to wipe away my tears, share my fears and just be there. it's just a "cheer up okay?" or a "are you okay? oh. okay. why? oh okay." and then end of subject. in fact it's usually just a are you okay?

oh man what am i saying. i'm so delusional. OF COURSE no one cares about me! i mean, c'mon this is ME we're -pardon me- I'M talking about.

dont say it's all about me. PLEASE. I KNOW IT IS. i feel so selfish. you think i dont? i'm being selfish just by making this all about ME. but i'm sick of helping when i'm not wanted. and excuse me, people ask for the help. and no, i do not mean countering what i say to confirm their own opinion, i mean: YOU SUCK SARAH YOU CANT EVEN GIVE GOOD ADVICE.

trust me, i know. i know i know i know.

and now, thanks to all of you, i cant get it out of my head.

that i'm a slut i'm a whore i'm so fat i'm so ugly i'm so selfish i'm so worthless i'm so useless i'm so stupid i'm so poser-esqe i'm so wannabe-ish, SO NOTHING.

thanks. now i know what i am.

and now i dont know what to do. it's all gone right? everything. there's practically nothing for me.. no one's there. no one cares.

now i know it;s true.

2006-11-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

i dont know
i dont know.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

everything's so wrong.
all i try to do.
i take the bloody fucking risk to end up with NOTHING!

why the hell does it matter anymore! why do i pretend so much!

oh. right. cause no one cares.

I DONT WANT TO CARE ANYMORE EITHER.
i dont want to love everyone so much it hurts and not get anything in return. i dont want to bloody give advice or guidance WHEN I'M ASKED FOR IT or its in dire need and then get frigging pushed away. i dont want to worry so much about people who dont worry about me. i dont want to love a guy whom i have no chance with and yet i still lead myself on. i dont want to be ME anymore. at least..

i KNOW i dont wanna die.
it's a fucking excuse for hating myself so much.

whats so wrong with me that no one can stand me, not even myself? whats so hideous about me that everyone stares right through? cant i SHOW my feelings properly? that i care, NOT THAT I WANT TO KNOW FOR THE FUN OF IT?! why cant i treat my friends better, my own body better, and hell even my family.

why cant i stop all the shit thats going on? EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. IF IT HADNT BEEN FOR ME NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. IF I WERENT SUCH A FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF CRAP, NOTHING BAD WOULD HAPPEN. NOTHING WOULD MATTER SO MUCH.

my existence is nothing but a mere piece of dirt floating in the air. it harms everything. in some way or other, and when it;s gone no one will care or notice. an irritation, an annoyance. everything i am.

I'M A WHORE. I'M A SLUT. YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME ALL THAT BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW IT. I KNOW I'M A LOSER, I KNOW I SUCK, I KNOW THAT IF NOT FOR ME YOU WOULD BE ALOT HAPPIER. i know that if i didnt exist, things would be SO much better for all of you.

i know you all curse my existence, trust me, i do too.

i'm here for nothing. i've done NOTHING right. fine, so i do the worst right. THATS ABOUT AT GOOD AS IT GETS.

good for nothing, useless, worthless me. and selfish. this is all about me. everything. usually i'm not so careless with my words, usually i care. i wonder why i care so much when i cant care about myself.

i'm so fat i'm so ugly i'm so useless. there's nothing, no one, NOT ANYTHING for me. nothing.

i swear to you no one will call me after this. no one takes the time or initiative.
GET USED TO IT SARAH YOU BITCH!

doesnt matter.. no one will call. no one will care.

and i just cant accept that little tiny piece of FACT.

i'm useless, good for nothing, WORTHLESS, no one cares sarah! GET THAT IN YOUR FUCKING HEAD! nothing, NOTHING IS WORTH YOU. why do you think no one cares no one notices no one calls?! no one. how long has it been since you felt APPRECIATED since you felt WANTED since you felt a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT since you made someone feel BETTER since you felt COMPLETELY HAPPY? delirious? how long has it beenn..

just asking, are you okay? isnt enough. not everyone wants to let go.

I HATE MY LIFE.
I HATE MY EXISTENCE.
BUT MOST OF ALL;
I HATE ME.

and everything, everyone. can go about your own lives(:
CAUSE I'M JUST A PIECE OF DIRT FLOATING IN TH AIR.

2006-11-21T02:07:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so cold. and so alone.
i dont know what to do anymore..
i dont know if anything is worth it is anymore.

everything seems so hopeless;
i know... there's so much more to live for.
but the notion is stuck in my head.

that i'm a selfish, arrogant, horrible bitch.
fat, ugly. GOOD FOR NOTHING.
it's stuckstuckstuck in my head.
i dont know what to do.
dying is the wrong way out.s

sometimes the wrong is the right way...

i'll let you know;
sitting on the top most floor window panel and staring down is somewhat comforting.
there's an escape.

maybe i want to.
maybe i dont.
but just maybe, i will.

i'm sorry for being such a disappointment.
i just hate myself too much.

i'm not going to die.. but it's official...

2006-11-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

Vivre
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_QoESuLBLQ
rather sad song, but really nice.

La Volupte
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov2LB7kRGWM
he;s a player.

Le Temps des Cathedrales
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M1k74jMFbY
waaaay powerful! (this one no translation, so THERE. right at the TOP: http://libretto.musicals.ru/text.php?textid=418&language=1 )

Beau Comme le Soleil
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfkQQxU8t5M
the picture sucks.

Ces Diamants-la
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxD-sJIQpxk
the stupid confetti is so EXTRA!

go search translations YOURSELF if you want..
but it's alr on the video, dumbass.. they really mean alot to me.

2006-11-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

well. wasnt planning to blog today, but apparently SOMEONE *annabelle* wanted to hear all about it. right okay. i shall NOT say why.

anyway, i met jac around 12pm. thought i was gonna be late, rushed over (THANKS UNCLE JIM FOR THE LIFT :D *maryanne's father*) in uncle jim's car. to find, i was EARLY. actually no, i was 3 mins late but jac was 15mins late. so yeap. sat in KFC alone for AGES! i aged 15mins okay! and the stupid cleaner person kept looking at me like i was deluded, right. he's the deluded one pls.

met louis after lunch, we went to vivo. yulica was on th way there so we met up. watched 007: THANKS LOUIS! and yeah. i guess it was okay? weird plot!!!!!!!!!!!!! like, stupid luhh.. not enough action, too much talking. well, what i mean was that they kinda went through this and that to confuse you. yeaps. okay fine nevermind. i was never good at reviewing movies anyway. and daniel craig aint all that much of an EYECANDY anyway. although louis was enjoying the NECKLACE. i was too busy making out with jac to notice. HAH!

the only funny part was that i kept laughing, i was a sarah-cicle and the FUKATUT. go watch, and if you have, watch AGAIN and LISTEN PROPERLY! small blind, big blind. hahaha. or somethin like that.

oh yes. saw prashaanth.

after that we kinda left? yeah home. missed mass, no one was at the CC or dome, and well. the BBALL courts were abandoned. what, it was raining! anyway. back to th book for me. im reading. see ya!

EDIT!
mandy: thanks for the gift dear! :D
lester j(joannes wan from CHURCH not saint pats) : you actually noticed! haha. as late as it was, thanks for wishing me. thanks for caring(:
velda: MY OLD PARTNER IN PRIMARY SCHOOL! if i recall right you were absolutely speechless (in th bad way) when you found out i was your partner. but the next term you wanted to sit with me badly. yes i still remember. DONT DENY IT DEAR EGG TOFU :D
elizah: retard asshole. thanks for being the WORST AND LOUDEST AND RAUCOUS FRINED EVER. actually if you scratch off the WORST part, everything else is true! :D love ya!
jun jie: dude, i dont even know if i thanked you yet. haha. but ah well. hmm. what can i say eh? thanks for the bitching, the gossip, the advice and being a pineapple head :D love ya kor! heh heh.

Theres no reason, theres no compromise, changing seasons, living the high life .I don't know you, so don't freak on me, I can't control you, you're not my destiny. Straight out of line! I can't find a reason, why I should justify my ways?
straight out of line.
godsmack.

i had NO IDEA this song was SO nice! and others, besides. my iTunes ROCKS today! :D

2006-11-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

ugh.
not even gonna blog properly.
wedding today. had to kinda dress up.

conclusion:
CURSE YOU HEELS!

Ang awit ng kabataan, Ang awit ng panahon. Hanggang sa kinabukasan, Awitin natin ngayon.
awit ng kabataan. (pronounced: a-wheat nang kah-bah-tah-an.)
river maya.

awit ng kabataan means song for the young.
WORSHIP THAT SONG.

tagalog. MY native language :D

2006-11-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

HEELS SUCK!
THEY SUCKSUCKSUCKSUCK BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahha. what a way to start a post eh. instead of the usual i'm pissed or i;m bored, that was sure a good laugh. but heels do suck lah.. not in the gross disgusting way i bet you're thinking of. *shakes head* just cause i say BALLS, SUCKS BALLS, you think sick. WHAT KIND OF RUBBISH IS THIS!

fine. i'm high.

ugh, my heels were like 1689723613 minus 1689723610 inches high. you do the math. I KNOW YOU WONT. so it's 3 inches. hahaha. like WA LAU. i looked nice in it okay! actually i dont know.. i just LOVE those heels, but they suck. i have a frigging blister waiting to be broken now. and i need another foot massage): yes, something actually dares to come ino 3 metre contact with my BARE feet. it was a fugging machine. haha.

today was a GREAT day. wonderful. except for the fact that nigel fell asleep instead of calling (!!!) and the heels from hell. hahha.

met jeff and nigel at bishan interchange. GAH. i thought I was gonna be late. turns out i had to wait for half an hour -.- typical. HAHA!(: they gave me a bag, inside was my so-called present -.- a sweet wrapper. great guys! thanks! but then they gave me this chain with two musical notes on it! well, a treble clef and semi-quaver if ya wanna get all technical about it. ITS SO GREAT! I REALLY WANTED TO SCREAM AND GRAB THEM! haha. i love it you guys! you're the best. LOVE YOU YOU YOU! oh and wee shiang too! thou he pang seh-ed them again. gah. what an idiot. I LOVE YOU UNCLE WEE SHIANG! (: (: (:

after that i went to pee, but they had to rush off. bah. haha. i went to wait for yuls at orchard, after we changed venues like a thousand and seven times, and then i saw felicia and crystal. *SCREAMSSSS!* hahaha. we hung around LJS till yulica came. she had a smoke and then fel and crys 2 juniors came. we walked around a bit (CURSE 'EM HEELS!) and then they wanted to have a smoke again. me and crys went to get vodka (stupid cheers doesnt sell absolut!!) and i FINALLY got my jolly shandy. IN YOUR FACE NIGEL! hahaha. then we couldnt find them.. then we callef fel and found out some inspector caught. we were like SHIT! and ran back in. almost got caught pls.. saw sam and eunice heng. hello dears! :D we bitched about the inspector, and then they left. we saw the two juniors, found out what was going on.

we then went to heeren to wait it out.. oh and almost got caught on the way out again. -.- so at heeren, we sat down to drink. but some woman came so we ran. sat on this rock fountain thingy, then the security guard saw us (!!!) so we went to taxi stand. FINALLY finished our drinks lah. oh and did i mention that crystal made me stash the vodka in my bag saying it WOULD NOT LEAK CAUSE ITS IN A PLASTIC BAG, and it DID leak. why? YOU ALREADY OPENED IT YOU COCK! hahaha. stupid bitch. now i smell like vodka and cigarette smoke. wait i showered alr.. so my BAD does.

oh and at LJS, it was fucking funny lah. i swear, if i lose weight just by laughing i'd be a stick. thats how hard i laughed. i was saying how yuls wanted to marry jr, go to las vegas and get elvis to marry them, but see; THEIR ENGLISH SUCKS. they dont get that i'm saying ask elvis to be the marri-er or whatever you call him. blahhblahh. then they were saying how elvis is dead and how yuls and jr DO NOT WANT elvis. gosh. so dumb. if you dont get it i'll slap you too.

after that we walked to far east.. on the way i had to stop cause of my feet OH and got my shades :D heh heh. jiarong and shawn met us at far east.. then i went to meet dad. at suntec. i was at th mrt at 715, and dad was SUPPOSED to pick me from far east at 830 but i decided to go suntec first. so i decided to wait at the mrt. HAH! i slept there until 745pm, woken by ryan's call. BAH, HUMBUG. haha accident lah.. i was EXHAUSTED

HAD FISH AND CO! (: (: (: my daring teriyaki salmon (pronounced SAA-MEN) and then off to NYDC for dessert :D BAILEYS MUDPIE! though i couldnt taste the baileys luh pls. such a waste of monehhhh. went up to tower records, STILL CLOSED. so like, we wanted to go oakleys nike and adidas but all closed or closing as usual -.- it was 10plus please. so we just left.

i have alot of thankyous.. so dont mind me if it's short :D
IN RANDOM ORDER.

nick gan: NICHOLAS! MY FAV KOR AND MY BESTEST TOO! cant wait for my after birthday celebration dear! :D heh. i love you so mucH! your retarded-ness your amazing-ness and you're everything-ness. you're one of the best friends i;ve ever had. eh, look at us dude. IJ and Saint Pats. we're still going strong. stronger than everyone else did. I LOVE YOU! :D
micheala: MITCH MEI!): you're going to SSS dear... IM GNA MISS YOU LOADS WORX, ahahaha. we havent had a pure english tea party in quite a while *affected english accent* and i miss the crumperts and earl grey tea!
jeremy kor: OH MY GOSH. i cant believe you remembered! amazing. haha, we havent seen each other in a year please! haha. monday alright? the 27th. i'll remember man! SEE YOU! miss ya loadzxzxzxxz! (x
david kor: YOU RETARD YOU! haha. dont even know where cine is. you SERIOUSLY have no life. after As?please, by then it's too late. GO OUT MORE OFTEN DUDE! and stop telling me random science stuff, and be more SENSITIVE. just joking (NOT!) okay go figure(: use your uber smart brains.
diana: HEY BABE!(: princess eh. haha. thanks for remembering dear! :D haha. how's your holidays anyway? see ya soon kay? PROMISE!
gary: YOU YOU YOU'VE GROWN TALLER AND MORE MACHO. haha. no more teeny tiny act big ass. hahahaha. and some's emo too eh.. heh heh. thanks for remembering ol' friend. LOVES!
rachel: RACH! remember natasha? milky? LALALA! hahaha. all the meow meows and how you used to come over to my busstop place thingy to play, and how we ran down the side pretending it was the country side. OH AND THE HORNETS! so many years ago.. shit i feel old babe! we need to run again!
sandra cher: CHER! haha. she has incredible jewellry taste. totally trust it. not to mention other fashion tastes and FOOD FANTISTIQUE COOK AS WELL! her mushroom pasta. a slice of heaven. and also the best cher ever. just gimme more time for exam (x
martin kor/cher: CHER KOR! haha that sounds cute! hahaha. i've been learning with ya for a year already and WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN. i bet you've loved hearing all my scandals and keeping up with all my riots, and you keep quiet about your girlfriend *Shakes head* hey but congrats on finally getting one eh.. heh. SEE YAFOURTH! and confirm the 16th. oh teach me bossa nova! i'm DYING to learn moreee!
abigail: HEY SWEETIE!(: the blur queen. BEFORE me please. she doesnt know she's lying on her own comb -.- oh and she bought NORMAL books instead of express. so i have to change for her. haha. thanks for remembering dear!(: bowl hard!
mandy: YOU DIDNT WISH ME YOU COCK! haha. but yuls said you bought me a present already, SO THANK YOU DEAR! haha. putting with my bullshit and moodswings and lalala is already loads enough. and being one of the most retard friends ever. BLOW WING BLOW *tuu tuu tuu tuu shshhshshwhhh!* abalone butt head and, and turning and turning and turningggg(:
yulica: thanks babe for remembering IN THE TOILET! hahaha. like, i was frigging gonna pee lah. (whoops should i admit that?) and you spoke to me on the phone the night before and t2o mins before that. might i add we were smsing as well? hahaha. i love you for being a spastic shit. hahaha. so that i always hear the wrong stuff you say. oh and GO GO ELVIS TH PELVIS!(:
eugene tay and regina: hey dears! haha. thanks loads for remembering. haha. seriously hope you guys are okay, you make th BEST couple. and good on you for beating him up lah. like, LOSERR! haha. see ya soon kays?
gabriel: IDIOT EVIL WORSE SON! gah. hate you. hehs. thanks for remembering!
AJ: yo dude. barely know you please. hahaha. but i LOVE your amazing music taste. rolling stones eh.. haha. love 'em. AND YOU LOBE THIRD EYE BLIND! *screams* crystal baller is a MUST have!
jaqueline: JAC JAC! though you only JUST wished me when i reminded you (bitch!) haha. the spastic horny gal in my life. haha. THANKS FOR HUMP DAY WEDNESDAY DEAR! though i cant admit i've been doing it without you. HAHA! need ya thrills babe!
crys and fel: wahh. damn nice huh.. only remember when i reminded you -.- haha. thanks for the craziness, and the shit. and the running away today, and the stupid elvis laugh. all in all, for a great day(:
uncle wee shiang: YOU CRAZY ASS! damn nice uh.. pang seh jeff and nigel. okay fine, TEE HSIEN and nigel. it's fun to call jeff that. stop being depressed man.. YOUVE GOT US! smileee!(: THE BAD DAYS ARE ALL GONE! SHALALALALALALA! c'mon sing with me, you sent it to me!
nick boon: YAYY WE'RE BACK IN CONTACT!:D heh heh. it's been a really sad 3 plus months yea? dont be so sad kay? you've been a really true and great friend.. never mentioning our incident. now i know it wasnt ALL your fault, like, one small part only.. and yeah. the misunderstanding. I'M SORRY!
june: GIRLFRIEND! heh heh. whens our anni! *pouts* i kinda forgot. ahaaha. THANKS FOR TRYING TO CHEER ME UP DEAR! haha. movie soonsoonsoon. you can pay for me. haha. bday pressie :D kidding dear!
joanne: YOU STUPID! haha. wow, so cool that we're great friends after the dinner eh. haha. but it's been SO great. your blurness, FINE. MY BLURNESS and your ego for no reason (heh heh) we DO make quite a pair(: stupid vampire fetish!loves!
eunice heng and sam: HEY HEY BABE!:D haha birthday on sunday eh.. haha tmr. well, TODAY. see i remembered! haha. okay fine so you did too.. but BARELY! haha. (EUNICE!) SAMM! haha. thanks for uhh... wishing me when you found out? haha. STAY CUTE GURLL!(:
godma, kow kong and julie porpor: thanks for remembering family :D haha. had a good chat with all of ya in turn.. the days i saw you or when you called(: LOVES MANY MANY!

I LOVE ALL AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! i'm just a ring or sms or IM away dears. i love you guyS!

heh. okok so yeah i DID go out. dont care already. it's been pretty obvious that they all dont care.. that his wishing of me was reluctant. i mean PLEASE. i got a friendster msg not testi. he is NOT KNOWN for sending messages on friendster pls. obviously, got it on the reminder. did it so he wouldnt get into my bad books. PLEASE. you';ve been in them for a long while!

to everyone else: YOU ROCK!(:

hmm. thats about it i guess(: gotsa wedding to attend tmr. . off to read books then SLEEP. heh. if i left anyone out, dont think i have... i'll put it here soon. OH YEAHS! the management at prego's. WONDERFUL! haha. thanks for the candle wish thing in th tiramisu(:

will leave you with the pic of what nigel, jeff (tee hsien!!) and wee shiang got me. *SCREAMS!*

The world seems bigger than both of us, yet it seems so small when I begin to cry! It's alright, I'm ok; I think God can explain. I believe I'm the same, I get carried away...
i think god can explain.
splender.

clear eh.can see HAIR somemore.. hahahaha!
taken by my PHONE! (:

2006-11-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

so.
i've been fourteen for a whole 14 mins (12.14am)
and yeah i dont care.
spent it crying anyway. lalala~~
i really dont care. gosh.. i so hate myself for this.

so plans tomorrow.. i really dont know.. all i know is i have to meet jeff and nigel. other than that i dont know.. hmm. do i really care? anyway ruth just smsed to say she cant anyway. another excuse to stay home i guess? unless i end up spending the whole day with jeff and nigel..

daddy's free now.. his activation thingy is on sunday. whoops. but he said saturday. bah. stupid computer mistakes.

TODAY ROCKED! yes it did. heh. went out with ryan and aunty cora. watched material girls cause we missed step up -.- like wa lau ehhhh. ryan went to e2max and computer-ed. i think that word is COOL lah okay.. computer-ed. heh heh. sounds sick now that i think about it. saw germaine and teena. and also, clarissa, nicole, sarah and jane? i cant remember already...

after that went to TP to take a bus to robertson quay; mohammed sultan road. meet mum. took bus 139. I WAS FRIGGING LOSS AFTER THE STOP AT CSC LUHH. wa lauu. hehs. i had the bright idea of messaging nick due to my terror like only, 3/4 of the way -.- smart eh me. oh and there was this bloody construction worker who was looking at me with a you know, come-come look. i raised an eyebrow and gave him a WHATEVER look. rolled my eyes. he got off at the next stop. I INSIST ITS NOT A COINCIDENCE. actually i dont know... BUT I DONT CARE. whahaha.

met mum super alot late. haha. by like FORTYFIVE MINS LAH. many curses on the stupid bus. and my heels. fine so i got off at the wrong stop -.- had to walk DOWNHILL. in HEELS. i almost fell pls. hahaha. the stupid security guard at th condo laughed at me. like 'GAH YOU!'

NOTRE DAME DE PARIS ROCKS!
i have the soundtrack :DDDD i love love love it! keep listenting to Le Temps des Cathédrales, Vivre, La Volupté and Reprise le Temps des Cathédrales. the stupid horny priest is damn annoying. haha. like a stupid fly i wanna swat away. and there was this part, 2lovers were gonna kiss, and this extra PERSON. was like, darting around them like, ya know. CUPID. he went UNDER their lips and threw confetti. then he ran away. like, HAHAHA RANDOM! him, not me.

oh and the song called LUNE, MOON for the idiots who dont know it. like totally obvious lah. or if you wanna get technical it's LUNA. okok, sidetracking.. this TINY moon appeared on the screen. like, SUPER tiny. i was sitting say.. 6.5/8? yupps around there. and the moon was
THIS BIG.
which isnt a whole lot big for a moon if you ask me. i could reach out and just eat 'em up.

we bitched in the ride home :D about me being a bimbo. rahhh. haha. me, audrey, mum, reuben and wendy. well, technically i should call them aunty and uncle but i'm NICE! audrey and wendy jies and reuben korkorrrrr. hahah.

so anyway back home. and i'm fourteen now. like, lalala. dont know why.. i seriously dont care. but i promise you, i'll be back to normal by tomorrow. or i just wont say anything here. like, for now. i promise okay?

so here's the thankyous so far(: in no particular order from nigel onwards.

mum, dad, ryan: THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING THE BEST FAMILY EITHER. i know i can be such a pain in the ass but yeah you know. so are you guys! but hey, we're the whackiest funnest and bestest bunch ever. i love you guys. dont EVER EVER leave me!
nigel: wow. you know i havent known him for all that long and he's one of my closest friends? HINT: he genuinely cares! bah. what i said just know, about no one caring i didnt mean it. you know i didnt. he's a one of a kind guy this one. absolutely amazing guy!(:
dominic, mitchell, michelle: GUYS! my old group :D haha. last years holidays. woohoo. today they crowned me the stupidest girl ever. cause i dont care about my birthday. lalala~ you guys are absolutely fantastic. never failing to cheer me up, i mean please, who else can do the RUSSEL PETERS inpersonation that well? (DOM!) and michelle; she's one of the most RANDOM persons alive. you'd just die, i swear. you'll be walking and suddenly she'll say; I ATE SWENSONS LAST WEEK. mitch, smart ass. haha. fine so only SAJC. whatever! haha. he's also REALLY sweet(: i mean yeahh. remember? (personal.!)
alexavier: *SCREAMS!* bestie! hahahaha. he's evil. he's way evil. i still remember that HTML incident on my tagboard. super embarassing pls! and he did it on purpose. THANKS ALOT MAN! oh and he's also a GREAT friend. always there(: never ever away(: except like when he's overseas or peeing or with HERRR or....
ruth: RUTH JIE! haha. my BIG ME! haha (i;m MINI ME!) she's retarded she's fantastic and she's MINE! colin you stay away. we've been thru alot together. i still remember THAT NIGHT and MY INCIDENT. see we're still together!
shawn, jin cheng, kenneth: DEAR COKE-A-HOLICS! if you get me a coke bottle trophy i'm just gonna laugh. haha. shawn, for being an easy kick in the ass in coke bottle soccer; JC for being chicken shit at drinking coke, though you always seem to win against ken whom i ALWAYS lose agains :/ and ken, for being the worst goalie ever :D
audrey: AUDREY DEAR WIFE! :D we've been thru thick and thin, broken and patched up friendships and we're STILL going strong! forever dear! haha. you;ve been a GREAT listener, of the few i've had. it's amazing what you can do.!(: just with a listening ear and a few kind words!
ashutosh: crazy lil fella. heh.always did me alot favors dude. i owe you one :X haha. we;ve had a lot of arguments and blahhblahhs, but see! we're still great friends! :D
andre: ANDRE! gonna be two years already eh. haha. i know you're frustrated with me. i get frustrated with you too! but we're still friends. i'm here for you, you're there for me. in the end thats all that kinda matters right? thanks for being my venting machine. heh heh. AND DONT REMIND ME ABOUT SCOTTS PLAZA A YEAR AGO! the dustbin still has a dent in it =P
clare: crazy pooper. haha. she's the crazy retard one in class. dont know how we'd get through it without her. being sent out for laughing and all. let's bitch more okay?hahahaha.
justin: korkor! :D haha. wow we've been through WAY alot. like, ouch please. heh. let's let it stay this way. no farther. but thanks for being th best you could. you know i love you too!(:
esther: ESTHER WIFE! :D my lil sunshine, my lil love(: (: haha. you're so super cute, and you've really brought alot of joy to me. such th innocent little girl, but when she starts cursing, and being an ass, you'll be like WOAH! she stole me shoe, locked me out and called me a bitch before! now, what would i ever do without you!?!
alex issac: YOU YOU YOU PUMPKIN! (woohoo new nickname!) you've been this retard bugger running around my life tryina make me happy, never failed to make me laugh thou. well, thats cause you're a bad joker. i mean good. hahaha. goldfish; SHUT UP!
sebastian: HAHA he JUST wished me. so i'm adding it in before i edit the colours and stuff. heh. i'm the annoying girl who came in his life, and he's the evil guy who points me to strats he knows i NEED. need, not want. NEED. hehs. thanks for being there yeahs? (oh and IM SORRY!)

SPECIAL MENTIONS!
godpa, carol jie, jarrod and trisha:THEY WANTED TO COME OVER TONIGHT JUST TO SEE ME! like, gah! i love you guys! haha. thanks for being one of the lights in my life, AND FOR ALL THE TROUBLE!(:
jeffrey and nigel: they havent wished me BUT they got my present and insist to meet me. like GAH.
jeff; you've been one of the best friends i could ever wish for. our friendship hasnt been long, but it's one of the greatest i've had so far. true-er than anything else. sure, i annoy you and you annoy me and we always say we hate each other and stuff (well, WE'RE JOKING!) but yeah i know you love me. HAHA! yesyes, I LOVE YOU TOO DEAR FRIEND!
nigel: rah. you stupid lame retard who insists i NEED your abs for motivation. puhlease. haha. your abs are FAR from washboard tight taut abs. DROOL WORTHY ONES! *drools* HAHA! no not at yours! you're crazy man. loves it! haha.
maryanne: you bought my present already! heh. thanks for always always having your door open for me, no matter when. and the cup noodle shop accompaniments(: love ya babe! forever!

all of you KNOW i love you! and that i'm always here(: forever and ever i promise!(:

will continue list tmr, for those who wish in time?

alright.. guess thats it? made me feel a whole lot better anyway. thanks louis for tryina cheer me up(: better go sleep i guess?

every night and every day now though i know you've gone away. somewhere in my heart i'm dancing with you in the summer rain.
summer rain.
belinda carlisle.

2006-11-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

i'm bored.
like super bored and still in a bad mood.

I WANNA CHEER UP! i wanna go out on my birthday. well.. kinda. i've tried so many ways.. messaged so many people, msned so many people, called so many people. gosh, just doesnt WORK. ahh wells..

thanks to alexavier, nigel, kenneth, maryanne, jincheng for msning me(:
thanks to sebastian and michelle for messaging me(:
thanks to jeffrey, alex issac and dom for calling me(:
guys, i KNOW i needa cheer up.. i just cant.

anyways, today was a pretty uneventful day? overslept this morning, so didnt go for training. wasnt planning to bowl anyway. met joanne at KCP around 530. went to TP to watch step up.. only th timing was WRONG. gah, stupid computer. hate it. had our so called dinner thing at LJS then went to novena. got my handphone pouch! :D ahaha. maybe i can hang maryanne's hp decor? bah. doesnt match): after that we went back to bishan and i bought 2 books. still cant find th two that i want): went library for a while then home sweet home.

like i said, i wanna blog about JOLLY SHANDY. why we cannot buy uh!?! it's like, 0.05% alcohol lah. like pfffft.! so annoying. hahaha. i mean like, i think we drink cans still wont get drunk lah. we'll just pee it all out. hahaha. it's just like WHATTHEHELL! might as well ban us from drinking coke cause of the CAFFIENE! crazy. i'll just scream luh..

oh i watched amazing race asia. they all damn nice! leave money for this couple on their windscreen cause they were last in the previous ep. so they got no cash AT ALL. so sweet lah. all together now: AWWW! haha. and they all BOND instead of fighting like in the states version. like, HAHA IN YOUR FACE!

okok kidding no offence(:

jeff and nigel are MAKING me meet them on saturday -.- if not they;ll come to my house. wow.. hey party! haha. rights. no mooood. mmhmm. and yulica thinks i'm retarded to not go out.. ah wells. since i'm supposedly going for lunch with jeff and nigel, spending day yulica, ruth and all, who wants to go out for dinner?

no wait. I DONT WANNA GO OUT! well.. not really. gosh. cross your fingers hope notre dame cheers me up!

rah. SOMEONE CHEER ME UP!): I DONT WANNA BE SO SAD AND SO SELF-HATING! but i seriously dont see the big deal in my birthday.fourteen. wowww.

Now here I sit, so far away. Remembering all the memories, it's times like these that I miss you most; remembering when we were so close .I'm jaded, stupid and reckless. Not sorry, and I'll never regret.
jaded (these years).
mest.

2006-11-15T23:21:00.000+08:00

rather random but significant post to me. the previous one i mean.

as usual, i'm in a bad mood again. not exactly angry or anything.. just.. well. okay. disappointed and pissed off at myself. it just sucks i guess? listening to save yourself makes me frigging cry cause of what i did and what i failed to do. i cant believe myself that i let it happen, that i didnt stop it when i could. sure, i stopped, but not in time. fuck it lahh..

and i cant hate you anymore. well actually for me it'd be i can STILL hate you some more. technically refers to how much i hate myself and yada yada. shall not bored you all with this. sighs. whatever.

so anyway, met uncle ram at prego's today. i was like, 10mins late thou. cause i left the house late -.- couldnt decide what to wear. i FINALLY had a proper italian meal! must say, the food is still as good. service is excellente!! and the tiramisu is heavenly. also, th tiramise costs more than a carbonara from pasta mania. yeahs.. haha. it's like, TWELVEDOLLARSFIFTYCENTS whereas carbonara is only NINENINTY. hahaha. of course it's WAY more deeeelicioousss. love prego! *worships*

while waiting at dhoby gaut, the fire alarm rang. the woman was like, please remain calm while we investigate th situation. everyone just rolled their eyes and continued doing their own stuff. like drinking and shopping and peeing... well i mean. how do you like STOP peeing?!?! you wanna pee then got alarm so you run out for that. a bit dumb eh -.- you got alarm bells of your own luh.. fine! random.

met ruth after that, got my black choker stuff :D then i got my PURPLE eyeliner. and her black one. hehs. it's actually my gift to me and her for being stupid enough to not pierce our ears. we were contemplating.. but i backed out. i was supposed to pierce with ayleen today.. but she cancelled last minute. oh wells? gonna MAKE nigel pierce with me anyway :D

went home after that, supposed to tear up my old worksheets and school text books but i felt rather assholic to go home soi early. so have yuls a call, met her at newton mrt. hung around her house awhile.. her yesterday nights cup noodles is still at her table -.- eww. haha. then we went orchard awhile. then she tried to decide where to go... meet JR, go home or go my house eat dinner. yeaps. (i'm still full from lunch. didnt eat dinner or breakfast! yays!) in the end she went home. thanks for the treat gurl! :D

ohh and i took bus 54 back. *noDS* BUS FIFTY FOUR! IT GOES ALL TH WAY TO MY HOUSE NOW! so i dont have to walk to th OCBC bus stop or the mrt. YAYYS! pretty esctatic over this cause ITS A STRAIGHT BUS TO ORCHARD! *screams* haha. the route was pretty different anyway.. well. memories i guess?hms. okay..

just tore up all my old books! *grins!* byebye home econs, maths and CHINESE! heh heh heh. makes me wonder why i even bother to do the work (fine so i didnt do chinese. bleagh!)when i'm always gonna tear 'em up. if you're wondering what about studying; i'll just get th ten year series. wait it's five year now right?

OH YES! i saw xavier at plaza sing and shawn at junction eight. hello people! haha. i told xavier about the alarm thing. he tryingna be the super hero said: NO FEAR! i am here. or something equally stupid. okay well no. he just said he'll go check it out for me. heh. oh and shawn was bloody cute! i was playing with my phone den he suddenly run to me and scream: "new phone new phone! i want i want!" hahaha. damn cute lah you. hhahaah(:

sighs. so that was my day. what a day eh?

anyways. mum and dad are working, working LATE on my birthday. frankly i dont give a shit. i'm supposed to meet jeff and ruth probably.. but thats all. and both of them either knew my "plan" and/or were reminded its my birthday. it's not a bad thing mind you! but it's just that no one else bothered. fine so that gets me a bit. but honestly I DONT REALLY ACTUALLY CARE THAT ITS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.

so i'm fourteen? whats the big deal? one year older? yadayadayada. right. makes a big deal to me. what the hell did i accomplish this year besides making people angry, doing all shit stuff and all the fucked up things and person i am? gosh. i really dont care. you can wish me, if you want. makes me happy that you remember.

but what separates the remembering people is that one side cares, the otherside does it for the sake of doing it. or saying that i must remember THEIR birthday next year and blahhblahhblahh. i wonder how you tell the difference.

dont be so worried about me (no use telling cause no one actually will) i've been like this for a long time. no one actually noticed. maybe i really will stay home.. yeah. think i will. i'll sleep in after the concert on friday night, and spend the day at home. yeah. mmhmm. well we'll see i guess. it's supposed to be the day where i celebrate the year i've lived and what i've done. instead i'll be cursing the day i was born.

no song today. there's alr two tmr.

"oh the hours i spend crying in the shower;

maybe it's cause i can pretend i'm not crying.

those arent my tears, and i dont hurt.

but i still spend those hours crying anyway."

2006-11-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

Save Yourself by Sense Field

Turn out the light
Just say goodnight to yourself
May I remind you
When you find you
Are all alone is when you
You’ve got to be strong

Thats when they call you in the night
He’s got your picture in his mind
He’s got your number on a paper
At his disposal anytime

Is it really true
Did you save yourself
For someone who could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who
Someone who

You met in a bar
The back of a car
And for a moment
You felt important
But not in your heart

Cuz my self esteem
It’s been low
Go ahead and count,
It’s been lower than low
I know the feeling
Of it stealing life out from under me

Cuz I want to learn
How you save yourself
For someone who
Could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who couldnt even remember your name

Did you save yourself
For someone who loves you for you
And loves me for me
Give it away
To someone who
Someone who
Can cherish your name

Cuz I want to learn
Did you save yourself
For someone who
Loves you for you
And loves me for me

Give it away
To someone who
Someone who
Can cherish your name
Cherish your name

I Cant Hate You Anymore by Nick Lachey

An empty room can be so deafening,
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burned the picture in a frame,
But it couldn't save me.
And how could we quit something we never even tried,
Well you still can't tell me why.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what your looking for.

But no matter how I try,
I cant hate you anymore.
I cant hate you anymore.

Your not the person that you used to be,
The one I want who wanted me,
And that's a shame but,
There's only so many tears that you can cry.
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
And I can't go on that way.
And so I'm letting go of everything we were,
It doesnt mean it doesnt hurt.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what your looking for.

But no matter how I try,
I cant hate you anymore.

Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what your looking for.

But no matter how I try,
I cant hate you anymore [x2]

2006-11-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

am super tired right now..
gotta find song to put in my phone again. rah. it's been a good day today anyway,

woke up WAY late today. 12pm. *gasps* i didnt even wake up at my normal time of eight to check my phone, call people to WAKE UP and shit, i just slept on. whoops. hope you woke up to meet whatshernamecauseicantkeeptrackyougeekturnedplayboy jincheng. hahaha. i hope you caught that. betcha didnt.

so anyway, training today was good. well better. STUPID COURTNEY! MAKE UNCLE BILLY PUT THE BAR THINGY THERE UNTIL IM SO SCARED CANNOT DO MY APPROACH PROPERLY! :/ haha kidding dear mei! love you! haha. uncle billy and vincent said my swing is more relaxed now which is WAY good. finally luh. now just have to add more side roll. lalala~

after training dad picked me up and we went to vivo to do my phone. the guy serving us was SO nice and SO hot lah! hahahaha. had to do some feedback thingy and i didnt know what to say; besides, i was lazyyy. so mum drew a smiley face and wrote: 'GREAT!' -.- uhh go mum? haha. cute lah she. oh and i saw SHARIFAH. whatthehell eh?

so now, my calender stuff is all GONE! -.- need me to remember your birthday? TELL ME! after that went to earle swensens. damn good food, but damn expensive. and it wasnt all that fantastic either.

WE ARENT GOING SUNWAY ANYMORE! alleluia. seriously no mood to go swimming and shit. i've hated the water for so long already. weird. we're going somewhere during CNY. i wanna know where ((x

gonna meet uncle ram tmr, then RUTH for awhile. then i have to come home clear up some stuff -.- thursday meeting joanne after her paper, we';re gonna watch STEP UP and friday i'm gonna go out with aunty cora and ryan :DD haha cause i gna bring aunty cora go orchard worhx. haha.

finding songs to put in my phone.. i dont want multiple artist songs. its a chore to find those i really like.. heh.

I'M OBSESSED WITH SEVEN PLACES!

In my trouble I have doubled my prayers. Because I need them, I need them like I need the air. Landslide inside, fear wants to take my peace of mind. Won't run, won't hide, I will lift my hands up high. Here's to Name above all names, I will trust You; Jesus I'll be brave.
landslide.
seven places.

they're christian, by the way.

2006-11-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY SENG KOR! :D

sixteen eh. good luck for Os dear!

2006-11-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

fuckin pissed off now.
having a typical argument with my brother. why? again talking about some phone stuff and trying to be smart on guitar thing. RIGHT!. how's it gonna be has no palm muting pls. left hand muting maybe, but probably not. how's it gonna be is meant to be more of a slow song. palm muting? noooooooooooooo.

mum's being annoying as well. complaining about us. lalala. we're doing it over sms, stopped shouting already okay mum. CHILL!. actually, it's kinda my fault cause i wouldnt listen to him, I CANT PUT UP WITH HIS WHINING OF
"i liked that phone first."
SO?!?!?!?! when he got his i barely complained lorr. what the fuck lah. and it was super hot and i was super thirsty just now. anothe reason why i was so easily aggravated..

oh yeah. ryan also said mum has some foreign guests entertainment thing on the 17th.. if th concert is bloody cancelled i'll just scream.

phone seriously isnt accepting 'let's give them something to talk about by bonnie raitt.' SO ANNOYING!!!

today was a bloody scary day. yeah. ended pretty well though. as in when i got home. yeahs. at like. 1045 guess who showed up at my door. JEDRICK! whatthefuck right? anyways, called martin and RUSHED to his house. seriously ran. he waited for me downstairs but we took our time. aunty cora messaged me saying he was back at th house. so i went to th other busstop and took bus to TP. yeahs.. scary lah please..

after that went to meet jeff. he say fork & spoons so i go there. then their not there so i went to th OTHER food court. also not there. after that i just walked around aimlessly. when they called i found out that they were at courts -.- after that aunty cora messaged to say jed was looking for me. so jeff went for tuition, and me and nigel ran off to orchard. spent some time at cine where i caught sight of nigel's BARE abs. heh heh. oh and we couldnt buy jolly chandy): (i saw his abs cause i pulled his shirt half off.HAHA!) after that went to kinokuniya. jeff came back and then we went to mos.

after that they had to leave so i went city hall to wait for seb. spent about an hour at hmv, and i was only at th S of the jazz section when he came. only had just finished pop/rock. we walked over to suntec, he looked real nice in his shirt today though it was killing him. you look hot dude. ahha. just dont quote me. kidding! we walked around a bit, then went to carl's junior.

after we ate i wanted to play with my phone cam, cam whoring time! then the batt died -.- used my cam, the batt died -.- so we just talked and then tried again. he tried to poke me lah! haha. evil. pushed his hand down at the last second anyway. WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE TO POKE ME BTW?!?! am i really THAT pokable and bullyable?! haha.

saw b&js and the royce chocolate he recommends. OH! i owe him lunch. haha. i told him i couldnt pay today cause it's dinner, NOT lunch. i dont care, i insist. haha. went home after that,, curfew extended for 1/2hour cause we ate pretty late. got home just in time. ran home the OTHER way. jed left a letter apparently.. i'm to call him if it's yes or email him if its no. rights whatever. he wont disturb if i say no, and that's my choice lah duh.

thanks to nigel for pei-ing me even though you had to meet your 'dear'!(:
thanks to jeff for coming back after tuition even though you're exhausted!(:
thanks to sebastian for going all the was with your bass even though you REALLY didnt need to!(:

yeaps. I APPRECIATE THIS REALLY ALOT GUYS! :D and there's really no need to on saturday.. just remember and i'm FINE! happy! :D gotta go vivocity on wednesday. anyone?

i'm super tired. training starts at 3 tmr. im gna sleep in. byebye!

Losing your mind, losing your mind. It's blurring, it's fading. Your soul's on fire; it's black and white!
black and white.
static-x.

2006-11-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

i actually didnt want to blog today. but i'm freaking bored. extremely.

was messaging faith just now, as in from sec 2 camp not my jie. i bet i'm th only one who keeps in contact with her. haha. she gave great advice during the camp; I LOVE YOU FAITH!(:

anyways i ended messaging her cause i smsed those people who dont really come online. yups.miss her alot. haha. camp really meant alot to me. yeahs. besides other things. gah. and that bloody bruise i got from nicholas. idiot. heh.

so anyways, went for some charity lunch thingy. dicky came, weird. havent seen him in awhile. went to gkk's house after that. GOT MY CDs!(: bonnie raitt. i forgot the DVD though. oh wells oh and bonnie's signature strat aint wood grain. it's just normal. well yeah... i like th wood grain. still, i'll take the champagne coloured one;no problem.

i'm seriously super bored. think i'll rename my songs and be off to bed. meeting jeff (3rd time in a row luh -.-) and nigel (saint gabriels) tmr at vivocity. do my phone. stupid luhh.. the batt went off after 2hours and the keypad tones are STILL there. which is fucking annoying. oh wait. i have to wait for louis to come online -.- shit man. i'm WASTED. i spent like, 2 hours TRYING to sleep today.

i'll get a one-for-one exchange phone tomorrow :D

You look at every face in a crowd, some shine and some keep you guessin'. Waiting for someone to come into focus; teach you your final love lesson.
when it's love.
van halen.

2006-11-12T00:57:00.000+08:00

it;s been pretty busy day for me today.
not that i earned any money -.-
thanks dad. haha.

met jeff to pass him my camera around 12pm. had lunch, i had my crispy chicken and him his mcspicy; his secret affair. aww, i thought i was his secret affair. HAHA! then again.... heh heh. well he HAS been telling me i love you.... as a friend the whole day.muahaha. not like i returned the compliment. you'll understand later.

he bought me coke! saved my tongue from that bloody chicken, which i love so much. heh heh.

after that dad picked me up, me and ryan went to his work place. we were suppose to help staple, punch holes and file up some CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. actually i just dont understand what the shit their saying. paperwork for NDP in 1998. kidding. i SERIOUSLY dont know. we were supposed to trade thou, one work and one play COUNTERSTRIKE on ben's old computer (thank you ben! *worships* haha) but i only had my go for like, 10mins? when i realised i was way rusty, and ryan took over, for the rest of the 2 hours we were there -.-

went to pick mum then off to causeway. wanted to catch a movie but er. nevermind. it was nearly six anyway. THEN OFF TO GET MY PHONE!(:(:(: the bloody starhub shop there kept relocating luh -.- and the people managing it werent at all friendly. mum wanted to go TP, check there. but dad said go vivocity cause it's bigger there, wider range. by that time it was like, SIX. so we just went, was supposed to celebrate early as well, go fish and co but there wasnt one there at vivo.

did my phone, in the end decided on the SGH-D900. for the dodos, it's the samsung ultra slim SLIDE phone. yupp. totally happy! heh heh. though i have to pay for it, EVERYTHING. minus 200dollars cause of dad's voucher. so, 438. he told me just pay him 200, minus jeff's 70 (gettin' to that..) it's 130. plus my 130 for th electric guitar -.-

so now i owe him 260, but he'll take 5 out of the 30 i have to give him every month for th phone bill. IT'S GONNA TAKE LIKE 4PLUSPLUS YEARS. byebye iPod? not yet. haha. dad said he'll pay for half of it if i lose 7 kg. yupp. reach 48kg. and mum will pay for the other half if i maintain it for 3months. WOOHOO! motivation! this will get me to do it :D

all i have to do is save up for the strat/JS. SIGH! i need a raise in my allowance. oh and i cant work. grreat.. a high class high paying job (well, for teens my age that is) *WHOOSH* it's gone. oh well. haha.

i was frickin high in th car today. my dad might get a dopod, so i kept saying:

"do it right.

do the dopod."

like some ad bitch or something. hahhaah. i mean if you can it. haha. it can be some condom brand too. hahaha. shit man, high again. but i'm physically wasted anyway.. but i really was very entertaining, mum didnt even ask me to shut up when i was getting on the brink of annoying? yeah. haha. i played truth or dare with myself :D i was seriously damn high. damn damn damn high. i would be like: "OWW! VERY PAIN!" what's pain? "THE CAR. THE RAIN HIT IT SO HARD!" or something like, "I WANNA TELL YOU oh nevermind. ryan's arse was itchy that's all." and yeah it wasnt. i was going crazy. but it was super fun :D

okay. i bet you're all NOT waiting for the jeff thingy, but whatever. gonna say it anyway. haha. jeff bought my phone from me, for 50dollars which is th trade-in price. another 20 for the memory card. that's he said he loves me. haha. eh i should charge him 25 for the card! cause got songs inside! hahah kidding. mm, just put his nickelback songs inside. he loves 'em anyway. the card cost me 36. i'm giving it to jeff with a beri beri good price. *wobbles head* NO OFFENCE! love that wobble thingy(:

another reason why i LOVE bonnie raitt and why i deserve a voice like hers:

SHE HAS A STRAT! i THINK it's fender. OH YEAH IT IS! haha. i want the bonnie rait signature fender stratocaster. YES I DO! hahaha. but like, it's gonna be HOW much?!?!

oh and she uses a woodgrain guitar. gasps! haha. love her so much!(pict at the bottom)

anyways -i love my phone- i saw:
elaine heng at bishan.

samantha and lenice at bishan

got one more but i forgot -.-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIVIAN!(:
i feel so so so bad, couldnt spend the day with her cause of work. rah. evil daddy -.-

cause you're all i want. you're all i need you're everything, oh everything. you're all i want, you're all i need.
everything.
lifehouse.

2006-11-11T01:46:00.000+08:00

alright. so i'm here a third time. proves my theory on how bored i am.

also, i've been talking to jeff and uncle. proved my theory on THEM. pieces of shit lah. ALL NEWATERS! just like, HIM! haha.

newater cause i was saying to ruth and colin that i wanna turn em all into curry, but i wont eat em. cause they, especially that specific asshole, doesnt deserve to touch my bodily fluid once again. so we'll throw them into the sea, then they'll become NEWATER. but ah screw it. dont care. haha.

and me being high, actually went to say this to sebastian as well. woah. haha. proves how high i am. everyone's sleeping, AND I FEEL UTTERLY GUHROSS. there's no TOOTHPASTE! like ohmygah whatthefuck NO TOOTHPASTE! completely impossible, especially in MY house. mum stocks out in tooth past like there's no tomorrow. it's scary now that it';s all gone. haha.

sighs. i'm super bored now. gna transfer all my pictures. recordings and shit into my mem. card.. and copy down the bdays as well. wont want to forget aye. heh. deleting songs too, considering i just updated it yesterday..

OH i forgot to add in my previous posts about HMV today.
I AM ANNOYED WITH HMV PEOPLE! they obviously dont know their music. i mean if they categorise reel big fish under pop/rock aint that bad. although reel big fish is SKA pls. just like no doubt and save ferris. but save ferris is more obviously ska, no doubt and reel big fish can pass off for rock. but their ska. yes, they are. and besides, i didnt see any save ferris albums there. (I WANT THE LESS THAN JAKES AND THRICE CD!!!!!!!!!) but you know what i saw? BONNIE RAITT!
UNDER ROCK/POP!

ohmygahh. you need to get your facts straight: BONNIE RAITT IS BLUES PEOPLE! duhduhduh. fine. she can pass off for pop. BUT NO. SHE SINGS THE BLUES DUDE! and she rocks at it.

i seriously want a voice like hers): clear, smooth and great. terrific. i think she's totally amazing. GKK's burning her CDs for me(: (: (: he's damn cute luh! i ask him if he has, and he said, oh well only about TEN! haha. aww :D

SHE'S WHITE BY THE WAY! her song is at the side. she sounds a like a frickin young powerful black woman *no offence(:* gosh. that just proves how wonderful she is :D

seb is evil. he knows how much i wanna brush my teeeth,and he just comes and says:
I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH! :D
evil. haha.

UGH! many curses on my songs! slow my comp down. i take that back! i LOVE my songs! i keep saying that at random parts of th day. and i mean it too. not repetitive for attention or whatever -.- haha. uggh. oh wells. time to go read my book(: tuesdays with morrie, very meaningful nice book!(:

people like talkin, talkin about people! i hear them whi sper, you wont believe it. they think we're lovers, kept undercover. i'll just ignore it, but they keep whispering that we laugh just a little too loud; stand just a little too close.
let's give them something to talk about.
bonnie raitt.

2006-11-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

I'M GETTING A NEW PHONE AND LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gosh. hate it when my days start out GOOD then continue on BAD turn out HORRIBLE and end up great. haha. cant get into the mood):

i still have to pay..
BUT I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

ugh.
i'm in a particularly bad mood at the moment. really pissed off. but oh wells yeah? i'm not gonna post about it hear though. only for one major reason: i dont want anyone to find out about my plan. yupp. it's actually pretty obvious already. but lalala~ i dont care.

i wanna see who actually cares.

duh. haha. okay nevermind. some people won't understand why i'm doing this, and in the end i probably not go thru with it, but i'm doing fine so far. i seriously dont mind staying ----- really. maybe i'll make last minute plans or mandy and yulica will drag me out which highly likely, but we'll see. i was planning to just go around s'pore, go meet everyone but apparently not. but it doesnt matter. so if you ------- on that day, and i'm actually there, well. doesnt matter. this will show everyone's true colours. well, actually my plan is only aiming for one particular group. this post will make it pretty obvious, but they obviously dont come here, but whatever. the rest can just me and i'll me happy. i bet they wont luh. oh wells. i think after like, a certain time i'll call someone .

and no the lines arent in accordance with the word(s)

update on today.
stupid louis chia overslept (loserrr!) so i met mandy and yulica first. when i met yulica, i was a frickin bimbo. when i took of my shades and kept saying "wow its so bright!!" haha. the first few times i meant it. then i didnt. haha. yupps. mandy came!(: yayy. she looked way hot today. yeah. haha go mandy! i had my lunch at LJS while they ate at yoshinoya. then louis came. thanks for the beer dude! but you had to go waste it and throw away. ass. haaha. i told you i cant drink beer in one gulp. bit by bit. stupid. haha.

walked around wheelock yeah? haha. louis treated them but not ME. oh no. not me. idiot. haha. bought their chocolates, and yulica fell over. haha. grabbing mandy and my *ahem* boob. HAHA! alright fine dont think sick pls. haha. went to far east for awhile, even though it's far (haha-.-). yulica's lame joke not mine. yeah. haha. i wanted to go pang seh): as in plaza sing. of course, an invention of yulica's lah. haha. sat down at gelare's awhile. chatted., then yulica had to go): meet jiarong. hate himmm. haha. well no. just really annoyed.

insisted on staying with mandy till she had to meet germaine. when she left, louis went to buy his hotdog (dont think sick! it's not DETACHABLE!hahaha!) and mashed potato. we walked around a bit then went to suntec. by cab. i payed for most of it lorr. ass, such a gentleman-.- my stupid handphone decor wasnt a handphone decor. it was a bloody chain. oh wells. bought one more on the way home anyway. THANKS MARYANNE(:

after that went to raffles, he bought his hotdog again. and i ate the calamari rings. real nice. after that walked around raffles place cause i needed to find out what th resteraunt was, that i wanna go too on wednesday. PREGO! ahahah. going there with uncle ram on wednesday(: (: yayy. and saturday will be fish and co. and then NYDC, where i can (finally!) get my BAILEY'S mudpie. yesyes please! haha. prego will have good tiramisu anyway(: yayy. in a mood for alcohol luh.

which reminds me, the other day my brother gave to me a 3/4 full cup of lime juice and vodka -.- he's not used to it!!!! haha. so yeah i drank it. hm. he put way too much vodka thou. no wonder he didnt finish it. haha. i used to drink it like that, not so much now.. nahh. i'm gonna take it pure later. as in, pure lime juice. heh heh heh(:

we left after that. home. saw maryanne.. with her parents. they let her walk around a bit with me (seeing as i tutor their niece and nephews who by the way, got 68 and 73 respectively. GO LORRAINE AND CHRISTIAN! fine so not that good. but better than th fifties range lahh.) and she bought me my handphone decor :D though it's orange and doesnt really suit my phone -.- dont really care. nice and bright. suited my mood at the time, NOW NOT SO.

oh yes.
saw june-girlfriend and esther-wife at bishan mrt(:
saw gigi-muachie muachie and felicia-satay at cineleisure(:
saw mathilda and val at far east plaza(:
HELLO PEOPLE! :D

anyways, another reason why i'm pissed. that fucking asshole couldnt bother to pick up his phone. excuse me! i was supposed to meet you all right? after some so called attempts to show that you're asking me out with everyone else you stop. you dont care right? excuse me, I'D RATHER YOU JUST SAY IT. fine, we all dont dare. you dont have to keep rejecting and not replying and TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE RIGHT. what the hell is wrong with ME you ask? dude. it's you. i know why you dont want to hang out with me and anymore. cause he isnt cool enough for you, and neither am i. in fact, i;m fat. which makes it worse. because you want to look good. you want to hang out with people who make you look good. attractive people = attractive you. fuck you lah. no wonder they hate you.

I WANNA ISOLATE MYSELF FROM THE FUCKING WORLD!

Black velvet in that little boy's smile. Black velvet with that slow southern style. A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees; black velvet if you please. Up in Memphis the music's like a heatwave. White lightning, bound to drive you wild.
black velvet.
alannah myles.

2006-11-08T17:57:00.000+08:00

aww mans.
i was reading all my old blog posts and emails i SENT OUT like, 2 years ago? yeahs. oh gosh the way i type is so eww. cant stand myself. grossgross.
just comes to show how much we all change right? but definitely, the difference between my type-o-ramics then and now is alot BETTER. a change for the better, not the worse.

so anyway, today after leavingy house, there were some people downstairs re-casing the wires. and when i just walked past the ladder, the workman dropped the casing right at my feet. yes, if i had been a moment too late... gosh. call it lucky or unlucky. whichever. i'm not exactly THAt superstitious please.

met eugene tay at plaza sing macs, he had friend there. zhao rong or something? she's REALLY nice and pretty. and she's what, 162cm and THIRTY FIVE KG! yeah. she's frickin' skinny. damn. jealous jealous. haha. but she's really super nice AND SMART. she's doing biomedical sciences at TP. (temasek polytechnic.) i hope she's alright thou, eugene just sms-ed jeff to say that edmund(zhao rong's scary weird ex.) is stalking her again. oohs. just goes to show how pretty she is.

jeff joined us after managing to find macs (haha. loserrr.) and we ate breakfast. yupps. had a good chat with all of them during the 1 and 1/2 hours? yupps. pretty early yeah. wee shiang ended up pang seh-ing us and yaw seng and gab were MIA. eugene and zhao rong left for school after that thou. well, i think eugene followed her luh. no idea really.

me and jeff walked over to the cathay and got our tickets for flushed away. slacked a little while, and he told me that he feels weird going out with just me. rights. okayyy. like we havent met up for dinner alone before.! *rolls eyes* my reaction was "dude! we're just super good close friends, aye?" he's weeeiiirrddd and evil. oh yes. evil. haha. trademark cheekopeh look!

THANKS JEFF FOR THE JACKET! :D as in, letting me wear it. he was being a popsicle in the theatre.

i recommend, if you're gonna watch movie, watch at the cathay. it's totally un-jammed packed.

we finished our popcorn super early throu the movie. oh yes. haha. halfway thru i had to pee, so jeff made me buy popcorn. stupid evil ass. kiddingkidding. i volunteered. heh. so i ended up wasting about 20mins of the movie having to queue up for both the toilet and the confectionary line.

wanted to catch another movie, seeing as that we had 2 and 1/2 hours to kill and 3 quarts of a LARGE popcorn to ah, comsume. haha. instead, we went to milenia walk where i looked for my green apple sweets at candy empire. they were out of stock however, so i just got some other stuff. i know aunty cora loves the sweets from there, gonna give her half of my peppermint roll thing later. she loves those. i'm not supposed to go candy empire thou, the boycotting thing cause of the handicapped wheelchair denial or whatever incident. but couldnt help it. really wanted th green apple sweets. but ohwells; anyway, candy empire is a pretty awesome place.

after that we went suntec where he finally had his mcspicy, and me being cold he donated his milo to me. oohs. feeling rather bad at the moment thou, i kept reminding him about th 3bucks he owes me cause of the large popcorn, and here he is buying me a hot milo and refusing money for it. damn. i just cant help it.. i've gone to be really particular about money, after my last few experiences. hmm. reminds me that i still owe yuls and june two bucks. whoops. haha. okay nevermind, must remember to treat jeff dinner soon. at LJS. haha. we ALWAYS eat at LJS luh.

i owe seb lunch too. yeaps.

left suntec in-a-rush, really big rush, i have a blister now, cause of his prior commitment which was suddenly pushed forward. grrreat. i saw this really nice handphone decor thing on the way out. thinking of going back there. maybe i can persuade louis and yuls to go there on friday. yupp hopefully! we can still go vivo people! (:

meeting uncle ram for lunch on friday. HOPEFULLY: the resteraunt at raffles city the super expensive one, or fish and co. we-ell. i'll just ask to meet at raffles and see what happens from there. heh heh yupp. he's giving me my bday present. heh heh. not that isnt a hint cause it's NOT on my actual day, duh. it's gonna be CASH! like last year. yay. hahah THANK YOU UNCLE RAM!(x

hmm so yeah. friday's gonna be a busy day. didnt go church today. regret it now though.. hms. should have. i need the peace and tranquility.

BOSSA NOVA! i love bossa nova. wow my taste really is versatile. i'm really shocked at myself.

Sai da minha frente, Eu quero passar. Pois o samba esta animado, O que eu quero e sambar. Este samba!
mas que nada.
sergio mendez.

GO SERGIO MENDEZ! and i dont mean the version with black eyed peas pls..
meeting uncle

2006-11-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

IM OBSESSED

ohmygahh.
you should hear bukka white, robert johnson and muddy waters. love em to bits. lalala. haha

mm so anyway. training today. arm is FINALLY back in shape. yeaps. doesnt mean i bowled well though. a 101 average. damn. but bowling today reminded me of why i used to love it. kinda looking forward to thursdays practise. though, i maye have to lug ryans plug in accoustic as well. he's going straight to leo's house after school, and not sure if he can bring it to school. yeahs. as in whether he';s lazy OR NOT.haha. and when i say ryan i mean my brother pls -.- but of course he'll be giving me th cab fare. i'll insist man.

i'm nicer to my brother okay. i gave him my cable, i taught him some stuff and, i let him play my electric. haha. not that i feel better, kiddingkidding.

after training, dad picked me up and then went out for dinner with ryan. yeaps. my brother. alexavier joined us, he needed some stuff from my MP3. which was why i DESPERATELY ran around trying to get someone to lend me her earpiece today during traning. thank you courtney, ayleen, alicia; who TRIED. and amanda and abigail who could. I LOVE YOU GUYS! i'm returning amanda her earpiece (i took amanda's yupp.) on thursday. dad's giving me his then. yayy. haha.

al needed some stuff for song collaborations? or whatever. yeahs whatever. haha. some band thingy thing. i'm surprised he trusts my taste that much. gosh. an honour, coming from the rock AND JAZZ expert here. yeah total expert on jazz. mmhmms.

after that went for ED practise. got my cables from seb, then left after about half an hour. i have to wake up at SEVEN AM tomorrow morning luh. gotta meet jeff for breakfast at 9am tomorrow. thinking of changing it to 10am though.. cause wee shiang can only at 12pm. rahhh. haha oh wells.

anyways, THANKS AMANDA FOR THE EARPIECE she lent me her IPOD earpiece luhh.. AND THANKS SEB FOR THE CABLES. he lent me two instead of one. wow. you can ask for 'em back anytime..

I'm goin' down in Louisiana, Baby, behind the sun. I'm goin' down in Louisiana, Baby, behind the sun. Well, you know I just found out my trouble just begun.
louisiana blues.
muddy waters.

FINE SO NOT IMPRESSIVE, thats the whole frigging song. but ya have to HEAR it. total killer. but they're so old my music quality aint goood...

2006-11-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

I"M TELLING YOU! BLUES IS FUCKING INTERESTING AND FUCKING NICE! gosh. haha. read the following extracts. damn cooool.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Robert Johnson
Born: May 8, 1911, Hazelhurst, Mississippi
Died: August 28, 1938, Greenwood, Mississippi

A young Robert Johnson hung around the Saturday night dances in the Delta watching Son House, Willie Brown and Charley Patton play and, to their amusement, trying to play guitar during the breaks. Years later Johnson ran into House and Brown, and Johnson's skill on the instrument stunned them. He had acquired his skill in such a short time that it inspired a rumor that became legend — Johnson must have sold his soul to the devil. His tortured voice and emotional intensity seemed to give credence to the legend, although it is more likely that his own determination and inherent talent, as well as his exposure to the great Delta bluesmen, deserve the credit for his genius. In addition to being a gifted lyricist and composer and innovative guitarist, Johnson transferred "boogie woogie" from the piano to the guitar, playing the bottom guitar strings to accompany himself with a bass line, a technique that has become standard in blues composition.

His influence on blues, from Muddy Waters and Eric Clapton to the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin, is legendary.

Essential listening: "Walkin' Blues," "Love in Vain Blues," "Come on in My Kitchen," "Terraplane Blues," "Crossroad Blues"

Charley Patton
Born: 1891, Edwards, Mississippi
Died: April 28, 1934, Indianola, Mississippi

Charley Patton is the uncontested father of the Delta blues. His ferocious, high energy performance brought the house down on a regular basis with a gritty, raw vocal style and an ability to act as a one-man percussion section with his guitar, creating an innovative flow of rhythm and counter-rhythm. His uninhibited performances onstage were reflected in his lifestyle — he was a match for any one of his musical descendants as a hard drinker and womanizer. Patton's legacy has inspired, directly and indirectly, generations of both blues and rock and roll musicians. The guitar gymnastics of Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan are echoes of Patton's performance style, and his use of rhythm and "popping" bass notes presaged funk by decades. Patton influenced and played with blues greats Son House and Willie Brown, and also influenced Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, Johnny Shines, John Lee Hooker, and Pop Staples, among many others.

Essential listening: "Pony Blues," "High Water Everywhere," "Oh Death," "High Sheriff Blues"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he influenced stevie ray vaughn pleaseee! haha. he rocks man. but these guys, the freaking FATHERS. it;s the ultimate extreme. i'm on a freaking highhhh. haha.

mmhmm so anyway. today went to school.
I'M IN THE CLASS AND COMBI I WANTED. well kinda.
3/5, art, history.
yupps. now just have to appeal for the rest.

was supposed to meet justin and jesslyn but cancelled last minute. haha yeah. wante dto go for mass, but see, time flew by when i was on my guitar. haha

OH AND I WATCHED COVENANT. FREAKING NICE. tyler and caleb are WAY hot yes! haha. more about it next time.

okay. i really wanna get back to my music. if you want any of the songs (i HIGHLY recommend muddy waters.) just ask(:

two days chasing me around. i go crazy when you're outside of my world; when you're out. no sounds singing me to sleep.. just be with me...
40 kinds of sadness.
ryan cabrera.

(excuse the in accuracy. IN A RUSH.)

2006-11-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
so i'm bored. haha.

kinda peeved at the moment though. BUT I'M FINE! cause of my door thing. the smell is STILL here and i want my aircon! ): fine, so its sunday but it;s make up for yesterday. gosh. everyone can see my waggling my naked bottom in time to hit me baby one more time.

puh-lease. my music taste is NOT that trashy. okay fine. i like the song. haha. but im not that trashy. i'm.... creative. HAHA. jack-ed. i def do not do that. sorry to disappoint ya'all. rights. haha.

so anyway, people have been really concerned for me, that im depressed again. which is fucking ironic since i just CAME OUT from de.. okay nevermind. it's just ironic that NOW when i'm OKAY... haha. alright alright. but yeah you get it. the last 2 days wwerent exactly marvelous, and well yeah my life isnt that fantastic now. but ever since i started going to church more it's been better. ever since i started praying more its been better. i just dont let it affect me so much, like, for example, its a problem with my dad, i'm not gonna let it affect my mood when i go out with FRIENDS. it's different things. ofcourse, i dont ignore it. i just do what i can. it's been alot better with that mindset. but there are un-fantastic days. and this is NOT one of them(: i'm fine people. trust me.

AND I LOVE YOU GUYS! it;s really nice people care. yupps. finally. hahahah okay kidding. wont be cynical! hahahah. THANKS ANDRE!(:

caspar messaged me on friendster again, weird ass. ahaha. he;s ALWAYS on the comp., but NEVER online. weird right> gosh. i could NEVER do that. unless its a vague check for some tabs and chords. which reminds me, i forgot the rift for shook me all night long, and if i'm not careful i'll forget the solo for iris and intro for desperado. shoot. i forgot the intro already. hahahah okok nevermind. will attack the guitar later.

it hasnt been smokin' lately.

today was an okay day. went to GKK's house again, watched xmen3 and the maid. yups. WARREN AND HUGH JACKMAN ARE JUST HOT! OKAY,PLEASE! hahaha. forget the evil hugh in prestige man. i'm in love with the broody good guy. yes thats my type. woohoo. okay fine. forgive my high-ness. haha./ but doncha just AGREE! they are hot man.yupps

maid was freaky okayy! and i'm sleeping with the DOOR OPEN! hahah. i love my aunty cora dear alot. yes i do. when she chases me with the spatula, even more. heh heh. love love! and i'm fillipino too luhh.

highlight of the day was the seafood dinner. well, the chit chat. it was REALLY fun today with my family. it was as if i... let go. well, i could finally chat err.. weirdly, to put it mildly and not be looked at with disgust. i was just kinda 'initiated' to it. i'm now so much more confortable.

oh crap that is so wrong.! haha. what i mean is that, today i could talk more openly and frankly with them. offer more opinions, be looked at as an adult not a child. it was a whole lot more different.

downside is kowkong doesnt remember my birthday -.- ahhahaha. he and my bro are going jamming? right. haha. on my birthday. uhhuh.

OH YEAH RYAN HAS A NEW PLUG IN ACCOUSTIC! bloody asshole. hahah. actually it's not his. GKK's, on loan.luckily it's not a samick or martin. or i'll just that bugger. haha. it did cost 450bucks though -.- vintage too. asshole. haha. oh and he now has a marshall amp. with NO cable. heh heh. fine so i lent him mine. i did okay! i'm getting him one too. oh no.. i just realised i should have gotten him that for xmas. haha. seb;s giving me two of his, cause mine's gonna bust anyway. THANK YOU SEB!(:

oh and the other plus was the fifty bucks i got. woohoo. though that aint goin' into my savings. ITS HOLIDAYS! IM SPLURGING! need a new squash ball anyway.. double yellow ball is gonna get way too easy to play with at the rate im going. fine, im not going at any rate. i just want a new challenge. haha.

squash on friday people. you know my number!

yupps. tomorrows gonna be a pretty relaxed day. it'll be my MUSIC day. after the school thingy lah. come back home, gna practise piano and guitar like vrooooom. especially the things i mentioned above *points up*. piano exam, AGAIN, next year. cause of my two year break in 07 and 08. yups. oh wells i guess? oh and at night, doin' some research on music. yupp. better get pretty hardcore now if i really want to do this.

alright. off to get a cup of COKE, well diet really, and finish off my book. yupps.

ILOVEYOU OKAY!(:
and yes your hair rocks! :D

I LOVE EVERYONE ELSE! HAHA(x

I know you think that love is the way you make it; so I dont wanna be there when you decide to break it. (love bites, love bleeds)It's bringin me to my knees
(love lives, love dies) Its no surprise! (love begs, love pleads) It's what I need..
love bites.
def leppard.

I AM SO CRAZY OVER THIS SONG OKAY!!!! LOVE IT TO THE CORE!(:

2006-11-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

lalala~~

okay that was a bit ahlian. just a little bored and pissed.

yes in fact. i am very very very pissed off. my mother repainted by door today at say, 8? AT NIGHT. with a thousand coats cause the color wouldnt stay and it hasnt DRIED yet. oh you dont get it? I CANT CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR SO WHEN I CHANGE AND STUFF MY NAKED TORSE IS BARE TO THE WORLD. alright kidding. hahaha. duh. but seriously, i cant close the door. that means NO aircon. (i only get aircon on weekends) plus the smell gives me a head-- no scratch that, MIGRAINE. popped some ponstan alr anyway. hope it'll help.

and on the downside its WHITE. yes, freaky scary white. dont get me wrong; i love white as much as the next person. BUT NOT ON MY DOOR. gahhh. it's just freaky having this huge white fat ass thing like, staring at you at night. in the dark, BOOM! white. no offence to my dear door of course. it's kept me locked in and locked others out pretty well. i mean, thats the door right? haha.

so actually yeah my mood HAS improved. not faking it now. just the door thingy getting to me. plus, it doesnt seem to go with my room deco. mm well. the walls are blue, LIGHT BLUE but there;s alot of browns and dark browns. and black of course. oh wells? heh. and there's hints of pink thru the white -.- so ewww. WHAT?! i was SIX YEARS OLD! i wasnt tom boyish then lah pleasee!

hmm so anyways. today was a pretty good day. i saw loads of people. well, no. if you dont include those that came for class. errr... lessee.. serena, angie, sherman (HE DIDNT BRING THE CHICKEN!), abigail, amos, jeremy, ryan, ethelbert, gerald, alex, eunice, sarah yap, janna, addison, debs, deirdre, val, beatrice, vienna and tat. err about that? haha. you shoulda seen ethelbert, ryan, jat and amos play TWISTER. sick to the core man.

DEIRDRE. I SALUTE YOU!. hahahaha. goshh.

oh and i had to chase ryan around church. not unexpected, but i nearly pulled addison down. hahahah. but that was kinda accidental cause my slippers are slippery (no pun intended.) and i nearly banged into him. but he also kinda said somethin'? so i was gonna go after him anyway. heh heh. whoops. my bad addison!(:

after class, I DESIGNED THE BACK OF THE CLASS SHIRT! :D well. kinda tried to? haha. but we settled on one anyway. did the board, heh. thats where we got the idea. my brother came over and the guys discussed games. cant roll my eyes here man. i'm in LOVE with need for speed, x-men, halo 1 + 2, rainbow six, quake 3, counterstrike and halflife. LOVES TO BITS! heh heh. lovin' it doesnt mean i'm good though.

saw justin after class. (shut up people! :D) and greg on the way to the busstop. me, not him. haha. HEY PEOPLE! :DD

went to j8, ryan and err ryan got off earlier cause they wanted to walk. -.- but i beat them there by a mile. haha. got my book; not the one i wanted thou, STILL GREAT!; and my cheesy hotdogs and then went home. ryan, the not my brother one, walked us back. had a bit of fun at the ELDERLY work station thingy. yups; the cycle things.

never a boring moment today. i loved the fun!

maybe meeting the saint gabs guys next weeK? hmm. dont know, guess we;ll have to see. anyways, gonna go sleep in my open door room now. it's early but i'm wasted (1230am only luh!) oh gosh, what if i talk in my sleep!!!!!!!!!!!

another day of endless mahjong and movies tomorrow. yupps. good night people! I LOVE YOU!

THANKS EUGENE FOR WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE;DEEP PURPLE! yes i recommend it! HATE LOSING SONGS LUHHH..

And as the summer's ending, The cool air will put your hard heart away.You were so condescending...And this is all that's left:
photobooth.
deathcab for cutie. (ben kor recommended them to me! :D)

2006-11-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

damn.
in a super bad mood now. totally bad. gahh.

seriously since that bloody night about my brother the thing. it's just been getting worse. alot more worse. mmhmm. enough about myself hatred.

since yesterday alot of things have been going way wrong. the bloody notre dame de paris concert was cancelled today. well, the tickets we got were taken away or whatever bloody shit. now, cathay bowl is sold to family leisure. so games are going for $3.80

THREE FUCKING DOLLARS AND EIGHTY STINKIN' CENTS.

thats like, 2 games for about 10 bucks. assholes lah. cathay was doing fine without them. oh alright whatever. i'm gonna complain in this whole post. part of me cares, the other part doesnt. too bad.

mmhmms. besides that loads of other stuff happened yesterday. which i will NOT mention. since the thing was cancelled, i stayed home today. was actually planning to sleep the whole day thru, and have a really late night tonight. instead, went to meet my brother for about an hour? yeaps. got mum and dad's xmas present. but well, need some liquor to go with it. yeps. anyone can get for me? actually it's not a need, but baileys would be nice. the new caramel one is nice. mint aint bad. mm whatever. vodka and barcardi will have to do. maybe get some tomato or lime juice.

going off track.

so had ben&jerrys today, you know. make myself happier? right like that would work. all it did was disagree with my stomach and give me excruciating pains and make me puke twice. ahh whatever. im hungry now anyway.

god, i hate myself.

such a loser. so inadequate, such a frickin jealous bitch. i dont... sighs. i swore not to let this affect me so much. it makes me feel even more useless to let it affect. i promise you, tomorrow i'll be happy. or i'll just pretend to be. alright?

thanks alexavier (for the bloody corny jokes!), maryanne (for reminding me i'm better than himmmm), sebastian (for telling me without end to cheer up.), nigel (for reminding me that i'm not useless. but i am.!), lorraine (for the lollipop. i love you dear<3 size="4">axel (for opening youself up to me and listening.), jeffrey (for always making sure i'm alright.)

lorraine is sweet okay. she saw that i wasnt feeling good yesterday, gave me her lollipop. real sweet girl(: primary 3. heh.

al,jeff,nigel. thanks for always always always being there. i know i can always count on you.

but i still hate myself.

baby, i compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave. ooh the more i get of you the stranger it feels, yeah. now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grave.
kiss from a rose.
seal.

2006-11-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

lately, well not really lately, it's been accumulative, i've been surpressing my brothers attempts at learning guitar. when he comes to borrow my capo, my accoustic, my files and other stuff besides i find excuses to deny him access to these items. especially my files. i lock 'em away and when he does get his hands upon them, i tell them they're copyrighted. which (obviously) is a very lame and OBVIOUS excuse. i absolutely forbid him to touch my electric, using the scratches on the back as an excuse saying that he probably did it because i'm TOO careful with it. i'm not exactly sure who did it, i think he did. though i do have my doubts and absolutely no shred of evidence at all.

i feel like crap now. today i just realised what i am feeling doing this; i always knew i felt a strong emotion, just couldnt place it. now i know.

i'm jealous.

jealous of all his bloody attempts to be better than me, to get the strumming right and beat me once again in everything. a blind man can see from my tone of saying the previous statement that i am, indeed jealous. it disgusts me. i mean, it disgusts me to be jealous. i know that it is human nature to be jealous, but i simply cannot take it. well, not the small things that people feel. but the things they feel so strongly about and actually take action to take it or well, prevent it, in my case.

for me, i just cant see my brother being better than me. in other words, i cant let go. i can take him being better than me in studies, charm, squash, badminton, bowling and all the other fucking shit he can do but NOT MUSIC. no. thats mine. i just cant let go. and that kills me, to know that i am what i hate. that i am jealous. of my own brother nonetheless.

it kills and disgusts me to see that i am becoming what i hate, but it kills me even more to see my brother take hold of the thing i love the most.

it's selfishness as well, to squander his talent. i know there will always be people better than me, but not him. not in music. even as he's not even close to beating my guitar grasp and shit and of course my reach in music. no. not close. but this is my opinion, shredded with jealousy, envy and selfishness so do not trust it. but trust the fact that i love music alot, way too much, and i cant let go. i will not let go.

sighs. i once read somewhere, that:
"god judges your good on what you have done and the joy and peace you have brought to others, but he does not judge the bad on what you have done, but what you have failed to do and the suffering you have brought to others."

and for that i swear i hate me.

2006-11-02T18:49:00.000+08:00

Seven things that scare me:
1. the dark.
2. SPIDERS! ewww.
3. being alone. like now.
4. losing ALL my songs.
5. MY ELECTRIC BEING SMASHED UP!
6. losing everything.
7. not accomplishing what i was meant to do.

Seven random songs at the moment:
1. That's Why by Micheal Learns To Rock.
2. The World Is New by Save Ferris.
3. Walk This Way by Aerosmith.
4. 1000 Julys by Third Eye Blind.
5. Pretty Vegas by INXS.
6. Skatanic by Reel Big Fish.
7. Unchained by Van Halen.

Seven things I like the most:
1. MUSIC.
2. my friends.
3. family(:
4. my santa fe strat copy.
5. THE JS100, JS1000, 70's FENDER STRAT, FADED G400.
6. drums. ooh yes please!
7. handphone?

Seven important things in my bedroom:
1. my bed lah duh of course.
2. MY GUITAR STRAT COPY):
3. computer. thankyouforthemusic!
4. fan?
5. air con.definitely.
6. AMPLIFIER!
7. bookshelf. good reads.

Seven random facts about me:
1. i hate being jealous.
2. i want a fender strat.
3. i dont say things i dont mean.
4. i'm a tomboy?
5. my phone is running out of cash.
6. i'm fillipino, dutch, portuguese, thai, peranakan.
7. my eyes hurt.

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. find my soulmate.
2. forgive everyone and hope they forgive me.
3. become a guitar prodigy.
4. become a journalist and write about MUSIC.
5. get every single song that exists.
6. meet eric clapton, carlos santana, all members of goo goo dolls and 3EB, eddie van halen, jon bon jovi, jimmy page, stevie ray vaughn, BB King, albert collins, steve vai, steve tyler, jimi hendrix, joe satriani and all the other bloody bands in my 'i worship' list.
7. er. get married?

Seven things I can do:
1. play guitar.
2. play piano.
3. i can talk on the phone for 7 hours :D
4. sms 500 messages in a day
5. 50 in half an hour
6. bowl.
7. i can tell you to SHUT UP.

Seven things I say the most (online?):
1. hahaha.
2. okayyyyy.
3. righttt.
4. SMILE LAH!
5. im bored.
6. LETS GO OUT!
7. call me kay?

Seven celebrity crushes:
1. JOSH HARTNETT!
2. JAKE GYLENHAAL.
3. hugh jackman.
4. johnny depp.
5. eric bana.
6. the phantom guy.
7. that model person.

Seven qualities I want in a potential boyfriend:
1. killer smile.
2. great eyes.
3. nice hair.
4. loyal, honest and NOT too jealous.
5. a touch of eau de bad boy.
6. doesnt expect me to spend every single moment of every single day with him.
7. only actually starts to say i love you to me, when he means it, with every fibre of his being.

Seven people I want to do this:
do i care?

2006-11-01T22:11:00.000+08:00

ugh. bad mood in spite of a good day
hopefully remembering will help me to feel better.

mmhmm so anyway. met up with ayleen at 1pm at bishan mrt. apparently she doesnt know the way to causeway, woodlands mrt for you dumbos, so yeahs. haha. met jesslyn at causeway, didnt really recognise her WHOOPS. haha.

went up to get tickets. yes, mum was working there for the day, just selling tix and all that stuff cause cathay members need the experience yupp. so we got free tickets. went down to eat lunch, though ayleen didnt eat, at LJS. i swear, i'm obsessed with the food at that place! then we went up, watched the prestige.

it was a good movie. full of confusing stuff. love, deceit, betrayal, jealousy, rhetorical arguments and all the other chim stuff which i dont understand. hahaha. well that was for 'rhetorical argument' only.. heh heh.. but really. it was SUPER confusing. i needa go watch it again.

any takers?

hmm so.. after that. got my SHOES! i love em to pieces. heh heh. super nice. but apparently i have huge feet. couldnt get size-.- SO AXEL MY FEET ARE BIGGGGGGGGGG! NOT SMALLLLLLLLLLL! now i need to find out if thats positive or negative -.-

jess had to leave after that. yupps. OH AND SHE GOT MY SWEETS! NONONONO! hahaha./ the stupid almost 3bucks sweets kwdhslkqdsdf. hahaha. after thaat ayleen got her eyeliner and mascara. but she's going back for the white one soon. she'll make wayne i mean *ahem* SHERM get it for her. haha evil.

oh and:
WHY ARE MAKE UP CONSULTANTS SUCH BIMBOS?
goshness all their laughs and hee hee hee -.-
annoying.

after that we wanted to go candy empire, well, i did. but changed our minds on the FIFTY SIX HUNDRED AND THREE MINUTE RIDE THERE (well who's timing?) and decided to go NYDC instead. yups. whats better than tiramisu and icecream? TIRAMISU MUDPIE!!!

for tiramisu fanatics like me, try it at NYDC. god, i havent been there in ages. well, today was the first i'd been in years! well, about one year.

mmhmms so after that went to j8, she took a cab back. i walked. so yeah goood day. mood aint helping lah rah.

Cause there's always somebody, who's out there waiting for someone to take them away. If I search long enough I might find that someone, waiting to take me away..... yeah but not today!
ashes.
socialburn.

2006-10-31T13:17:00.000+08:00

hmm.
i've got training in about 2 hours.. think i'm gonna go early. sit there with a drink and read a book. i dont think i'm gonna make it thru training man. my hand is injured pretty badly. oh wells... damnn..

anyways, i dont think i'll be able to come online till tomorrow so thought i'd come and blog before i go.

I SAW KENNETH, SHAWN AND JIN CHENG AT THE BBALL COURTS. heh heh. we're going out soon. WHEN AND IF they call me lah -.- oh wells? haha. they've all got girlfriends now. mmhmm. congrats. JC is such the playboy now. cant stand it *shakes head*

met sebastian at junction for lunch. we all kinda couldnt decide what to eat.. so fine. pasta mania. i swear, i had to force myself to finish the pasta, let alone the bloody BACON! no offence to dad, my brother and sebastian, BUT BACON IS EVIL. hahahahahahah! kidding. random sentence in my head.

hmm so we walked around abit. went to best denki. sebastian got his headphones after standing there for *ahem* 15 minutes? haha. it's ai-ight dude. haha. left to wait for his bus. but it was already so he ran. yupps.

thursday okay? pleasee!

thanks for following me out dude! :D

after that i needed to pee so i went to the CC. checked in dome. nope, maryanne wasnt there. she spends alot of time (and money) at dome -.- walked home the scenic, not long, scenic, way. and yeah at the courts i saw them. yeahs

alright. listening to the new goo goo dolls CD now. rocks lah please. heh heh. its not so much more accoustic-y. more electrics used this time. and a touch of piano and violin?great CD people. go buy it.

LET LOVE IN
GOO GOO DOLLS
RELEASED IN 2006

yesyes. go! (dont forget the five for fight one too. TWO LIGHTS!)

You've been hiding in the shadows, have you forgotten how we used to dream? Let me remind you; the light doesn't blind you at all, it just helps you see.

where have you been.
goo goo dolls.

2006-10-30T18:29:00.000+08:00

i havent blogged since friday.
haha.
well, no mood and no chance too.

anyway, saturday and sunday was pretty uneventful. except for the fact that i have to bring food for th byebye partayee! next week at cath. bring mum's apple crumble. yeah she's making it so no fear of being poisoned. but i think im going to amos's house? so.... GAH. i'll have to bring it here and there.

oh and gpp and gkk got me a speaker set, you know for the iPod im saving up for -.- rightttt. motivation. motivation my foot. more like i'm gonna hang it up somewhere, gaze at it for the next 5 or 6 years at the rate im going.

okay. my birthday, x'mas and CNY is coming. will save up from there.

gonna HAVE to go xmas shopping soon. i have to buy presents for mum, dad, ryan, aunty cora and a few of my friends. i really really REALLY cant afford presents for everyone.. so all the other close friends who didnt get it.. IM REALLY SORRY. i'll do a mass dedication here (haha.) and individual ones for the more special ones who didnt get anything.

byebye fifty bucks man.

so anyways. today was a kinda okay day. managed to let my parents let me go bowling. heh. cause i havent bowled in AGES and tomorrow's the bloody roll off. i swear, im going to DIE tomorrow lah. my two games today didnt even HIT hundred. im so dead lah. ah whatever. cant really be bothered with their bias-ness lah whatthefuck.

im not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

anyways, met axel at braddel. oh and darryl too. axel's cousin. i've seen daryl before. haahaha. oh and axel bought me a drink :D cause we bet on my line. fifth board will hit pocket.boom, it didnt. too bad dude! you owe me coke. haha.
THANKS AXEL! AGAIN SOON YEAHS? :D

oh and darryl is EVVVIIIILLL i swear. i was bad too lah i admit. all i did was swing the leaf at him, which had alot of water la, but blame the rain. so he got wet. but he kicked the water at me! *innocent smile* hahaha. rightt sarah.. righttttt.

oh yayy i'm gonna meet ethelbert for dinner or lunch soon. yayys(:

Deep inside of your mind, you're forced to believe. That nothing's gonna change, so I take you by the hand.
open your eyes.
12 stones.

new songs by the way! heh heh. love 'em to pieces.!

2006-10-27T12:42:00.000+08:00

rahhhhh.
im in a better mood from wednesday. though still annoyed. but not about them. IM ANNOYED CAUSE IM SICK.

yes. im sick. down with the flu.
headache, body ache, fever, sore throat and a REALLY bad cold.

i hate colds, i swear. you cant sleep properly at night cause you keep sneezing and have to, just HAVE to blow it all out. instead of sucking it all in cause then its SO uncomfortable and so eww. haha. okok that was so wrong. its my new phrase. that is just so wrong. mum is getting cause i kept using it last night while we were watching shows whatever and whichever. i cant remember already. haha.

I HAD PLANS YESTERDAY LUH. i was supposed to meet jeff and gabriel and eugene tay -.- im supposed to chose a jacket for jeff. hahaha. and I HAD PLANS TODAY TOO. i was supposed to meet axel. damn. hope he can make it on monday.

well technically im grounded till next wednesday. but i havent bowled in months so monday would be my warm up. with AXEL. hahah. i hope

oh and you know my brother is damn annoying. -.-
i ask him buy for me strepsils. so okay. but there wasnt enough money left (he was buying ice cream for me. hahaha.) so he went to buy the war heads squirty liquid sour sweet thingy. like, what the fuck right?

IM OBSESSED WITH FRICKIN ALOT OF BAND NOW!
rascal flats, something corporate, reel big fish, thrice, deathcab for cutie, less than jake.
I SWEAR THEY ARE DAMN NICE LAH!

(i;m annoyed with my brother -.- he keeps coming in for NO reason no matter how many times i chase him out -.-!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I can tell as you turn, I smell the sulfur so clear. And fire's a beautiful sound, and the wings that you burn turn to ashes my dear. And ashes just fall to the ground, yeah we're only ashes.
only ashes.
something corporate.

2006-10-25T17:00:00.000+08:00

wah lau. i swear im not gonna put this on little font cause I SERIOUSLY DONT CARE. im damn fucking pissed off with the whole lot of you. honestly, it MAY be my problem. but if you dont actually enjoy my company and going out can you PLEASE just tell it to my face instead of ignoring me?! i mean COME ON LAH. thats fucking cowardice you assholes! please, i only say things i mean. i dont say them if i dont mean it. SO WHEN I SAY JUST TELL IT TO MY FUCKING FACE, JUST FREAKING DO IT OKAY? dont just shrug and say i dont know, or worse, deny the fucking thing. if you're not going to face what i have to say about it, then why do it in the first place? gosh. and i still cant stand what you did to him please stop denying luh.

i've had it from his mouth and another reliable source. what the fuck. i cant stand it already lah. come on you all. if you hate me just say it. if you hate him just say it. put me out from my aggravation and him from his misery. we deserve better than this, and by better i mean it being told to our face. whatever we did to offend you, whatever. i honestly dont think we did anything.

the only wrong i see myself doing is that IM WAY TOO FAT FOR ALL OF YOU AND I DONT LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING. MAYBE I'M A LITTLE TOO CRAZY. WHATEVER. I'M NOT COOL ENOUGH EITHER. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. IM NOT WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE. I'M WHO I AM. I CHANGE WITH TIME. BUT I CHANGE FOR NO ONE. NOT THAT YOU'RE ASKING ME TO CHANGE, BUT TELL IT TO MY FACE IF I SUCK.

the only wrong i can kinda sense HE'S doing, is that HE'S MAYBE A LITTLE IRRITATING TO YOU. AND SENSITIVE AND QUIET THAT YOU CANT SEE WHATS WRONG AND CARE A LITTLE MORE FOR A FRIEND.

in fact, thats whats wrong with the whole fucking world.

you dont care, you cant bring yourself to care. only about yourself. im guilty of it too, sure. not caring for everyone. but i at least try to care for all i can and if thats not enough than whatever. it's all about YOU. about hanging out with the right people, just to look cool. about having a pretty girlfriend who's slim and nice but seriously a frickin despo. and dude, you pprobabaly are too.

oh my god. i dont hate you all. i dont hate anyone.
but if you're gonna be so materialistic.. i cant bring myself to like you. but i dont hate you.

we'll see. if you all ever call me to go out, and ACTUALLY MEAN IT, and not just the 2 hims cause i know they seriously care, then we'll see.

who wants to bet now?

there';s so many more things i can seriously say. but.. im tired. and im grounded. i wanna sleep.

fuck you all man. i've seriously had it.

out.

2006-10-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
im actually pretty lazy to blog actually. in not much of a mood.
IM REALLY PISSED OFF AT THE MOMENT.

and i sent gabriel a testi cause of that.
oh noo...
i ended off in the testi saying:
Why should i care right?
now i feel like such a bitch. gahhh.

so anyways. yesterday i was DESPERSATE to go out, cause the sat. cliche didnt wanna go out -.- or rather, amos pang sehed us and jati followed amos back to his house. so..... I didnt wanna go to his house lah. got 2 other guys going.. and considering.
hmm. okay nevermind.

made plans with eugene and regina. but regina fell sick. aww! hope you're okay babe! love loads!

considering going to ECP but i remember i wanted to go church -.- haha. so. met ambs and sel at somerset. oh gosh. i was frigging late! im so sorry dears! the practically FORCED me to watch that stupid scary show lah. at least i got my nachos! :D thank yous!

SILK. I SWEAR ITS FREAKING SCARY LORR I HAD TO KEEP GRABBING SEL AND I WAS SCREAMING MY FUCKING HEAD OFF LAH LIKE GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!.

okok. overreaction haha. but whats scary to me is comical to others. but gosh! ahaha. I HATE YOU AMBRA!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha.

after that we went vivo, so i didnt go church -.- sad though. they got their gift so audrey and their curfew being like, SEVEN and me wanting to go OUT till late, so i made plans with jeff and gab. thats when my mood took a downhill. (yesyesi didnt go church):) rahhhhhhh. but oh wells. i was okay lah. THANK YOU GABRIEL FOR THE SWEETS!

today was bloody boring. the only moderately okay thing was the going out with panya and courtney meis (i seriously lost count of all my meis -.- hahah. BUT THEY ARE ALL SPECIAL I LOVEEEE YOU GUYS!) and met marc, bernard and whatshis name. hahahaha. whateverrrrr. hahaha.

we watched some movies and did the shoe box thing -.- oh yeah, they was an excursion on monday. boring like shit luh.*yawns*

gahh. guess i'm still kinda pissed off and shit. oh wells.

i want ice cream.
again.

I kill myself from the inside out, And all my fears have pushed you out. And I wished for things that I don't need. All I wanted;
sympathy.
goo goo dolls.

2006-10-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

well.. pretty lazy to blog today. haha. but ohwells. short one.

finally managed to sleep at 3am last night, and was forced awake by dad blasting my songs on the comp at like, NINE AM. wa lauuu.. was bloody tired, i swear.

dad made us pon church -.-

I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET JUSTIN FOR CHURCH LORR. rah. haha

went to causeway, caught world trade center. AND I SWEAR ITS FREAKING SAD LORR> i mean well.. yeah. haha. i wanted to cry): haha. not cause it was sad, CAUSE I WAS FROZEN LAH. mum gave me a holy, i mean hole-ey jacket -.- and us four were the only ones in the theatre so yes. EXTREMELY COLD!

after that, got my guitar strings GAUGE 10, cause i have to restring them. haha. rusty rusty. i havent been touching my guitar the last few days. whoops.

went to bencoolen for lunch. then went to see furniture -.- bought a book case for ME. hahaha. i think? oh no just for the heavier books -.- haha. oh then went to GILLMAN VILLAGE. and i had TIRAMISU again. i swear im just bloody obsessed with tiramisu. hahaha. so deeeee-licious. but there's NEVER enough kahlua or whatever):

the turquoise room.
WILL go there again soon. MUST. any takers? heh heh.

well. guess thats about it luh? ohoh we explored dads old camp. heh heh. at gillman village.

DADDEE GOT ME OBSESSED WITH INCUBUS LUH. haha.

talking to caspar online. he's really nice actually. we're trading music knowledge! :D

I was Cryin' when I met you, Now I'm tryin' to forget you. Your love is sweet misery. I was Cryin' just to get you, Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you. Do what you do down on me.
cryin'.
aerosmith.

OH MAN. I LOVE THIS SONG.
reminds me of HIM. whahahaha.

2006-10-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

gahhh. im freaking bored now.
haha. was planning to blog ALOT. but i cant. haha
i dont think i can? haha.

waiting for iTunes 7 to d/l.
ITS SO SCARILY SILENT LUH!

anyways. today,
met andre at the seven eleven near church today. I GOT MY SWEETS! :D hahah but i finished them in what, 20mins? no 15mins. record timing gurl.. record timing. we went to see the secretariat, now we have to see icantrememberhisnameohhno... HAHA. for the youth music ministry thingything. haha.

i saw nadya and louis, like, on the way to church.
HELLO LOUIS YOU ASSHOLE.
and yes, i really am *****less. yupps.

andre treated me to TIRAMISU at mos burger.
THANK YOU KOR!(:
but it was so freaking small and not enough alcohol):
i;m going to ask mum to DROWN it in alcohol next time she does it.

anyways, went for class. abigail ponn-ed cause she didnt feel like going, and my bro ponn-ed too, cause he went bowling. haha. class was kinda okay? haha. we did some bible thingy and i confiscated ryan's iron or steel or gold or whatever metal rod. hahaha. THANKS FOR THE SWEETS YO! haha.

we went banquet after that. THE SATURDAY CLICHE! :D
me, ryan, jeremy and amos.
whoohoo, its official. hahaha. thanks for the drink amos, iloveyou(:
abigail aint included? haha. she just kinda aint one of us lahh.. BUT SHE STILL ROCKS! heh heh heh.

after that, went home, and had to leave AGAIN to go meet dad at yishun mrt -.- i took my time. haha. so he ended up waiting for pre-tty long. but he was happy; he has his new fishing book. and i kept silent-ing the calls i recieved cause i didnt wanna have to explain why i took 45mins to leave the house. HAHA. in the end i said: nature calls. HAHAH :D
ooh man i think i lie too well already.

daddy wants to skip mass tomorrow -.-

had a good dinner (HOKKIEN MEE! nothing beats the one at beach road please!) and a good bitch-y chat with junjie. (notice i used the pine apple colours!:D) we were talking about rich guys with arrogant attitudes (kevin.) and rich guys who think they can get anything (*AHEM*) and basically all the rich guys WHO SUCK. cause actually rich guys can be pretty nice. just the main group of suck-ahs lah. haha.

AWW AND DADS SO LAME AND CUTE!
when we jaywalk, we have to:
CROSS, JUMP, AND SKIP.
hahahaha. go daddy! :D

oh no.. godma's migrating to australlia next year.. WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING UH?!?!?!

soo anyway. thats the basic update lah. not much details. heh. cause im gonna start doing my dedications to my classmates soon, but i'll keep it on drafts till its done.

--------------------------------------------------------------

anyways, i had a good question asked to me today. so... i'll answer here? haha. alexavier this is for you:

question: HOW and why can you like so many different genres of music? you HAVE to revolve around ONE main one right?!

answer: honestly, my taste of music varies. recently i was VERY into old school rock. such as ACDCD, LED ZEP and all that stuff. but im veering away and going towards pop-rock and jazz and blues. it all depends on how i change.

how i do it, is how i APPRECIATE the music. you cant appreciate jazz if you love rock and compare it to rock, right? you gotta appreciate the music for what it IS and sorta understand it of course. which is why im not really into mainstream music cause i dont understand a thing, AND WHAT THE HECK. they dont mean anything anyway. right?

oh and i dont listen to satantic music cause ITS SATANTIC. im a catholic and i love jesus, and you know, i know some of the rock i listen to MIGHT be a little satantic. but please, no rob zombie and marilyn manson for me. iron maiden and dragonforce is about my limit. and im NOT going to let myself go further.

i hate techno and dance and trance cause of the stupid beats. some of it is nice lah, but what can i say. when you've got a throbbing migraine machine in you own head, the beat gets a little hard to appreciate. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SONG IS REPETITIVE!

why? why is cause music is really central to my life and i really cant live without it. i try to listen to everything because i dont want to focus on just LISTENING to ONE genre and i want it to be more than just LISTENING.i want it to be more of understanding and feeling from one artist to another, from one genre to another. i just love it all.

soo.. does that answer your question dear alex?

---------------------------------------------------

RUTH!:THANK YOU SO SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH FOR THE SONGS BABE! YES WE SHALL GO BEAT HIM UP , ON WHAT TUESDAY YEAH? BUT I MIGHT HAVE TO MEET THE SJI GUYS IT DEPENDS. BUT NEVERMIND THAT CAN WAIT. WE'LL GO KILL HIM!.
RUTHS MUSIC TASTE ROCKS PLEASE!

iwantgoodmusictaste too):

I was hoping you would be waiting there for me lately, but you're not the kind who would be waiting, not for anybody. You're not the kind who would be waiting there for anybody, not even me.
faster.
third eye blind.

2006-10-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

LIONEL MATURED!
haha im serious. he's not so cutecute now.
hahah. aww man why am i so olddddd?!):

i only had like, 2 hours of sleep last night.
okay longer. but i kept waking up luh.
maybe it's affecting me more than i thought it would):

school was rather what the hell today. weird talks and a movie. haha. eight below. AND I JUST WATCHED IT ON SUNDAY! -.- so yeah, leaned my bag against bridget and her bag and went to sleep. heh heh. THANKS BIRD! hahah. im gonna call bridget that from now on: MY BIRD.
okay wait that sounds WRONG!
was actually supposed to watch HOTEL RWANDA but we've watched it before and its nice, but kinda draggy and boring. haha. i wanted to watch Pride & Prejudice. will go read the book later! :D

after school, the original people who were supposed to go eat ben&jerries didnt go -.- only me, beatrice, annabelle, mandy, esther and june went. whoohoo! love ya guys! :D

UNITED SQUARE WAS FUN!
(i DID have B&Js heh heh shhhh.)
we were all running around in this maze-grass thingy and cam whored like crazy. hahah. oh and at macs, belle saw this super tall guy and who-knows-what else and she started laughing like crazy -.- like whatever, please? hahaha. but it really was super fun! most of the photos are up on my friendster :D im lazy to put em here. go belle's blog. got almost all too. haha.

oh and the maze guy was nice(: he took photo for us!

beat lost the photos): I WANT MY RENDEZVOUS WITH THE PIRATE PHOTO! ITS NICE!. like super frigging nice lah. but oh wells yeah?

oh and the lady at B&Js cheated us!
haha. she said the cone was $5.50, den i say okay. but den, she ask me if i want 2 flavours instead of just one. i said okay. and it turned out to be 8bucks instead. CHEATER LAH. hahah oh wells. she was damn pretty and had the super-good-at-english type of voice which i really wish i had ): haha.

june had some of my icecream, WHY?
cause she followed me. heh heh. too bad ya'all!

anyways, went to novena awhile. but me and june had to go, and i was kinda late for class anyway. haha. sorry for getting pissed just now at united people. IM SORRY! REALLY!. i was just reallyreally tired.

i decided:
i will not quit piano. and i will take exam next year, so in sec 4 and 5 i'll do piano for leisure and relaxation, so i can concentrate more on Ns and Os. yuppyupp.

gahh. im tired now. gonna read a few pages of pride and prejudice (YAYY!) then hit the bed. WO YAO KHOON. haha

oh and JJ is giving me tuition!
maths and science...
oh noooo...

If you are not mine then why does your heart return, my call. If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand, at all. I never know what the future brings, but I know you are here with me now.
if you're not the one.
daniel bedingfield.

2006-10-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

"i dont know but i'm just really so stuck. i cant believe it happened. it's just such a big regret and now you're ignoring. it's like nothing ever happened right? it's like NOTHING. it doesnt mean anything, AT ALL. how could i have known that? stupid thing is i dont really love YOU. i cant take it. nothing was REAL. how could i have been so stupid? i dont know what came over me. it just all happened so fast and i let you and it didnt mean anything. WHY? CAUSE YOU'RE WAITING FOR HER. you couldnt have told me first? why not huh? WHY? i expected nothing of it, i just didnt expect you to feel NOTHING. a shock, a lesson learnt. what do i mean to you? absolutely nothing. like a fool i fell for it again. only now, I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU. so see, you used me, but not as badly as you thought you did. in fact, you could say I used YOU. hah. you can get me multiple times. but i'm not hurt. i'm still standing. barely a scratch any where. all i have is the feeling of eww, of why, and of how i'm still standing. and i'm happy. dude, i'm smiling. you taught me a lesson."

if you can read it, good for you.

2006-10-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

im bored.
oh man. i swear im frigging bored..

hmmm. today was the frisbee competition, but we had to stop halfway cause of the haze. yadayada. hahaha. WE WON ALL EXCEPT AGAINST TWO ONE LUH. we didnt have a chance to go against two eight. cause yeah, haze. BUT anyway,

WE WON FIRST PLACE!
(you can see how happy i am cause i NEVER use this colour for anything this else except lyrics)

tied with two four but gah. WE BEAT THEM LAH PLEASE. hahaah
thanks to all the people who PARTICIPATED in the bloody thing,
excluding me luh duh. hahaha.

YOU GUYS WORKED FOR IT.
dont have to include me in the prize :D
unless you want to ahahaha. (:

after school..
decided not to go for training cause there's no bloody point anyway, and there was no transportation -.- so yupps. didnt go. hahaha. thanks june and esther for waiting for me to eat luncH! :D lucky we didnt get stalked eh ahaha...

oh i discovered new songs on my iTunes today! :D
yes. DISCOVERED. hahah.

live for you by i dont know cause apparently the song doesnt exist -.-
saviour by jason sweet

jason sweets is CHRISTIAN blahhblahh. super nice!
super nice, i swear. ask me for it yupps! :D

mandy didnt come school today.
hope you're alright babe!LOVES!

TWOFIVE DESTRESS OUTING TOMORROW!

And I think I need a Savior like you, one who talks to me; someone who sees everything I see. I think i need a Savior like you, one who hears my prayers. Someone who always will be there.
saviour.
jason sweet.

2006-10-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

gahh.
i swear i'm super bored now. haha.
I FINALLY FOUND THE SONG I WANTED SINCE 1923691236291 YEARS AGO!. aahah. fine, since primary school haha.

breakfast at tiffanys'
deep blue something

yes. deep blue something is the name. have a feeling sebastian will like the song. haha. thanks for today yeah, im cheered up. considerably.
anyways. i'll try and make this long. haha. starting with monday night yeah?

went for league that night. yayy hello PINEAPPLE HEAD! jun jie. heh heh. haha. actually i was nice and i didnt call him that okay!. hahaha. i was nice. anyway, tried to bowl, 3 frames. all zero please. haha. so yeah didnt bowl alr. haha. had to not do league. feeling rather and pathetic.

sorry DnA! i really couldnt take it! will make up for it next time okay yesyes?

anyways. after that dad brought me and ryan to northpoint awhile. woohoo. we were talking about russel peters the !PILLAY or whatever. haha. super funny can! and ryan was like, urrhhh, what? haha. went to starbucks. had my java coffee chocolate blahhblahh drink. hahaha. im IMAGINATIVE lah. dad and ryan just had ice blended mocha -.- haha. and i got my chocolate lollipop! hahaha.

messaged geo a bit. planned to meet up the next day (tuesday)

so anyway. the night wasnt that much interesting,. except i think marc asked me to call him and when i did, he was asleep? haha. that night right?

so anyway. tuesday.
ahaha. damn whatthehell lah. i woke up at 530 and went to brush my teeth, then i realised, oh yeah, i dont have school. HAHA. so went back to sleep. kinda overslept >.<>geovenn a bit late. sorry man! went to burger king, had my kind of lunch. haha. onion rings and coke. righhttt okayyy hahahaha.

did his shopping at NTUC -.- haha. shampoooooooooooooo.
what the hell?

after that, we made our way back to CJC, caught a bus from there, to ANOTHER bus stop and took a bus from there to his house. or something like that. haha. he could have just taken 157 to the second busstop and then take the third bus from there home. or whatever. kinda lost count. HAHA. but i needed to pee, so like, after th second bus went to saint mary's (right opposite luh.) and yupp. heh.

so yeah. went to his house. played my MP3 on his comp, HE STOLE MY SONGS, and yupp. just slacked around. i was frigging tired though. so i went to sleep. i think he slept too? haha. his bed in double deckerrrr. haha. well kind of. the one with the space thing underneath. okayyyy? haha. and his house is SUPER nice! the swimming pool is like, woahhh. ahah. and he's in love with his window -.- the starhub ad thingy is pasted there. ahaha

yesyes. i skipped training -.- no point lah right? i cant frigging bowl lorr.

after that, went back. actually, we were in the bus when he realised he left his PDA back at the house. haha. so we walked back, actually, he left me half way to walk to the other busstop while he kinda jogged back. i walk super slow lah. and i was tired. haha.

went back to CJC, and i tell you, i nearly took the wrong bus. whoops. :X hahahah. took 105 to TP, and got my SWEETS and drink at 7-11. dinner please, haha. went to church saw phoenix there. and went toilet. HAHA. she went up first. saw sebastian at the stairs. i recognised his shirt from behind, but forgot he had a haircut. hahaha. he loves that frigging shirt lah -.-

went for mass with joy and seb. yupps. mass was somewhat... calming to my nerves. overreacted to what happened that day): ah man. im such a slut okok. back to it. xav gave me a peace hug! :D needed one anyway.

dinner was fun. haha i was highhh. haha. and they're all so nice lorr! especially joy. she wanted to eat at Lorong 8, but i had to leave early. cause of class. then she say nevermind, go eat opposite church. oh mans!

thanks you guys!

haha. basically it was just me, xavier, joy, seb, greg and 3 other people i cant remember and i dont know the names. haha. whoops. dinner was fun lah, i talked more. haha. was happier. oh and we talked about xav;s MALE stalker -.- dont splash water lah, pull the leg hair. haha. oh and, he was just checking whether you're a boy or girl lah *does hand wavy thingy (borrowed this from YULICA :D* ah guaaaaa. hahah kidding :D

went for class after that.
THANKS MARTIN FOR CHEERING ME UP! :D you never fail to make me laugh. haha. it wasnt much of a class anyway, just went thru the solos, intros, and easier version of tequila sunrise, which i actually know how to play alr, but shh. haha. i learned scotts version. so easy to learn from watching. now just need to play the complicated strumming -.- when my hand heals. pain, i tell you.

at night was a busy night for me. i bought home cup noodles, cause maryanne insisted (dropped by her place.) and ate while on the phone with kenneth, jesslyn and shawn. haha. kenneth gao lah. weird unexpected sms from him. asked to conference, so yupp. sure. haha. but i felt so.. old. haha. cause i wasnt that high i was mre "matured" than them. hahaha. and they're sec 3 lah. haha.

after that talked to marc and alexav. finally got to sleep at 2am. tired, i swear.

today. i tell you. CAN DIE LAH. hahaa. got results. here's the final blahhblahh. but my calculations might be wrong.

english 78/100 A1
maths 55/100 C5
science 45.5/100 D7?
geography 69/100 B3 (wa lau. one more mark only luh.)
history 64/100 B4
literature 66/100 B3
chinese 18/100 F9

yes as you can see, i didnt get A1 for lit. so no.. i cant take it next year. unlike annabelle.
kaninacheebye):
i was sad about that too. thanks seb, the 'little girl' part made me smile. but im not little. haha.

after school, went to meet marc awhile. he watched me eat -.- like whatever lah. then from novena went home, bishan. walking home when mitch and court meimei's called me -.- asked me to go plaza sing, so okay. but when i got there, only for like 20mins than we left.

COURTNEY HAS A STRATOCASTER OHMYGOSH I HATE YOU LAH!

haha.ohwells.yupps.

went to maryannes' just now to give 'tuition' to lorraine and christian aww. they're saw cute. haha. their exam is next week. english and science. or is it next next week? oh whatever. haha. GOOD LUCK YOU TOO! smiles. haha. they're P3 lah.

anyways. shout outs.

YULICA: thanks gurl! you're the first person i told, cause you were the person who i thoughtof and the only one who would have understood. and yeah i was right. it's all good yeah? still feel like shit and stuff but ahh. please dont murder him. haha. i'll kill him myself.
ETHELBERT: i'm SO sorry for dumping it all on you just now! i swear, i dont know what came over me. it just.. happened. i guess yeah.. i dont know. but yeah, it all happened so fast and when i started telling you just now everything came out. i just couldnt stop. im sorry yeah? i forgot. cheer up please, okay? i hate seeing you so down!
JUSTIN: aww mans! you're so sweet! no i DO NOT want you to go murder him (yes he deserves it) and dont go question him either. it's just all. over. nothing else can be done already. but really, thanks man. it's just... aww I LOVE YOU KOR! hahaha. get well soon yeah?
WEE SHIANG: hey man. chill okay? i dont know what's their problem. but fuck 'em. they all also never call me out for damn long. and see, im fine. i worried about it for awhile. but yeah. im fine. and dont be sad okay? I NEED MY CRAPPING PARTNER BACK LUH! you cannot be sad okay! cause i just came out from MY depression. I NEED MY CRAPPING PARTNER! i hate seeing you so sad too.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

i seriously dont know whats your problem lah. i mean please, how can you do this? can't you see? what the hell has he done right? i dont know lah. but come on, what the fuck is wrong with you please. you really think it;s that fun uh.. wa lau. he;s your fucking friend lah. ignore me it doesnt make much of a difference, cause i dont give a damn. i dont care. and maybe i DID do something. but what has he done please?

You'll say, we've got nothing in common,No common ground to start from. And we're falling apart. You'll say, the world has come between us,Our lives have come between us. Still I know you just don't care.
breakfast at tiffanys.
deep blue something.

will put on my blog later!:D

PUBLIZING FOR RAYSHIO:
TWENTY EIGHTH NOVEMBER
PARTY AT THE CUBE CLUB
TICKETS AT EIGHTEEN BUCKS (inclusive of a drink)

bahh. that's about all i know. contact me if you wanna know more. i'll find out for ya.
91604931
sarahlmodiel@hotmail.com

2006-10-16T16:02:00.000+08:00

I GOT 69 FOR GEOG ):
one more mark to A2 lorr. thats 50bucks gone lah please!

but.

I GOT 79 FOR ENGLISH :DDDDD
so thats A1, FIFTYBUCKS!
heh heh.

couldnt meet marc today. rahh
alrights gotsta go get ready to go play for my comp later -.-
oh wells.

SEE YA!

iloveyou:D

you'd think i'd learn over these years, good things dont last forever. so what the hell am i supposed to do; you only wanted the things i couldnt, give to you, and you had it all anyway.
my eyes burn.
matchbook romance.

2006-10-15T23:28:00.000+08:00

i didnt actually do much today.
haha.

went to GPP's house.
watched THREE movies luh.

poseidon
eight below
yours, mine, ours.

nice shows! :D
haha. i swear my butt was frozen to the chair.

OH AND GKK MADE ME ADDICTED TO NAZARETH!):
the band luh.

I WANT THE CDs!

tomorrow i HAVE to play lah. wa lauuu.

five bucks closer to my iPod!

ever since the day you left me here alone, i've been trying to find the reason why.
if you come back.
blue.

"dammit.

what's wrong with me?

how can i let myself do this?

oh mans.. why are you doing this to me?

killing me isnt enough?

but you must slowly torture me.

im so sorry."

2006-10-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

hey people! :D
im on the phone with MARC (:
say hi! haha.

anyways. today was an on-off-plan-to-meet-day.
haha. was supposed to meet geo but kept getting cancelled -.- in the end we did lah. but more about that later. so, cath class. WE HAD A TALK ON ROCK MUSIC. i swear,i am NOT giving up rock music lahh. heh heh. i dont have to worry. rock music does noty influence me. anyways, more into indie rock and blues now so yeahs.

after that, me, abigail, louis, jeremy, ryan and amos walked around a bit after class. abigail decided to go back to church cause me and the guys wanted to go to TP central. sorry gaiL! had to go meet my friend anyways. the guys wanted to stalk me -.- righttt. hahah. but i left cause they went to play LAN or ARCADE. wa lau. damn clever lorr. nothing to do cause class finished early, go play games -.- can do that at home right? haha. i'd rather go TOWN lah. haha

so went to meet GEOVENN at novena mrt. heh heh. yes we did meet up. he was late. hahaha. wow. i look different right? haha. he looks way the same. haha. except his hair is shorter. haha. mum called and said we were going out -.- so yupp. waited for them to come pick me up. they were at the WRONG entrance lah helloooooooooo. hahaha. mum invited geo to come along, haha. the YO AUNTY boy. heh heh. oh and junjie my pineapple was there too! ahahaha. shit mans. the pine apple haha.

after ryan FINALLY came home we left.

went to east coast to eat. what the hell lah. JJ's nearby is bloody what the hell. his nearby from 20mins to 15mins to 10 to 5. meaning, every five minutes we ask if we're there yet JJ would be like nearby -.- or up front. rightttt. hahaa. stupid pineapple.

finally got the place. after went to gelare's for dessert. heh heh. yum yum! me and geo shared the waffle. whoops. i didnt know he didnt really want the waffle! so sorry man! heh heh. we had the big one, with raspberry sorbet. yum. i let him chose the ice cream. and we kept pushing food at each other. haha.

dropped JJ home after that, then we brought geovenn to CJ hostel. he's living there now.

bahh. hung up on jeff just now -.- his reaction was SO much more bigger than expected and nigel's was way too small -.- i dont know what i want lah. hahaha. i just dont like advice and i just want acceptance, i guess? but not sarcastic, reluctance acceptance of him. bahh, whatever.

stan's offline and me and marc hung up already): oh wells. promised them i'd message them tomorrow anyways.

i wanna sleep. stupid squash injuries -.- haha. and i got comp on monday too. oh wells. random song for today. lazy to think.

there's so much i cant blog about today.

"man, i know it was only tonight,

and i can only hope and wish for more.

there's nothing i can do;

i wish i could settle for this,

i just cant.

but man, i have to try,

maybe, just maybe, we need time):"

so make the best of this test known as why, it's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
time of your life.
green day.

SHOUT OUTS PEOPLE! :D

NIGEL: yo man! thanks for everything! for all the advice and love and care. it's really been great. and yeah i actually feel bad for dumping everything on you >.<>him are pretty dangerous i guess... and it was only tonight): so yupp. pretty confused over everything but ah wells.

GEOVENN: it was SO great to finally see you today! heh heh. we'll do whatever and whichever (HAHAHAHAHA! right. like you'll remember? heh) after your Os yeah? relax dude. you've got it covered. you'll do fine. have faith. i'll see you after Os. i love you man.

2006-10-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

i can hear my brother singing.
it;s bloody horrible and annoying -.-
oh but aunty cora just asked him to shut up.
muahaha.
ass

actually these last few days i havent been feeling so good. but i prayed and i had an answer, almost, well basically, immediatly. i always complain i feel so shitty but i never take the time to change. i just gotta appreciate what i have, cause it's alot more than what i need. if i'm happy i'll be a better person, i dont have to put everyone else before, cause then if i cant even make myself happy how am i going to make others happy? i am my worst critic, and honestly. what the hell right? i'm not gonna make myself feel so worthless anymore. i dont care if im being egoistic. i NEED my ego to be built up. i wanna feel good about myself again, so please help me yeah?

anyways today in school was some shit day.
IM SERIOUS.
what the hell. do alot of nothing-ness lorr. haha. but audrey was keeping me company! yayy LOVES.

oh damn. im high NOW.
not just now when i was out, but NOW.
better than nothing yeah?
i just hope seb doesnt kill me. he was trying to get me to SMILE just now
-.-

anyways. after school i RUSHED home, wasted 5bucks to go home lah. cab. *mutters* hahaha. grabbed my squash stuff after having a really huge hassle trying to book online (in the end decided going there is easier -.-) and finally leaving. thought i was gonna be late, but nooooooooo. when i reached i saw rovi and mathilda still waiting there. so yeah joined them to wait for gerald. then all of us left.

actually had a good time playing squash alone. it was pretty good stress relief you know like:
"this is for the fucking exams which im gonna fail!" *POW!*
"this is for the freakin' guy i'm crazy over who wont ever notice me" *CRASH!*
against the stupid metal thingy. hahaha.

but it really was fun. should start doing it every week. but ONE MAN squash is really bloody tiring. alright!

FRIDAYS PEOPLE. SQUASH. WANNA WANNA GO? LET ME KNOW! :D
it's cheap lah. 2bucks please! ((:

come on. humour me. i'm in a good mood. haha.

after that, joy and sebastian came. so all, *counts* seven, i mean six! of us went back to TP. where they decided not to go for mass -.- we were late anyway. haha. so we went KFC. i was super stone, i swear. a thousand things running thru my mind): at least im better now. yayy.

GO AND BEAT YOU KUKUMALS'S LAH ASSHOLE.
THE BLOODY RANDOM HOSUYSOS THING! haha

oh shit so that was random and me being high. ooh, i like. haha

after that we went to delifrance, cause xavier and val was there (yes the val i supposedly look like -.-) and oh. gerald doesnt remember that i wear specs. rightttt hahhaha. JOY IS SCARED OF GOING TOILET ALONE. whahaha. she's nice. heh heh. besides the toilet scared thingy, haha. okay im kidding. oh yeah, saw boomy at the library. HELLO! :D

i comtemplated topping up my phone card. i will. soon. haha. mum wants me to pack up my room -.- she'll give me 20bucks if i do. shall use that.

im eating now. hahaha. I FORGOT WHAT FOOD TASTED LIKE. havent eaten since breakfast -.-

alrights. need to rest my sprained hand. and my ligament weared out knee. hahah. better start paying attention to alexavier and mitch. hahha. oh look! al. issac smsed me! hahaha okayokay. gotsta go.! I LOVE YOU ALL! thanks for everything. i'm happy again!

DAMN! lunch better not be off tomorrow ):

I only talk to God, when somebody's about to die.I never cherished freedom, Freedom never cries
freedom never cries.
five for fighting.

THE NEW FIVE FOR FIGHTING CD IS SUPER NICE LUH I SWEAR!
TWO LIGHTS!

2006-10-11T22:10:00.000+08:00

i guess today has been an okay day? except for that fight with my brother lah. damn. his last words to be were "fuck you lah whore! i dont ever ever want to see you!"
i will not disclose the other expletives to anyone. i just feel really bad right now. it's all my fault, everything is my fault.

anyway.
i am totally dead. as in physically, i'm going to die lah. went to meet annabelle at J8 today. i finally got my cheesy hotdog and the encyclopedia of singapore for mum. lugged it home, YES. back home -.- well okay so took the bus. BUT STILL. oh and i bought coke that i couldnt even finish. my parents dont really like me drinking coke. heh heh. so yeahs.

tried (without much success, might i add.) to teach annabelle MORE THAN WORDS again. she's STUBBORN i swear. all the hard stuff must learn NOW, cannot learn the more basic stuff in which you use to get better and improve. -.- another thing is we're both easily distracted especially me so.. we didnt really get anywhere.

after that, we went down to the shop and i was nice. i treated her to hi-chews. which is SO chewy we just gotta chew it. cant eat fast. but i can make chocolate last pretty long. you know hershey's kissables? that can last me a week, or two at most. and im serious. went down to TP, meet the CYF gang who were playing badminton. so i didnt play lah. i cant, seriously. i am frigging talent-less.

belle played, anyway.

after that, met felicia at TP mrt. saw gerald and xavier. hey ho hello! :D lame attempt at being high, shadd up sarah. made our way to J8, YES JUNCTION EIGHT AGAIN, and walked around abit. i bought my cheese pretzels (FINALLY! SINCE JUNE OKAY!) and after buying it, 3 bucks okay!, decided to go back home to get cash -.- felicia wanted a brownie, haha. so we went to basement see what we could get. err NOTHING! she didnt like anything there -.- so just got a chocolate souffle (pronouned: sue-flay) and went to my house. i let her use my comp while i just slacked around -.- bloody tired, i swear. back and forth, back and forth -.-

got the cash, then went to toa payoh. went church to meet the CYF gang again for dinner. i just didnt want to go home. i cant face them. sighs. i really wanted to stay out luh. until 3am. when everyone is asleep. then i can like, scream and no one would know. or care. actually i can do it at 3pm and no one would care. hmm. okayyy. this shall not be a sad post, AGAIN, about me, AGAIN. just not feeling too good. i'll be fine tomorrow.

so me, sam, mathilda, lester, jeremy, sebastian, phoenix, xavier and greg went for dinner and the whatever place phi and greg kept shouting at me. bloody gonna die i swear. god could just have taken me then, and now, and i wouldnt have cared. well, not much i guess? URRGH. I NEED TO BE HAPPY AGAIN ): blahhblahh. shut up sarah.

i was resting, refused to get up. haha. xavier offered to buy food for me, but nahh. thanks dude! oh and thanks sam! for the coke! :D and i didnt get high on coke, lucky for sebastian. bad for me -.- i needed that high-ness./hyper feeeling. phi got it. haha. i was eating freaking slow luh. SORRY GUYS! >.< and xavier thinks im a smoker. cause the straw is the width of a cigarette and my lips open like, to accomodate a cigarette. i'm a second hand smoker dude. mum smokes in mua room all the time.

greg got his noodles in a big pot. *evil grin*

after that walked back to church, and yes greg left. i was supposed to go but decided to hang in saint theresa's. apparently, i look like val. which jeremy says might be a sign cause val is a good singer. dude, I WISH. seriously, i wish i had real actual musical talent ):

oh wells yeah? i'll practise and get real good and bluff my way through. no way i can be a musical prodigy anyway.

decided to leave jeremy to give his tuition and went to the pool place. whooo i got in without getting caught. thank goodness :D haha. since it was kinda full up, we all just sat down and chilled. i was kinda stoning lah. heh. when it was like, almost time for me to do then everyone, well, i guess I started getting more involved.

i dont know. i felt weird among people who know each other for years. i'm just not me with them. okok, i mean that i'm like an outcast so i feel weird. hmm.

oh wells. after that left, and i was gonna be late cause i took my time. didnt really care. righttt. so i just had to take the first bus that came. 88. i almost forgot lah and almost missed my stuff -.- diff bus, so diff stop. went i got off sprinted all the way home. running helps. i need to run more. haha.

SORRY FOR BEING SO ANTI-SOCIALIST):
IN NO MOOD AT ALL.

so yeah, im back home. feeling kinda brain dead at the moment. got piano tomorrow at eleven am, then gotta meet GPP at vivocity at one pm. then around 530 i'm gonna be in church, for mass. i wanna go. in fact, i NEED to go lah. as in, seriously need. i just need to be there, in the house of god. we've got alot to discuss.

by the way, random message, usually the songs that pop up here are random. unless its one i'm obsessed with. then it;s pretty obvious. cause i'll leave a random message below. like this song:

Honesty; is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty; is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you.
honesty.
billy joel.

it's a damn meaningful song, people.
you know what i'm gonna say, ask for it.

the lyrics really mean alot. it's definitely NOT in any relation to me. but. it's just nice.

http://artists.letssingit.com/billy-joel-lyrics-honesty-99617ch

lastly, guys. dont really pay much attention to me when i'm in this type of mood. im SERIOUS. not attention seeking. i'll get thru it all on my own. and i'll be absolutely fine!

"i'm just not me anymore.

seeing others so happy makes me,

satisfied.

but only when i know i put;

that smile on their face.

and when everyone is so sad,

when i realise people feel so bad.

it just makes me cry.

because i'm so selfish.

i'm a selfish worthless bitch.

and honestly,

i'm not worth to be here.

at all."

2006-10-11T10:33:00.000+08:00

came across a skin i know eugene will love.
heh heh.
WONG lah. haha

CLICK HERE

2006-10-11T09:30:00.000+08:00

for a weird random reason i wanna change my blogskin -.-
but this nice already!
haha. okay so i'm bored? heh

it's 9.24am and my stomach ache has been going on since 730am when i was awoken by the pain -.- it's NOT cramps and definitely NOT the stomache pain where you need to shit. i think it's a result of not eating dinner last night. gastric. heh heh. oh wells. MEE SUA is ready !(: (: (: healthy and delicious and SO not fattening! YAYY FOR MEE SUA!(:

byebye :D

and when i close my eyes, you'll be right by my side. if i could have just one request, stay with me girl; i confess, all my only dreams.
all my only dreams.
the wonders.

i swear the song is a CLASSIC.

2006-10-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

dhsfhkslafgksahdlf
my brother is one evil piece of shit man. he knows i wanna install counter strike CONDITION ZERO onto my comp. but he lost the CD. so nevermind, i settle for quake 3. but he brings the bloody thing is the CS condition zero CD case. evil idiot. haha

oh and guess what now the game aint working -.-
stupid.

anyways. today was an okay day? haha. most of the time spent drooling over guitars. (STRATS! stupid sebastian i hate you. haha!) so anyway. went for class around eleven? i kinda overslept >.< color="#3333ff">sebastian came, and he ate. while i watched. haha. i'm like, anti eat-a-rish from the bloody 5dollar cheesecake yesterday. ONE SLICE PEOPLE. one slice. yes, from secret recipes. damn. and the extra calories too. rawr. oh i saw ethelbert and alex. yayy, HELLO!(:
haha. whatever sarah -.-

both of us had no freakin' idea what to do, so we just decided to go drool over guitars and basses, for him. bahh. stupid man. his friend brian has a strat. seb showed me the picture. he's evil, i swear! so we went to peninsula plaza. bloody hell, practically every shop where they're tuning or just testing the guitars, its a STRATOCASTER. whywhywhy. and every time we pass the window or/and when we see a STRATOCASTER sebastian will be like "strat. heh heh heh." he gives that stupid evil laugh and the look which i have dubbed the chee ko peh look. every guy has one. you just have to wait and see it. ohwells. but he was nice enough to agree to go out with me!(:

after literally drooling over the fantastic guitars and the GORGEOUS price tags (1350 for a bloody strat! i saw in one shop dont remember which one.) we went to find where i'd bought my santa fe. ASHLEIGHS! i think? haha. oh and seb's toy figurine shop is gone gone gone. muahaha. THE GUY REMEMBERS ME! yayy. and he asked about mum and dad too. haha. dad still as crazy and mum still as blur *shakes head* haha. he doesnt like santa fe's head, cause it's too sharp. i like, i think its nice-er.

after that decided to go swee lee's.

BLOODY HELL. there got a million billion e296364103463 strats okaY! dammit. i hate you. haha. so we took our time walked around, and sebastian decided to try out some stuff. erm, a bass. haha. the jazz i think? apparently, jazzes are versatile shit. haha. so is the strat. damn. obsession. oh and the jazz martin wants is there too. but he;s broke anyway., haha righttt, martin? broke? i dont think so! oh and i saw the MM1 *mutters* stupid sebastian! i swear, HE'S EVIL! dude, he keeps laughing at me. i am really easy to bully (actually alot of people can vouch for that.) and he's gna get someone to shout "LOOK! STRAT!" when im at the roadside or something. nevermind. me sighing makes him kinda irritated? haha. cause i sound sad -.- right. ~~when am i NOT sad?~~ scratch that yeah?

i tested the (duhh) strat. damndamndamn. SO SUPER GDLWIUWFDY NICE!
iPod sarah. you NEED that dumb piece of shit! hahaha. righttt. and i was enjoying myself you know, getting lost in my world of music whenever i pick up that guitar, i couldnt remember shit from what i learned today; except the blues and rock 'n' roll thing, when i looked up to see sebastian there. he's bloody scary i swear. random white shirt-ed figurine from nowhere.damn. haha

after that we went to see the other places, and though i kinda refused though i was bloody hungry, he made me go eat. i didnt want to!. thats six bucks you know! haha. so we went back to TP, KFC. oh and we saw brian. rawwr. guy who has a strat ): sad man! oh wells. drool all i want i guess. haha. save up twenty bucks a month, should be able to get one in FIVE YEARS. of course, strats are TOTAL classics, like seb said.

went to check out th booking for tomorrow's badminton. i just got an sms from him saying its 2-5. i'll go down at four, to watch. i am NOT playing. seb wants me to play, i told him: make me. he said he will. i'll be surprised. he'll be surprised too. i am a stubborn piece of crap man, i swear. haha. ooh im using alot of 'i swear's later. hmm. should really stop that.

went to church, saint francis. saw phoenix, gerald, diana, stella, jeremy, xavier (or is it javier) and some other people i cant remember their names. alright so face it, im lazy. in church i kept going toilet cause my bloody headache was pretty bad. had to keep washing my face, and go toilet bang the doors and scream. okay kidding, but not about the screaming part lah. darn, hate that stupid heriditary thingy thing.

basically went for mass with sebastian and phoenix. haha. phoenix says she stinks. haha. EHHEM. right. haha. hmm... reflected alot actually. damn. i really dont want daddy to go. i really want and need him too! sighs.. okay, i guess? went back to saint francis to mess around abit. (ohoh xavier doesnt recognise me -.- prob cause im grounded and didnt go for awhile) haha. phoenix is DAMN random and DAMN funny. the stupid bag thing. and and, seb's comp scream, i mean screen haha, was kinda screwed. and phoenix was like, ehh. tap the screen does it help? and she really did tap it. OHMYGOSHNESS LAH. she's damn funny. heh heh. YEAHS!

after that me and her left. saw xavier on the way. managed to beg him to walk with us. IT WAS FUN. we kept making jokes and laughing. phoenix was being all serious and smart, saying you know "whats done is done." and "must be strong" and stuff. xavier was impressed, but i thought he just sounded sarcastic. haha. oh and i said "i just say i'll be strong, and lie to myself." hahah. i mean, duh. its what i do. doesnt work lah.

so yeah. went to J8, got my stuff (six buck! gone gone!) and i saw maryanne and her boyfriend. err, lucas? haha. i forgots already. haha. i didnt disturb them lah. just waved hello and left. bloody playgirl. haha. so walked home alone, again. i swear i just hate walking home alone): haha. and today, walking didnt clear my thoughts. it fact, it made me think more, goddammit. alright, forget i said that. WIPE IT AWAY.

so.. bowling with the gang tomorrow. well, im not bowling. really no mood. maybe i wont even go, cause i gotta be in TP at four -.- or maybe i wont go for the badminton thing. aiya. i dont know lah. stay home, sleep ~~and cry~~ also can.

oh and I SWEAR, felicia QH is freaking scary. when she wants a song, and she wants you to download it, simple thing, she'll bug you and bug you and bug you. and NUDGE too. i hate nudges. haha. i'm NEVER gonna d/l stuff for her again. haha. its SO annoying lah. ahaha but oh well! haha. she's nice. haha.

sebastian is slow. he doesnt know he walks super fast when i was behing him most of the time. WHOOPS!(:

thanks for following me out man, had a good time. some time soon again yeah? i'll bug you to go out when im bored. heh heh. LOVES!(:

ooh long post! :D im bored anyway.

now i cant go on without you, i'm naked, i cant fake it. i'm not that strong without you, never thought i could love you, the way i do.
the way i do.
marcos hernandez.

2006-10-09T23:35:00.001+08:00

heh heh. my brother is naughtayyee. he used my computahh.
i caught him with the evidence(:

evil sis.
but i didnt tell on him!

2006-10-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

finally.
ive been trying for AGES to get this window up.
sighs. gonna be a boring next three days for me ):

GAH!
why cant everyone finish exams EARLAYE too! hahaha
oh wells.

ohoh. JUN JIE IS A PINEAPPLE!
haha. i swear, his bloody hair style is so esplanade-ish. haha. what the hell right? and he's evil too. i think i dislocated his arm? haha. i wish. me and him were bitching about the fucking arrogant guy. i mean like, PLEASE whatever luh. haha. stupid guai kia(:

so anyway, uncle razak came so i didnt have to play *phew* im in no shape anyway. bahhs. sinful today. ate alot! ): must skip meals tmr.

BOTACK BOY CAME TODAY!(: haha. clovis my dear. hahaa. he's SO cute. when he shits he makes this funny face like =O hahaha. even when crying, out of nowher he'll make the =O face. haha. righttt okays.

i ate my cheese cake finish already): sad.

thanks seb for following me out tomorrow! :D yayy! all i need is wed and thurs -.-

class tomorrow! cant wait to see what we're learning(: (: oh no. i need to bring bag-.-

we come to take over, emcee you better look over your shoulder. yeah you know, we on and on. nobody, nobody gets out alive.
nobody.
skindred.

2006-10-09T18:57:00.000+08:00

i swear this song is bloody nice!

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end

Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty-eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken

And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt

I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright and I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses

I lie, wrote my injuries all in the dust
In my heart it's the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses

white houses by vanessa carlton

hahahahaha. if you read, its about her girl losing her virginity. RIGHT! hahah, shit man. haha. oh well. ITS NICE. hahaha. you can ask for it if you want (:

2006-10-09T17:38:00.000+08:00

RUTH IS NOW MY DEAR CHEESECAKE! :D :D :D
heh heh.
AND I AM HER DARLING APPLE CRUMBLE!
say yayy. hahha. okay so im high. SUGAR high. ice cream and coke, baby yum!

so anyway just got back from meeting ethelbert, he feels bad that he had to leave at 5pm -.- rightt. its okay man! thanks for going out with mee!(: another day yeah? LOVES! at least you waited for the bus with me :D

we saw stella and JAQUE my darling!(: she fed me fries so i just HAD to give her my ice cream and coke -.- rightt haha. oh and we saw addison, alex and jeanette(: yuppsyupps.

yesyes. i bought my CHEESECAKE! haha. its waiting for me downstairs. haha. i take 2 hours to eat one slice anyway.. i'll eat it later when i get back. i only have cheesecake twice a year luh. come to think of it the last time i has it was LAST year actually. whoops told ethelbert wrongly. haha. FIVE BUCKS LUH! wa lauuu. money stealer rah. haha. shit man. need to STARVE myself): oh wells yeah? im gna be working in the holidays [most likely, hopefully, PLEASE!):] for mum anyway.. CATHAY here i come! haha i go there and photocopy paper. -.- haha. no lah, enter some infomation shit. haha. too bad faith jie is gone): but oh wells. EVERYONBE ELSE IS THERE!((:

i saw kenneth in the bus(: he's gonna visit his cousin somewhere in sin min? yeah i think so.. haha. miss my coke-a-holics baaaaad): rarrh. we need to play coke bottle soccer again ((x

yayy i love my mood today!

love ya!

so tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect. no, i won't regret to let love do what love will let.
show you love.
jars of clay.

ps:no idea why im in such a colorful mood xD

2006-10-09T15:21:00.000+08:00

post number 350.
haha, okay random.

PS(there's an angsty post before this on drafts. if you wanna see than ask me. but i expect NO REACTION AT ALL from you. no matter what it says. but i might not even show you. i chose to show nigel. and maybe, he's the only one who'll see it.)

hmms, so i'm in a particularly good mood today.
well not good, BETTER mood. which is good cause then i dont have to pretend for ethelbert and mum later. speaking of going out, i should really get ready. but im lazy. so he might have to wait. whoops. hahaha. and i wanna take the bus instead of walk, so he might have to wait even longer. right okay..

im on standby tonight.. damn. really hope i dont have to play. sheesh. haha. i just wanna go there and sleep. i havent bowled for pre-tty a long while anyway. oh darn i still have to pack my stuff. rarrh. my lazy ass wont move. haha.

hmms. i'm craving for cheese cake and KFC fried chicken.
yum.

well not both together!

anyways, there was no tiramisu on sat so i didnt manage to satisfy my alcohol wants. haha. dad didnt let me have beer and there was no vodka anyway. rawr.

oh a weirdly makin'-me-hyper mood, ryan aint back yet. so he's gna get scolding. ITS MONDAYYYY! he's grounded till next march anyway. HAH! think dad doesnt wanna ground him any further cause april's his birthday.

oh yeah. chinese was relaxing. yes, relaxing. you got me right. i got 40 mins of sleep. *grins* so funn. i did everything okay! except for one compre question cause it had the bolded words thingy. so i think they asked for the meaning -.- so yeah what was i supposed to write? banana? apple? actually i dont know how to write that in chinese. HAH!

darn, ryan's home.

okay ethelbert just sms-ed me, reminding me to be there. haha. alrights gotsta go all! pray that this happy mood lasts for me! love ya!

REGINA AND EUGENE TAY; hope you guys sort it out. it's just too good to let go of yeah? :D

"hmm. nigel you're right.

i need to take a break.

forget everything.

but i cant leave this,

not now."

love; or something ignites in my veins. and i hope it never fades.

white houses.

vanessa carlton.

obsessed with that song!

oh yeahs. i'm in a mood to catch up with old friends(:

call me ya'all!

2006-10-08T15:17:00.000+08:00

sighs.
my mood has definitely not improved. there's this bloody asshole who's 20 years old and has fetishes for IJ girls. cause they "expose them selves" right okay. so he thinks we're sluts. here's the conversation:

Sarah]]inferiority; .well you killed it anyway says:
why do you like girls in pinafores?

Sarah]]inferiority; .well you killed it anyway says:
arent we all too young for you.

urbanrush@coldmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
hmm.. they look hot lei

urbanrush@coldmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
coz few times i saw those gals exposing themselves

urbanrush@coldmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
wear so short

Sarah]]inferiority; .well you killed it anyway says:
oh so you like them cause they do that huh? they turn you on huh?

urbanrush@coldmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
kind of ah

Sarah]]inferiority; .well you killed it anyway says:
word of advice: IJ girls arent so slutty to be hanging around with you. you're way too old. go find someone YOUR OWN AGE. and please dude, GET A LIFE.

yupp thats it. some of it lah. apparently he has a girlfriend from saint theresa's convent who is 17. fine. but he says IJ girls turn him on, and he wants to see if they're open minded -.- RIGHT OKAY. i swear i was bloody pissed off with that. i'm fine about his girlfriend, in fact, i'm fine about dating older guys too (just not above 20 cause guys my age SUCK.) but he's a frigging asshole. like PUH-LEASE LAH. just cause his gf lets him screw him all the time doesnt mean all of us are like that. at the end he said he's not gonna mess with me anymore. i dont know if i put him in his place... but i tried.

anyways.
ive spent the day watching movies. haha. so funnn. without feeling guilty too. but my mood is still shitty-fied. but i need to say, thanks nigel(: for being there last night. honestly it didnt exactly help but thanks anyway. i was still crying my heart out thou.. :/

rahh anyway. i wanna eat my dads nuts. so yeahs.

OH SHIT I JUST REALISED HOW WRONG THAT SOUNDS. HAHAHAA. no lah.. my dad bought a packet of nuts. so im gonna go eat some. shit man, stop thinking sick sarah stopstopstop. hahah. damn. i needed that laugh!(:

alrights, off to eat some nuts.
SEE YA!

Well there’s nothing I can do, I only wanna be with you. You can call me a fool, I only wanna be with you.
only wanna be with you.
hootie and the blowfish.

ps:new songs by the way!(:

2006-10-08T01:48:00.000+08:00

When The Children Cry by Whitelion

Little child
Dry your crying eyes
How can I explain
The fear you feel inside
´cause you were born
Into this evil world
Where man is killing man
and no one knows just why

What have we become
Just look what we have done
All that we destroyed
You must build again

When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins

Little child
You must show the way
To a better day
For all the young
´cause you were born
For the world to see
That we all can live
with love and peace

No more presidents
And all the wars will end
One united world under God

When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins

What have we become
Just look what we have done
All that we destroyed
You must build again

No more presidents
And all the wars will end
One united world under God

When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children fight
Let them know it ain´t right

When the children pray
Let them know the way
´cause when the children sing
Then the new world begins..

i swear this song made me cry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkO9mBch18U

it's damn nice, i swear. the guitar part is great too.
MUST LEARN.
anyone who wants it, just ask and its yours.
or any other song too.

2006-10-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

i'm freaking obsessed with hootie and the blowfish i swear.
i know i like them. i just didnt seriously listen.
until now.
until scott, godpa dyan and nick played 'em.
shit.
this is EXACTLY the type of songs i like.
will put them here later.

anyways.
me and ryan were late for cat class cause.. we went to buy our saltbaked chicken. haha. and she gave us the wrong thing. so we were UBER late. heh. and he was scared he kena scolding so he just went to hang in the library.

ethelbert was at class. surprise surprise. i'm meeting him on monday anyway! :D
heh heh.

after class me ryan and uhh.. ryan. hahah okok i'll just refer to my brother;ryan as MY BRO. haha. yeahs so the 3 of us went to city hall mrt.. hung around abit cause we were EARLY anyways. den they fightandfightandfight-.- righttt. and this malay couple were arguing in front of us too. the guy would stand up and the girl would pull him back to scold him somemore. then the girl stand up and they guy pulled her back with this look of distress on his face. hella entertaining. hahaha. i feel evil now, but well. WISH THEM THE BEST!(:

oh and my bro scratched ryan so now he's bleeding and he cant talk or eat cause its hurts.
HAHA.
oh wells. hope you're alright dude.

after about 25mins of aimless waiting we all went to kembangan. ryan went to disturb whoever and whatever while me and my bro waited for dad. he came and got us and brought us to uncle rams house. heh heh.

well, for me the partaye was just full of jamming and irritating people. HAHA. now i have a new trademark; everytime mum wants my coke (which is, OFTEN!) i'll go: SHOO!
heh heh. too bad mommy coke is MINEMINEMINE! hahaha. i didnt eat that much cause i was bloody full lah -.- haha.
i played ALOT of guitar today. well, okay lah. haha. so much so that i didnt get to exchange MP3s with justin, like we always do. hmm. anyway gotsta go update it anyway. RAH. i seriously need an IPOD. i have like 3.23GB of songs i WANT! hahaha. yes i arranged it today -.- nothing better to do.

oh and kim made me her chair. she and mum squashed my legs.

nick, scott and my godpa were all jamming. so really.. i felt damn inferior. they made me play at least one WHOLE song, so i played wherever you will go. i just couldnt remember what else i can play. haha. OH and scott taught me the intro to blind. YAYYS! loves much scott!(:
nick taught me PLUSH! but halfway he and scott started playing let her cry soooooo. yeahs. HAHA. oh wells. i watched them so if i remember in the morning, i can play it. haaha. pretty easy luh. dont have to tune it down anyway.

I SERIOUSLY FELT DAMN INFERIOR COMPARED TO THEM.
i was like, oh shit why cant i be like them): so sad. SO they've been playing for years IDONTCARE. i wanna be a guitar prodigy. rah. why cant i be a natural?

oh wells. pen up another failure for the failure.

but at least the jamming was good. it was fun. we spent like the whole time together. today is the first time i really got into it, and i should practise more. and bring my files. i need to become TALENTED! rightt okay.

oh and the partayee ended early cause everyone had to go -.- so all the old people were left. hahah. damn funny. OH AND TRISH IS DAMNDAMNDAMN CUTE!
everyone was singing a song.. and she was rocking from side to side, and she was wearing a hat. so when they got to the:HELLO DEAR part, she lifted up the cap(: (: (:
OH MANS SOOOOOO CUTE!

haha. and jarrod too. when carol told him to call ryan out if he wanted to drink coke, he went screaming around the house saying: KOR KOR RYAN!! DO YOU WANT COKE? IT'S READY! KORKOR RYAN IT'S COKE TIME!!!!!!!
hahah. oh mans. i love 'em to pieces. they make me smile, at least.

on the way back, the cab driver got lost.
stupid ksudlfgtsafsgdfigsad.

sooo yeahs. now i'm back at home feeling rather bad. i just realised alexavier is going through a rough time and i've been dumping MY shit at him. he told me not to put anything here, well, not ,much lah, but i dont care.
ALEXAVIER BRANDON TAN YUE SHENG I LOVE YOU! STOP SAYING ****************************** CAUSE IT AINT TRUE!
so anyways.. yeah. dont worry about it kay? im fine.

sighs. in really big contrast to what i just said... i just feel wasted. emotionally and totally drained. i feel like everything has all been sucked out of me, and well. like there's nothing else to live for anymore. sighs. i dont know if i can do this anymore. i'm "secretly" depressed i guess.. sighs. i need to SMILE more, people will feel down if i dont. cant let it happen.

but i'm really really wasted and drained out.

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain. Let her sing, if it eases all her pain. Let her go, let her walk right out on me. And if the sun comes up tomorrow; Let her be.
Let Her Cry
Hootie and the Blowfish.

2006-10-06T23:05:00.000+08:00

ESTHER
I LOVE YOU!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
number one to notice i was sad/depressed/isolated/lonesome.
whatever. haha.
but yeahs.
ESTHER I LOVE YOU!
thanks so much!(:

EUGENE TAY!
thanks for IMMEDIATLY checking on me, straightaway when you signed in.
dammit man, how do you do it?
regina is a lucky girl dude.
you;re a great guy! one of a kind!
:Dloves!

anyways.
im bloody tired now. but im gna play game for awhile.. lazy to arrange my songs for the day. but as you can see, got more pick on songs for now!(: its on the side, my profile.

once again,
thank you eugene tay and esther khoo.
you guys are the best.(:

hmm.
was kinda irritated with jeff just now>.<
now i feel bad. oh wells. not gna apologise for this, cause he kept laughing at me. as in seriously everything. i dont mind doing his stuff for him, but i'm NOT going to take his torment. or ANYONES for that matter. i just dont say anything (hinthint)
OH BUT SORRY ABOUT THE PROFILE THING! >.<

i would NEVER put this here in public before, until now. thanks bran for giving me th courage. but i cant bring myself to put the WHOLE thing, they mean alot to me. cause i genuinely care. but they dont. anyway:

brandon: they dont know shit about my life. they dont care about what's going on with me. they cant say that i dont tell them anything, even if i did they wouldnt care. if i did, they'd ask me to shut up and go on with their own stories. they say i dont make it interesting, and it doesnt mean anything. but it means alot to me. they dont ask, so i dont tell.
i genuinely care. they cannot claim the right to say they do. as a bestfriend, because if they did, they'd know im depressed right?

yesyes.
i still am):
sighs. oh well. at least im not feeling like dying again
sad and depressed.
just not too far to they extent.

if i were you, holding the world right in my hands. the first thing i'd do is thank the stars for all i have.
if i were you.
hoobastank

2006-10-06T16:08:00.000+08:00

okay so.
let me tell you about yesterday.
heh heh

LITERATURE.
shit mans.
i did bad bad bad):
i cant get A1 for sure.
SHIT.
idontcarei'llgoseemrsmathewsifihaveto
sorry about that. was lazy to press the spaceboard

hehheh i hear ryan getting scolding for playing guitar. apparent he woke mum up from her sleep( she has a migraine):) and daddy scolded him for not studying too. heh heh. evilevil!

anyway,
after school i went home to get ready then i went to meet edwiN(:
louis didnt come -.- ohwells? hahaha. we, i mean I, ate at LJs. then we saw esther and june and macs. hahaah.so i watched over their stuff and when they came back up, we KIND OF tried to study. hahaha. i think we talked too much. haha
june and esther are so cute(:

after that we went home. haha.
okay;interval.

JEFFREY TEO; please i beg you. cheer up okay? is she really the type of girl you want?
NIGEL ANG; hey dude. you know you can call me anytime right? yeah. really.. think about it. i might not understand, but really. do you wanna hurt like this forever?
MARISSA QUEK; gurl. JIA YOU! only a few more(: you can do it yeahs? CHIN UP BABE! face adversity and kill 'em. kill 'em all!
DAVID CHUA; DUDE! CONGRATS ON YOUR MARKS! wowwowwow. haha. 2nd in cohort huh? TWELVE POINTS! or was it 13? you did it dude. I TOLD YOU SO!
EDWIN LOW; THANK YOU SOSOSO MUCH FOR FOLLOWING ME OUT YESTERDAY! hahaha. sorry about us making so much noise, think we were distracting you >.<
NICHOLAS GAN; hey man. chin up okay? WHERE HAS THE FAMOUS NICK-EGO GONE HUH! dont let 'em put you down. you know you're the best. dont let this get you so bad.

and to all my friends doing exams, Olevels and Alevels. GOOD LUCK!(:
and to everyone else too.
LOVE YOU ALL!

heh heh. okay THAT taken care of, i just want you all to know im here for you all kayy? i like being there for people.. makes me feel.. needed.
so anyway.

today.
annabelle came over after science exam (which went BAD cause it was so hard) and i tried to teach her guitar. hahah. err no comment? hahah. well she just needs practise(: taught he more than words and collide with not much success.... HAHAAH. but she'll get it with PRACTISE. oh and i need to tune her guitar for her -.-
damn.

we had lunch. and played around a bit. OHOH WATCHED THIS STUPIDLY FUNNY SHOW CALLED THE ENGAGEMENT RIGHT! i swear, its hella good laughs. hahaa i just couldnt stop laughing. its bloody whatthefuck. ahahaha.

after that i walked her to the NTUC and i saw DADDY!((: heh heh. so he gave belle directions to j8 and i went to buy my sweeets :D daddy didnt pay for me. EVIL. oh and i took the CAR back. hahahahahaha. i was just extra lazy then. (oh yes. belle's crazy over my shirt which says BELLE -.-) oh and we saw mummy. hahah.

RON!
we've been messaging for the last three days.
I LOVE MY SWEETEST KOR!!

listening to this EXTREMELY nice song called Babylon by David Gray. love it much. ahahah. i feeel like recommending to eugene wong. weird feeling that he'll like it. heh heh. i'll send it to him later, if i remember.

my body and mind is telling me to go SLEEP. but im defying them. hahah. i wanna d/l more songs): yes today is MASS d/ling. hahhaha. researching on jazz (thanks ron!(:) and blues. heh heh. KEN YOU BETTER APPRECIATE IT! actually was going to lah. just a matter of time. hahah
ohwells. i'll finish up my chicken pie and go off to sleep. byebye all!((:

oh and i need to neaten up my iTunes list again -.-
the iloveit one.
it has some weird songs and repeats and and. songs that i added cause the intro is nice -.-
gasps. 3.81 GB already. ahh crap.

If you want it, come and get it. For Crying out loud, The love that I was giving you was never in doubt. Let go your heart; let go your head, and feel it now.
babylon
david gray.

2006-10-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

Name 25 people at the top of your head. [no order].

1.jeffrey teo
2.nigel ang
3.alexavier tan
4.alexander wee
5.yulica foo
6.nigel wong
7.luke whatever
8.eugene tay
9.joanne lyn
10.esther khoo
11.edwin low
12.mandy ng
13.audrey low
14.vivian wong
15.brandon teo
16.shawn wee
17.courtney idunnowhat(:
18.louis chia
19.ruth lee
20.ethelbert something
21.marissa something else
22.ayleen teo
23.june toh
24.gabriel
25.wee shiang

Now for the questions:

what is an inside joke with #7?
(luke)OOH! he's my affairerrer and my padawan(:

what about #22?
(ayleen)hmm.. her thing thing? HAHA! :D

would you go out with #12?
(mandy)as long as she doesnt bully and ignore me so much.

whats one word that describes #5
(yulica) RETARD!

#4 look good with #25?
(4.alexander 25. wee shiang) they;re BOTH guys-.-

would u go out with #19?
(ruth) she's DEF fun to go out with!

when is #11's birthday?
(edwin)i dont know!hahh.but i BET he doesnt know mine too!

would you make out with #11?
(edwin)gimme a stratocaster and i wont. HAHA

.are #3 and #18 BEST friends?
(3. alexavier 18. louis)ehhs. NO. they dont even KNOW each other. but they'll like each other(:

have you ever liked #21?
(marissa) I LOVE HER!

have you ever liked #13?
(audrey) we're MARRIED.

have you ever liked #6?
(nigel wong) hahaha. definitely. he;s a one of a kind guy. supahh retaRDS~

can you tell #17 anything?
(courtney) OF COURSE MEI!((:

how much do you love #4?
(alexander)more than you'll; EVER know.

how do you know #20?
(ethelbert) i knew him from cath class. but better from church camp(: he ROCKS!

would you make out with #9?
(joanne) hahaha. err no? hahahaha. shit NOT convincing!

how'd you meet #18?
(louis) ahh church. haha

what word comes to your mind when you hear #23's name?
(june) ah mah! heh heh

have you ever had a crush on #16?
(shawn) he;s WAY hot((:

what about #2?
(nigel ang)nahhh. ahahah

do you think #10 is hot?
(esther khoo) she's CUTE!

whats one word that describes #15?
(brandon) confused. HAHAHA. he;ll know what i mean

what do you think #9 will be when he/she grows up?
(joanne) well, she WANTS to be a lawyer. but weirdly i think she;ll be a social worker.

give me one random fact about #16.
(shawn wee) his sister is michelle, who's doms' cousin and they're also cousins with brandon. HAHA. im serious.! kenneth is the odd one out: doms bestfriend.

and #8.
(eugene) his girlfriend is reallyreallynice!(:

and what about #1?
(jeff) he's depressed again ): onetwothree and all together now... AWWW!

and #11?
(edwin) he's a very weird stoner! haha!

what song does #14 relate to?
(vivian) yi shi de mei hao by angela zhang. please dont ask why.

what movie could #24 be in?
(gabriel)ermm.. well. he can just be the sound effects techie(:

what famous person does/should #7 meet?
(luke) err. my brain is telling me sean connery -.-

what do you think of #10?
(esther) she's SO cute and SO nice!((:

would you make out with #1?
(jeff) righttt. he wishes :D
HAHAHA!

what about #17?
(courtney)hahah YEAHS! hahahah right kidding

an inside joke with #11?
(edwin) heh heh. POKE HOLES WITH OUR STICKS! *weird freakish smie* xDD

ever liked #8?
(eugene) err NO!

could you live without #20?
(ethelbert) nahh. he helped me through alot of stuff!(:

would #13 make a good couple with #16?
(13. audrey 16. shawn) excuse me NO! hahahah.

what about #23 and #5?
(23. june 5. yulica) heh. YES!(:

whats a random fact about #6?
(nigel wong) hahahah. errr.. he's underweight. HAHAHA

what about #21
(marissa) she's doing her PSLE.

and...#18?
(louis) he has a frickin ibanez and stratocaster!ass!

how'dyou meet #22?
(ayleen) BOWLING MATE!((:

have you ever gone out with #9?
(joanne) alot! hahah.

what about #4?
(alexander) a couple of times, yes.

ever had a crush on #5?
(yulica) right.

or #25?
(wee shiang) AWW! he's SO cute! especially when he's high. heh heh.

has #3 ever liked you?
(alexavier) err... heh heh. yes? i dont know really!

what about #19?
(ruth) she's my LES partner!

one word about #1
(jeff) he's MAD, i swear.

do you know anyone who likes #24?
(gab) yes.. hahaha

is #3 your friend?
(alexavier) uhhh. DUHH!

where do you see #21 in 20 years?
(marissa) as what she wants to be: animal doc!

what about #22?
(ayleen) hmmm... i dont know. hahah.

would you make out with #2?
(nigel ang) err please no!

have you ever made out with #14?
(vivian) yes. HEH HEH

what # can you most see yourself with?
NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX!(:

what # should #11 go out with next?
ME!(:

okay so i was bored.
IM SORRY! hahaha

2006-10-05T12:11:00.000+08:00

okay.
so i deleted most of my stupid scream-on-my-blog shit.
no, its not on drafts.
who cares anyway.
yesyes.
my mood is still pretty bad, but i have to cheer up.
SATurday is coming and i have that huge party to prepare for.
on the plus side....

okay shh.
i am NOT selfish.
haha. righttt.
we're not performing anyway. SO IM SAVED FROM A LIFETIME OF HUMILIATION.
phew.
thankyou. haha

technically i should be getting ready,
but i came to say,
ARHHHGHHH I AM SO DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont think i can get A1 for lit (I have to if i wanna do lit next year.)
wa lau.
then thats only SIX subjects lah.
INCLUDING chinese.
so i DEF cant get into JC please!
but i seriously wannawannawanna get into JC.

I WANT TO DO PURE LIT AND GEOG AND SS/HISTORY.
i dont care.
i'm going to see mrs mathews again
i'll explain my eh hem predicament.
WISH ME LUCK PEOPLE!

haha.
i just realised i havent been listening to much blues,
so i'm going to.
HAHA.
i have to so called research blues for kenneth anyway -.-
stupid gao. hahahah. (he's kenneth gao luh.)
oh wells.
YAYY NEW MUSIC TO LOVE AND WORSHIP(:
so funn.

off to get ready to meed edwin and louis :D
byebye!

Will you stand by me, Hold on and never let me go. Will you stand by me, With you I know I belong; When the story gets told.
stand by me
shayne ward

2006-10-02T13:05:00.000+08:00

sighs.
i'm losing it, i swear.
my head is pounding like my own personal techno machine and everything is all blur. well. the blur part is on and off. yada yada. whatever.

whoever crosses my path next, i swear i'll just scream at him or her. the person will just die i dont care. well, i do. i mean, i will. at the moment i juat wanna run out, scream the first person who even looks at me. and just runaway. preferably in the rain.

already from the moment i woke up, i knew my day wasnt gna go well. i apparently fell asleep with my phone earphones in my ear WITHOUT the charger. so the battery is kinda dead. my geog TB was on top of me, and mum scolded me cause the lights and wireless and stuff were still on. oh and so was my amp. damn.

i wanted to bring my hp but i left it to charge and just went with my MP3. went to school. yadayada. at least then i was in a better mood. had geog exam then went straight home. i watched hidalgo. its nice, at least thats the good part of the day. oh and i need another solitary bus ride. i was on the double decker top floor 56 alone for the whole ride. it gives me time to think about a lot of stuff at least, and singing. imagine, hearing someone sing a super nice romantic song in my screechy voice. ouch:

"just one last dance,before we say goodbye.

when we swayed and turned,

around, around, around, it's like the first time.

just one more chance,hold me tight and keep me warm.

cause the night is getting cold,

and i, dont know where i belong. just one last dance."

it'll be pretty scary doncha think. right okay. but the thinking alone in the bus was what got me in this mood anyway. i think too much. damn sarah. shut up. shut your brain out. sighs.

i was messaging gary just now, it was all i could do to not snap at him. and well, i just did. he hasnt replied yet. i dont know. i guess i feel bad. well technically, i dont. not yet. i dont want to apologise. heck, i dont even care. sighs. i hate being in this mood.

a weird what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-you-why-cant-you-be-a-better-person kinda mood. except you know, with more vulgarities and just more harsh. i guess my weekend wasnt good. i mean duh, i dont blog about all the horrible stuff you know. sighs. it just was no.... good experience for me i guess. my self confidence is low enough already, and seeing, hearing people and friends i;ve known since i was born just break down and cry right in front of you, when you think that they never ever let anything get to them, and you cant do anything for them. you just feel bad. for me, i guess it feels worse.

"i promise you that what you see is just for show."

i've got alot of stuff going on in my mind right now, so later, when you see a post cursing me and me alone, dont worry about it. i'll be fine. it'll pass and i'll probably delete the post. but yada yada, whatever. its just norman teenage angst? excuse me, no. i just wish people would be ME for a day and understand. but thats probably not too good an idea. sighs. okay maybe i should stop sighing. anyway, i gotto go get ready to meet louis. better paste a good smile and my head and pop some pain killers in, if i can find them, i dont want him to see me like this. hell, i dont want ANYONE to see me like this.

i'll be lucky if he doesnt pang seh me, hell. i'll be glad just to make it through today alive.

"i hate seeing people i love so sad, and i cant do anything about it.

it's just too damn bad i dont love myself."

But you see it's not me.... In your head , in your head they are fighting. With their tanks , and their bombs, And their bombs and their guns. In your head , in your head they are crying

zombie

the cranberries

2006-10-01T20:10:00.000+08:00

MANMANMAN.
i feel sooooo bad, okok. apologies first.

DAVID KOR:
i am SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO sorry for snapping at you last night! honestly, your weird science tips from nowhere are pretty cool, i mean it, but i just wasnt in a good mood yesterday, and i seriously snapped): im so sorry kor! <3

ALEXAVIER: dude! i am sososososososo sorry i kept rejecting your calls last night, you see. i just knew that i would definitely snap. i wasnt in any mood to talk, and i didnt want you pissed at me as well, im so sorry! i love you!

SHAWN: ahhhhh! SHIT MAN! i owe you BIG! i know you called just to catch up.. but i just snapped. i cant bring myself to tell you what i said before i hung up on you, well. i guess i owe the truth to you, i said: what the fuck. you think i care? then i hung up): I AM SO SORRY KOR! i swear i didnt mean it! i swear!

JEFFREY: i am so soso so sorry for not being really.. there for you last night on the phone. you were going on about this and that and i just continued being anti social): damn it man, i suck. im sorry!!!

rahhhhhh. okay guys i am SO sorry! so anyway. went for mass today,not the youth one -.- mum and dad didnt let me go. righttt. hahah. during mass i talked to my dad. a real heart to heart): now i can really see that he wants to do that job. it means alot to him, he really wants it. damn. daddy, i'm a selfish girl. i cant help but not want you to do it. i just almost broke down and cried at that moment. but i cant let you see me cry, i dont want you to feel bad enough as it is):
i love you daddy.

after mass, i had a craving for hokkien mee, so we went beach road. heh heh. my lime juice ice whatever thingy is still downstairs. though now it;s just juice. hahaha. nigel cancelled my plans for tomorrow rah -.- hahah. nevermind. im gna go out and study! :D
hope nigel is okay. he sounds bad):

anyways. we brought th dog for his grooming thing. then we went to thomson plaza after that, and i got my stuff. and a really huge cup of coke, which i finished, haha. wait should i admit that? hahaha. den mum was looking for the s'pore encyclopedia cause her name is there. at acknowledgements -.- oh well. GO MUM!(:

after we bought some stuff from cold storage. went home. haha. so wells. here i am i guess? haha. just watched the s'pore idol thing. th repeat. NORMAN CAN SING BABY! YEAHS! hahaha. righttt okay sarah. haha. me and dad are evil. we went to ask grandma who she think will win? what she said.

mathilda.

go laugh(:
i love my family!

talking to hariz and weeshiang on msn nows((:
Oh mans. they're damn cute, i swear.
especially UNCLE WEE SHIANG! :DD heh heh. we're having loads of fun bitching about nicholas's stink ass and corn. heh heh.
I LOVE YOU UNCLE WEE SHIANG! haha.

anyways.
i just saw the sign on my brothers door. his handwriting sucks, so his A looks like U. but in small letters, i'm putting it in CAPS to make it more obvious. hahaha. so now, DANGER become DUNGER. hahaha.

gary you're an asshole for not calling me back that day. dammit man. YOU MADE ME SO FRIGGING WORRIED LUH! goshness. i swear man, you better be okay. i'm always here if you need to talk, or just rant. i seriously dont mind dude, go ahead(:

eugene wong: dude, i hope you;re alright. you know im here if you just want to rant. i know you'd do the same for me(: i'll keep my mouth shut whenever. you know i will. hope it all goes fine.

his latest blog post worried me

rahhh. im working on a new songs now(:
but i'll figure out the chords and notes later.
the tune is stuck in my head.

My life is hopeless, Nowhere to turn. Where do I fit in, Where do I belong?
where will i go
darkseed

2006-09-30T23:00:00.001+08:00

i am, at the moment, totally extremely WASTED.
i am physically dead and mentally i cant think. i need sleep. but i'll blog first.

so anyway, after sleeping at FOUR AM last night and waking up at ten. i had my breakfast yada yada. i was talking to don chua online and he offered to teach me maths. so he called, and taught. yayys. THANK YOU DON!:D then ayleen called me and asked me out (FINALLY! YES THANKYOU!) so met her at junction eight to study. but she was about one frigging hour late. and me, the idiot, stood for one hour waiting. hahhaha. i just dont like sitting around, ALONE you know. find it extremely bo liao. so she owed me a drink! :D coffee bean. YAYYS THANK YOU! hahaha.

we bought her nail buffer/file we cant tell the diff now, and went to macs. she kept doing her nails. haha. so now they're smooth but not shiny. so vain. HAHA. so am i, but about my hair. hahaa. hate my hair. rahh. then louis came to disturb us. he brought his fender stratoscope to make me jealous. fucking asshole. hahha. he sucks man. rahh. ayleen left for orchard after that and i bought my HERSHEYS KISSABLES and me and him ate them on the way home. he walked me back, thanks dude!(: oh and i kicked him on his injured leg. now, its really red and swollen. haha. suckerrr. kidding. heh. IM SO SORRY! i mean it! he dropped me off at the lift, and i gave him the chocolates but he didnt want, so he threw them at me -.- ass. so i threw them back. heh heh.

AYLEEN I AM SO SHOCKED AT YOU.
goshness.

haha. random yeah. haha. so i went home after that and louis went who knows where. oh. orchard. i went online, played game a bit, then left for yishun. i studied there okay. i studied really really hard! i did alot of maths and geog. im on chapter 37. will do the rest tomorrow. heh heh. was frigging cold cause i forgot to bring my jacket.

oh and theory: indian people love to do it.
HAHAHA. why? cause their population rate will go up to 1306 million by 2030. dammit man, i started laughing to myself when i saw that in my geog book.

jun jie didnt come down.):
CONGRATS ON YOUR LISCENSE JJ KOR! :DD
now I know who to call when i need to go out. heh heh.

after that we went to jurong to have dinner. jeff asked me out but i couldnt make it): so sorry jeff! after exams yes? loves many! we went to the night safari. haha. as in, just eat at the food court thingy there. hahaha. i didnt eat much, been losing my appetitie recently. and FINALLY, today my ice blended mocha from coffee bean and cookie dough ice cream from ben&jerrys cravings have been satisfied. i just need to satisfy my cravings for:

cookie monster mudpie from NYDC
something from starbucks i havent decided what yet
cherry garcia ice cream from ben&jerrys
and
lunch/dinner at marche.

I'LL BE TOTALLY HAPPY!(:
of course, who's free? :D

cant go eat alone. so boliao. haha. and i saw the people playing with the fire thing. it made me think of the risks we take in life and how dangerous it all can be, but how much we love it. and personally, i love playing with fire. something in it that makes me so amazed. just staring into the centre flame.

oh yes. my finger hurts. edited ALL my phone contacts, so it's not so ahlian. pain. and i messaged alot today too. looks like my normal message quota is back!(:

rahh. im tired. i need to sleep before i die.
mass tomorrow.
earlyearly long day):

should i bite my tongue, until blood soaks my shirt. we're never far apart, so tell me why this hurts so much.
until the day i die
story of the year

i leave you with the candle flame,
to see my soul inside.
see the love i cannot claim,
and the things i hide.

2006-09-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

i am, at the moment, totally extremely WASTED.
i am physically dead and mentally i cant think. i need sleep. but i'll blog first.

so anyway, after sleeping at FOUR AM last night and waking up at ten. i had my breakfast yada yada. i was talking to don chua online and he offered to teach me maths. so he called, and taught. yayys. THANK YOU DON!:D then ayleen called me and asked me out (FINALLY! YES THANKYOU!) so met her at junction eight to study. but she was about one frigging hour late. and me, the idiot, stood for one hour waiting. hahhaha. i just dont like sitting around, ALONE you know. find it extremely bo liao. so she owed me a drink! :D coffee bean. YAYYS THANK YOU! hahaha.

we bought her nail buffer/file we cant tell the diff now, and went to macs. she kept doing her nails. haha. so now they're smooth but not shiny. so vain. HAHA. so am i, but about my hair. hahaa. hate my hair. rahh. then louis came to disturb us. he brought his fender stratoscope to make me jealous. fucking asshole. hahha. he sucks man. rahh. ayleen left for orchard after that and i bought my HERSHEYS KISSABLES and me and him ate them on the way home. he walked me back, thanks dude!(: oh and i kicked him on his injured leg. now, its really red and swollen. haha. suckerrr. kidding. heh. IM SO SORRY! i mean it! he dropped me off at the lift, and i gave him the chocolates but he didnt want, so he threw them at me -.- ass. so i threw them back. heh heh.

AYLEEN I AM SO SHOCKED AT YOU.
goshness.

haha. random yeah. haha. so i went home after that and louis went who knows where. oh. orchard. i went online, played game a bit, then left for yishun. i studied there okay. i studied really really hard! i did alot of maths and geog. im on chapter 37. will do the rest tomorrow. heh heh. was frigging cold cause i forgot to bring my jacket.

oh and theory: indian people love to do it.
HAHAHA. why? cause their population rate will go up to 1306 million by 2030. dammit man, i started laughing to myself when i saw that in my geog book.

jun jie didnt come down.):
CONGRATS ON YOUR LISCENSE JJ KOR! :DD
now I know who to call when i need to go out. heh heh.

after that we went to jurong to have dinner. jeff asked me out but i couldnt make it): so sorry jeff! after exams yes? loves many! we went to the night safari. haha. as in, just eat at the food court thingy there. hahaha. i didnt eat much, been losing my appetitie recently. and FINALLY, today my ice blended mocha from coffee bean and cookie dough ice cream from ben&jerrys cravings have been satisfied. i just need to satisfy my cravings for:
cookie monster mudpie from NYDC
something from starbucks i havent decided what yet
cherry garcia ice cream from ben&jerrys
and
lunch/dinner at marche.

I'LL BE TOTALLY HAPPY!(:
of course, who's free? :D

cant go eat alone. so boliao. haha. and i saw the people playing with the fire thing. it made me think of the risks we take in life and how dangerous it all can be, but how much we love it. and personally, i love playing with fire. something in it that makes me so amazed. just staring into the centre flame.

oh yes. my finger hurts. edited ALL my phone contacts, so it's not so ahlian. pain. and i messaged alot today too. looks like my normal message quota is back!(:

rahh. im tired. i need to sleep before i die.
mass tomorrow.
earlyearly long day):

should i bite my tongue, until blood soaks my shirt. we're never far apart, so tell me why this hurts so much.
until the day i die
story of the year

i leave you with the candle flame,
to see my soul inside.
see the love i cannot claim,
and the things i hide.

2006-09-30T00:39:00.000+08:00

whoops
i just realised that i DO watch anime.
me and audrey identified the one i watching a long time ago
GUNDAM SEED
or destiny.
well, whatever was before that.

damn. and i thought by no anime thing would keep up. haha
i'll go find on youtube later!:D
or wells
who wants to watch with me?? :D
more fun. HAHA.

2006-09-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

"she's pretty, she's sexy,
she's funny, she's nice,
she's beautiful, she's thin,
she's perfect, she rocks your world.
she's everything i'm not.
how can i show you that i can be all you want?"

2006-09-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

WAYNEWAYNEWAYNE! :D
im talking to him on msn. heh heh.
LONG TIME NO CHAT YESYES.
i dont care how random i am now. haha.

by the way.
25 MINUTE POWER NAPS COMBINED WITH SHOWERS ARE TOTALLY REFRESHING!
i swear.
oh and talking to al. brandon too -.-
he made me put that. (alexavier lah.)
cause i was having a twentyfive minute power nap, den he called. woke me up. ASS. hahah. we had a twenty minute chat then i had a shower!:D
i havent talked to him for DAYS. at least we chatt-ed
oh and my nap was interuppted by a WRONG NUMBER. rah. so annoying.
totally hyper nowww. haha.
waiting for al. issac((((: to call me now.

anyways.
today was a pretty.. isolated day for me? yulica didnt come to school today, hope you're okay babe! and vivian and mandy both were sick. so mandy escorted vivian around to wherever they went. so i was like, alone? haha. well not really. just my usual cliche not there. so i spent chinese with FELICIA and science with ESTHER! i LOVELOVE you guys! hope the 3 moimoi's are okay though..(:

maths was okay.
THANKS NIGEL!(:
i know how to do some already okay! like, just careless mistakes. haha. ms teo gave us BISCUITS. i had a few. last real school day. no more lessons. YIPEEEEEEEEEE. haahah. right okay. i had sugar tea. and mandy owes me 2 bucks. so i'll have 2dollars on monday! yayy. richness. HAHA.

CME i played guitar again! i brought my file so everyone was requesting stuff -.- but th songs in there arent as nice. annabelle is obsessed with more than words!:D haha. recess was spent upstairs listening to my mp3. english, i slept. AFTER doing SEVEN maths questions okay! then i slept. hahha. surprisingly, chinese i didnt sleep. chinese and PE usually give me automatic headaches! :D hahah right. but i didnt sleep, i "copied" down some stuff (more like random decorating of names.) and watching audrey go high. really scary. AUDREY WENT SUPER THE FRIGGING HIGH! audrey does not go high. imagine, turning around finding a girl who usually whacks you hard and loves being sarcastic giving you a freaky smile and go "hurr hurr hurr" and clap her hands.

eww. freaky. haha
I LOVE YOU AUDREY!
chinese class must go high!
irritate lao shi.

during geog esther made me take out my contacts. and i dropped one! damn. hahah. so was searching for it when belle came in:
I LOVE YOU BELLE!
I OWE YOU GUITAR LESSONS NOW!
yesyes. SHE found my contact :DD haha
but there was something frigging stuck inside! imagine, walking around with a loose contact, a black dot moving around in it every time your blink, and the excruciating pain.
ouch.
only managed to take it out after oral!:D

SCIENCE. SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO FUN!
esther rocks. haha
ms au is BO-RING,
so me and esther tied our shoelaces together, BOTH SIDES, and randomly did stupid stuff:D
we even tried walking but with not much success. haha. i'll put the photo below :DD

I LOVE YOU ESTHER!
WIFE NUMBER ONEONEONE!:DD

OHOHOH.
I HAD CHINESE ORAL.
hahahaha. shit man i hope it makes you laugh.
lao shi gave me one mark for every point i made. the bloody topic was about what im happy or not happy about with it school. i told her my friends rock, the teachers are nice, the food is good, the toilets are SMELLY, exams come too fast, that laoshi rocks, and that esther is CUTE!(x
i cant remember th rest. but i know i got 11 for speech.
screw reading. i failed.
i failed the whole thing.
haha.

(ps:IM TALKING TO AL. ISSAC! :])

lao shi made me go for oral today cause she caught me at macs with nigel and audrey yesterday. she apparently didnt see me in class -.- so whatever. haha. i was keeping a low profile anyway. didnt wanna get caught for skipping oral again. haha.yes. AGAIN. haha. but she caught me and made me go for oral today. oh wells. haha. at least i didnt get zero! *grins*

so anyway. after that i met louis. he's evil. he gives me evil smiles when we talk about the things i want and he has. like the 4gb nano, nokia N73, FENDER STRATOSCOPE! asshole. i hate him. hahah. anyway, THANKS FOR LETTING ME EAT YOUR FRIES. and his stupid tongue piercing got stuck in the straw-.- and he still kept doing it. haha.
WE SHOULD LUNCH MORE OFTEN MAN. it was funnn.(:

went to meet joanne and joel at J8. heh. we bus-ed to their house and we (me and joanne) studied for about an hour while joel watched his bloody eddie izzard videos and south park. haha. it was funny and DISTRACTING though. oh yeah. when i dropped my science book, he carry for me. hahha. i was struggling lah so yeah, THANKS JOEL!((: everytime i go out with them, i become their sister for a day! haha, joel lyn, joanne lyn and sarah LIN. hahah.rights.

after that i had to rush home (okay no rush. 5mins away only.) cause had piano. and ryan was throwing a tantrum. apparently he kicked her until she kena bruise and swollen. ASSHOLE. and he spat on the floor, a RIVER of spit lah. then he threw the tissue outside and broke the fishing rod dad whacks us with -.-
crazy luh he. mum made him follow aunty cora around until she accepted his apology. she cried. aww, i love you aunty cora!((:
dont chase me with spatulas anymore.

had my lesson, was pretty relaxed cause we were bitching about my brother. yes. sandra cher and me.
ohoh.

I PASSED PIANO EXAM! RIGHT ON THE DOT.
YAYY. SO GUITAR CLASS AINT CANCELLED DADDY
WHOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

frigging happy lah. at least i passed. hahah. dad cant cancel guitar class. yayy. haha. now, i'm stuck with the decision of attempting grade 5 next year. i think i will. haha. then after that, next 2 years i slack cause of Ns and Os. rah. im taking english Os at N level year. i dont care. i think i can handle it anyway. my iTunes is weird today, btw. haha. random.

rights.nothing else to blog about. hahah.
OH YEAH
HARRY LEE KUAN YEW IS FUNNY NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS!(:
haha. sorry. no disrespect meant man, its cutely funny. heh heh.

I LOVE YOU!

Desperate for changing, starving for truth. I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you. I'm falling even more in love with you. Letting go of all I've held on to.
hanging by a moment
lifehouse

I LOVE YOU ESTHER!(:

2006-09-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

alexander.
here's the answer to your question(:
you didnt want it to be brief.. so yeah. here it is.
anyway.. i would have answered it myself anyway. its something i think about constantly.

how do you pretend everything is okay when its not?:

how do i do it..? i always wonder. today i thought about it properly. now i kind of understand whats in me.

frankly, i do it by putting a smile on my face. by laughing. by going high and retarded. by being in a super mood that makes everyone smile and laugh along with me. i just dont show my real emotions, if not, just a little bit. people will be affected, they'll ask you whats wrong, they'll be all sad too. i dont want people to go all sad and angry for me. there;s times i let it slip. there's times it all comes out. usually, it doesnt. no one asks me how i feel, so i dont bother to tell.

whats the use anyway, right?

it's not easy to keep a smile on my face when everything else is so wrong. when i'm tearing myself apart inside, when i'm thinking up new ways to torture myself. while doing all these things, im laughing along with everyone else. comforting people, telling them not to cry while i myself am crying.

comforting people is not easy, it makes me feel better when i'm able to do it. when someone feels better because of me. it actually makes me feel wanted. like i can do something, at least, if not for myself, for someone else.

so honestly.. i dont know how i do it. all i know is why i do it:
it's best to just hide everything so the world cant see.
and honestly you know they dont care.

thats another reason why, NOT HOW. (duhh.) and yeah. like i said. i dont like to put people down too):
im sorry for everyone i put down.

of course. now this is more reason for everyone to either dont bother about me, or actually begin to worry.
it's all up to you of course.

there it is.
my whole heart opened up to you.

and now i just wish my life was alot better.

i love you alexander issac wee!(((:

2006-09-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

hey people! :D
im feeling kinda sad right now):
after reading HIS thinggg.
i reaslie,
we're not close.
i think too much and hope for WAY too much.

another disappointment in my life.
add it to my list of failures.

give up sarah. givegivegive up.):

anyways.
school today was a bore. i was freaking tired, and mr bacon balls didnt come for class, so i slept(: even if he did come, i woulda slept. i ignored dr forster during history and just, yesyes, SLEPT. -.- but i still heard what he was talking about lahh.. the stupid separation of s'pore and malaysia. uhhuhs. and how malays used to populate GEYLANG. now prostitutes take rein there.

oh by the way
LEE KUAN YEW'S ENGLISH NAME IS HARRY.
HAHAHA.

i dont know why, but that makes me laugh.
and laugh and laugh.
IM SORRY NIGEL AND AUDREY! i kept going high and retarded while walking to macs, i embarassed us. hahaha.

PE, i skipped again. who cares anyway. but whatshername is EVIL. made the muslim girls walk 4 rounds. hello, fasting?
i'd die anyway.

RECESS! :D
i had 3dollars and 50cents to spend today okay!
IM RICH!
richer than yesterday. which was only 2bucks. now i have zero dollars. whatever lah. end of my month is coming((: and i topped up my card already! heh heh.
and i lied to mum telling her i used my ez link card to pay for lunch so need to top up again. when i spent it.
shh. secret((x

me and ryan are okay!
iloveyou.

hmm. okay during maths. i didnt sleep. ms teo made me do a question on the board. an easy one. but i didnt know the whole thing -.- thanks grace! and she caught all of us for our bras, i was wearing dark blue. bleah =P whatever yeah?
haha. MAMORY GLANDS! :D
inside TWOFIVE joke! thanks ms. teo, for the laughs!

after school, me and audrey went off to meet NIGEL!:D he was late. so we went to popular for a while. den he came so we went MACS instead of church. cause i wasnt sure if de study room was open, which it was. whoops. hhaha. nigel let me drink his coke unlike audrey! heh heh. coke fix for the DAYS, but it wasnt enough. so i just used my ez link card. dun care alr. haha. then we saw felicia and colleen, so went out to greet them! :D they came in for ice cream and the three of us (me nigel audrey) continued with out work.

THANKS NIGEL FOR TEACHING ME MATHS! :D
i owe you!<3
oh wait i lent you the book and CD already.
and your bag is LIGHT.

he was the one who told me about the harry-leekuanyew thing. haha. i think its DAMN funny luh. wtf. harry. hahahaha. tom dick and harry. oh shit there i go again.

anyway.
at least todays study session was PRODUCTIVE. usually, it isnt. HAHA. cause i learned MATHS. yayyee. i know that Amath formula!:D

tomorrow.
its gonna me a yee hah day. HAHA. im supposed to bring my electric and jam with rebecca -.- girl, its HEAVY! and no amps in school. rahh. forget it. i'll just bring my 2file of songs and i'll play your accoustic! :D
on second thought i'll bring just ONE file. the lastest one with the nicer songs!:D

meeting louis for my so-called"lunch"(more like watch HIM eat) and then JOANNE!:D to study. heh heh. maybe she can teach me maths?

but can anyone
HELP ME WITH MATHS SATURDAY/SUNDAY? pleaseplease? :D
i actually want to pass maths now. how weird.
me is goin' crazy.

anyway.
im hungry so i'm going to find something to eat.
and think of the answer to alex's question):
XANDER.
NOT XAVIER.

soon the rain will stop falling, baby. and I'll forget the past, cause here we are at last.
fixing a broken heart.
indecent obsession.

2006-09-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V0JOBxkGx0

go there me and screw them.

anyways. i feel like blogging again. haha.
today had been a day of sending and recieving song after song. and shitty weird stuff.hahah.

THANKS SEB, ALEX, MICHELLE! :D
loves!<3

me and alex have been sending each other rock punk stuff! :D hahah. he has stone temple pilot stuff! hahah *screams* now i have more of STP((:

oh and seb and i went crazy. sending each other retarded stuff. of course got send nicer stuff luh. hahah. not THAT boliao.

michelle! thanks for NARCOLEPSY by 3EB. mine is weirdly damaged -.-
I WANT PERSERPHONE TOO!

rahh okok.
now better pay attention to audrey and nigel!(:
byebye!<3

And I hold my breath till it's more than I can takeAnd I close my eyes and dream that I'm awake
narcolepsy
third eye blind

THANKS MICHELLE! MUCH LOVE! ((:

2006-09-27T19:06:00.000+08:00

i was in a bad mood today.
frigging pms-y shit.
but im not pmsing. right. okay.
im NOT pmsing. just in the mood. kept snapping at everyone):
IM SORRY YULICA VIVIAN AND MANDY.
I know you guys are only looking out for me, cause of my chinese. but really, i've tried so hard. but its just gotten worse. i had tuition for years. but it didnt help. i'm hopeless lahh, i wont even try. to me there's just no point.
especially yulica. i kept snapping at you in the library.

eh heh. vivian's english has improved cause of me!(:

okok
time for TODAY.
we had mass. farewell for the sec 4s. it meant alot to me actually. cause ive been missing mass for soo long and today was actually meaningful. except mandy kept distracting me lah):

after that four of us had a chat with the OM. hahaha. whatever luh. oh when he runs, he looks like a frigging overweight soccer player. -.- ew guhross.

ohoh. and
MARK IS HOT.(:
i didnt say anything! haha.

after that went for chinese class. i was stoning. as usual. wee shiang messaged me. the guys pangsehed me, once again luh. idiots. anyways, whatever yeah. oh and justin hasnt replied me yet):

recess was pretty uneventful, unless you count my CHEESE SAUSAGE! :DD heehee. so nice. right okay sarah.. after that SATAY pang seh me. so i just went home.

i learned new songs myself! :D
i wanna learn the way i feel. ITS SUPER NICE LUH. you can ask me for it yeah((:

i topped up my card already! heh heh.

rahh.
WHO'S FREE ON FRIDAY????!

yulica: its not supposed to be told to anyone lah. hahah. so eeyerrr. shh(: hahahaa. you and your stupid emoticons. freakkaye.
aleXAVIER: congratulations on dumping the bitch, idiot. hahaha. tell her to screw off lah. such a gdkusygasgdkusgf. she wanna play, tell her call me. we go play monopoly. i'll kill her with the shoe.
aleXANDER: hey unexpected call from you this afternoon(: surprisesurprise. but it was nice to here from you yeah. glad to hear you're doing fine and michelle too. dammit man i miss you! you, me and dom shall meet soon yupp? GELARES BOY! you still owe me that treat!
nicholas gan korkor: hey you! relax over prelim results yeah? i dont think you did THAT bad. anyhooo. you're still great! and you still have time to study for Os! i know you'll do great, because i have faith. :DD LOVELOVE!

oh and i just had dinner!:D
my grandma is DAMN funny. she watching batman and robin that show. den she telling us what its about. apparently, batman and robin are PADRES! aka, PRIESTS! HAHAHAAH! oh mans. what the hell righT? and she tell me to pin up my fringe cause if not i'll go blind. -.- oh and. the other day we were looking at the orbituaries (sp?), talking about this guy that died. then she cut in and said, oh he died huh? then we said,yesyes he died. then she carried on muttering oh he died ahh.. so sad he died.. so sad. he died..hmm.............WHO DIED?
ahahahaha oh mans nana i love you!((:

oh and mummy is EVIL!! ((((x she just now walk into my room and borrowed my books, then standing behind me, she said, guess what! then she hit my head really hard. -.- oh and me, she, aunty pearl, and aunty cora all supposed to go and beat DONOVAN HO up. haha. stupid asshole. bully my brother into all those shit. and yesterday she called me a bitch! :D cause we were going through my drawers, and i told her there was a dead cockroach underneath. insta-fear reaction. BOOM. "you bitch!"
haha. the boom was from the dropping of the drawer and jumping up. mummy! i love you!(:

I'm not here for your entertainment.You don't really want to mess with me tonight.Just stop and take a second.
U and Ur Hand
pink

2006-09-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

(by the way, this is the IDONTKNOWHOWMANYHUNDREDTH time im doing this post. SO ITS GOING TO BE VERY SHORT. well. shorter.stupid window keeps CLOSING!)
rah.
my brother has been listening to the same bloody song again.
and again.
and again.

jumper by third eye blind.

i must admit though, he has good taste! :D
of course. he got all his songs from ME. unless you count linkin park. im not really into them yeah.. seriously, most of the songs? I INTRO ONE :D

yayy
no promises by shayne ward finally finish downloading!(:
okay that was a hint.
GO DOWNLOAD. ITS NICE!

anyone wants to pleasepleaseplease go study?

hahah. weird. no one wants to go study, and i desperately want to. wth lah. haha. im going crazy. again. hahaha. ahh the song SO SO nice.

damn. its gonna rain ):

arrgh. saturday nigel cant teach me maths. ghdlfqglidgcdsligad. but maybe thursday can! :D whew. haha. i actually want to learn maths now. dammit. im such a loser. shouldnt have slept in class lah. arghhh.

at least tomorrow im studying. haha. like me and the guys will actually study lah. so we wont go church! me and nigel will go on saturday! :D

anyways.
today i was GUAI okay. i never bring my phone today lorr. and my MP3 too. so the bus ride was boring and so, i fell asleep. -.- my MP3 keeps me awake in the morning bus ride, cause if i fall asleep in the bus, the rest of the day will sleep one. haha. so yeah. i was nodding off in english exam.

sighs.
probably why i didnt have any inspiration for compo. rah. wrote only 2 pages instead of the usual 5. MY CONTENT MARKS WILL GO DOWNDOWNDOWN. shit man. i know compre and situational will be okay. but not sure if can defend my position and reach 90+.

okay so after that i went home. i think. i cant remember already.

den the stress began): stupid ryan. make me cry for half an hour. den i told on him.. cant take it alr lahh.. damn. hope he doesnt hate me. he got whacked for like, half an hour too.

oh and i found my red cross tickets.
THANKS MUM! :D

‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight,And I know I need you in my life. Yes I hate the way I feel inside, And I promise to make the sacrifice.
the way i feel
12 stones

2006-09-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

"sometimes i just look in the mirror,
to see the girl staring back at me.
maybe just to see me.
the real me. underneath the everything.
then i realise, i dont know her anymore."

rahh. okay. random ranting. sighs. i'm just not myself these few days. i tend to notice a real distant look in my eyes.. okok. get to the happier stuff sarah!

anyways. today it RAINED during assembly. then it poured. and i had a sudden urge to just run out in the rain and get soaked to the skin. matched my mood anyway.. rah. anyways. we had english after that. and THATS when my body decided to get tired -.-. considering i slept around two am last night its not surprising. but im surprised it took so long to kick in. anyways, i slept in history too. den we had science lab -.- hate it. miss au was pmsing, well. more than usual.

then we had recess and i left my wallet in class. so i didnt eat anything luh. wasnt really that hungry anyway. after that was maths? i was wide awake. haha. tried to sleep but couldnt. rahh okayyy.. then we had art and ms ho was weirrddd. OH AND STUPID YULICA THREW HER APPLE TEA AT ME! bitch. haha. stupid. thought she wont really throw. haha. i was sticky sticky! and mandy went crazy in the toilet. oh and so did i! but not in the toilet PLEASE. haha. i went crazy when i saw my MITCH MEIMEI! michaela! haha. i called her then i ran away screaming its not meeeeeeeeee. she's carrying a bowling bag to school. wicked smaht. -.-
haha.

after that had PC and rearranged our desks den we had house elections. whatever. voted anyhow. who cares luh. all of the seem soo fake, like, OHMYGOSSSHHH! eww. bimbos. hahah. right sarah. right. oh now im talking to myself! haha. okok. when we got back from the hall, the lockers in which some people guai guai keep their phones in the locker, but not me lah obviously. haha. phone no money also. wtf. heh. so yeah, those people who keep, the locks kena kiapkiap and the phones capo liao.
I MEAN: the locks were cut and the phones confiscated.
must practise good english for tomorrow. ah screw it. who cares! wont defend my so called title anyway. ): have this feeling.
oh and yulica's phone got stolen. whoever that bitch is, she;s SCREWED. touch HER phone but cannot touch mine. kena sai lah. move our bags, on our phones. seriously, what is your probleM? it goes out to you, whoever you are, YOU ARE DEAD.

after that we kinda had a rush here and there. yada yada. went to see mr jiow and tried to find mr tan (HAHA.) but couldnt so we had lunch. for me, not really lunch. didnt exactly eat luh. but whatever. den we went to leave our stuff for afternoon study then for ART- SOVA. whatever right? haha. i think i did badly anyway. went up to afternoon study after th exam and MISS K let us listen to our mp3! :D thanks ms K!

oh and HUICHEN! THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME ASK! I JUST WANTED YOU TO FOLLOW ME! i owe you SO much now, next time we go out, lunch is on me kayy, babe? :D it wont be enough. BUT I'LL TRY! :D

after that jiarong and his friends fetched yuls and ice fetched vivian. rahh. no one fetch me): hahah right okay.... sarah. no guy wants you.! yayy -.-
low self esteem. shit.
so i took bus to martins place, learned IRIS and a whole lot of other stuff. polished up, JUST A LITTLE BIT, the solo-ing technique. i'm still kinda bad. and he taught me a more funky-country era strumming for kryptonite. but i kinda forgot it -.- haha. later i shall go try! oh and solo for iris is a bit fuzzy now.. maybe cause i havent tried it out on electric yet, just on the classical. where it sounds SO weirddd.

okay so that was my day.

OH AND JONATHON LOST!):
oh wells
CONGRATS HADY! :D YOU DESERVED IT!

i LOVED the medley luh. and the rahimah rahim one! :D i want the WHOLE collection of the medley thing. MAN. norman did it real well okay! SEE MUMMY, HE CAN SINGG! :D yayy. supersuperstarr. right. i cant sing. FOR NUTS.

oh and MR TAN. haha damn funny. we all went to see him, stupid lah he. accuse us. den when he was telling ME to go general office, he said, ELEPHANT office. right okay.i was trying not to laugh this ass off. or surely an earthquake would be set off. damn sarah. you suck. haha. apparently, i'm low profile. but not really. i'm okay i guess. just know when to keep my mouth shut and draw the limit.

hmmm. i wanna start walking. HAHA. okay random. as in you know.. just going out for a walk. maybe i;ll start at the canal tomorrow... yeahs. i just need to clear my thoughts. anyone want to come with me? just for a chat. to catch up. slow slow walk. i need to think anyway. any takers? i'll be doing it very often i guess.

hady won so i cant eat dinner. CURSE YOU HADY!(: kidding. haha. anyway even if JON won i wouldnt eat. so honestly, i havent had a proper meal since breakfast. rahh. who cares luh. no appetite and no mood to eat.

"feeling so undermined, misused,

unappreciated and sad.

now I wonder if everything,

has been the way it's supposed to go?

when I'm stuck in the in between,

it's like, it's all about you.

when I feel like shit too, hope you know."

me is gonna sleep! :D byebye!(:

i remember you and me used to spend, the whole goddamed day in bed
losing a whole year
third eye blind

2006-09-25T00:36:00.000+08:00

rah.
i cant believe im still online. but i cant get to sleep. haha. thinking of leaving my comp on until tomorrow morning. weird. but i want to. i usually dont. haha. okay i think i will.okay maybe not.

i should be SLEEPING
i so will not be able to wake up tomorrow.
alrights.
cant take it. gonna force my way to sleep.

alex, seb. if you read this lah. haha. i'm off too sleep alr. heh. i'll send you the song another time seb. Al, dump her. NOW.
actually i'm not sure if seb is offline or not. cause of my comment on "if you recommend another disney song i'll take back my comment on your good music taste!" or something like that. rah. cannot be. he's nicer than that to take it to heart. :D

and also. i dont know if alex actually meant that he would come online, or just to please me. damn. i feel like crap. cant help my friends.

yulicaaaa. FEEL BETTER OKAY BABE?(:

nigel. i swear, i mean it. i'll always be here for you no matter what and no. you dont change my mood at all. you're my friend, and i care ffor you. i'll always be here for you.

off to pack my bag. then sleep. GOOD NIGHT ALL! :D

Well, I lie and I'm easy. All the time. but I am never sure why I need you.
song 2
blur

(yes song 2 is REALLY the title. nice song. rockkkk.)

2006-09-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

rahhhhhh.
singapore idol is oveerrr. haha. im frigging bored now luh. daddy wont lend me his iPod to listen to cause he's uploading songs inside. evilevil. his songs are real nice there! but his earphones are like, MIA, so he has to borrow mine! :D i'll give him the screwed up ones. (x

my mouse went haywire just now. and when i ran off to get new batteries so i could game with nigel, the internet let off -.- den when i came back online, he went off too. right okay. oh and clarification: he didnt block me. later den i go edit the other post!(:
at least he's feeling better.

oh and i must admit: playing with lighters in front of the fan is actually fun. crap man i suck.

rahh. okay. now i owe seb an apology: I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY I KEEP SPELLING YOUR NAME WRONGLY AND I KNOW YOURE NAME ISNT BRANDON IM JUST A REALLY STUPID FEFFED UP GIRL. my hearing got some problem lah okay? i heard wrongly but i den i realised yeah, i was wrong. im sooo sorry. rahh. okay *BANGS HEAD ON WINDOW* sorry. haha.

ooh the song two steps behind is real nice! i had seriously no idea it was by def leppard.

anyways
todays singapore idol was a bit of a disappointment. JONATHON SHOULD HAVE SUNG MORE ROCK SONGS LORR. like stone temple pilots again. plush suits his voice like dhskagdkasd. haha. but he didnt do well with it the other time. hady did amazing of course. though on the last song i tuned off cause jon didnt do well and i didnt like the song. i was basically listening to dads iPod. rahh. im so jealous. i want an iPod! no kind soul out there gonna buy for me so im not gonna ask. HAHA.

during idol me mum and ryan went CRAZY okay. i swear, it was damn freaking fun. mum and dad and ryan were trying to spell out HADY with you know, their bodies. and got 3 of them so easy lah. me? only one person trying to spell out jonathon -.- and mum was so cute. her H was a T. HAHA. i cant do Z. like what the hell super random lah. haha

and when they were giving the numbers, the ONE and TWO part. me and mum would poke each other with our fingers and daddy jumped us when we werent looking :D haha. so cute. oh and ryan is sneak doing his homework in the bathroom again. like i used too. ooh man. taking a leaf out of my book huh.

"wherever you go,
I'll be two steps behind."

aww so nice. two steps behind by def leppard. who wants? :D

confession: i didnt do any studying just now. i played my game.

NIGEL ANG! CHEER UP! saturday man. you owe me maths tuition! :D

ALEXAVIER BRANDON TAN YUE SHENG! if you dont dump her, i'll dump you in the bloody huge trash can your mother INSISTS on having. i'm serious. i'll make you fit, somehow.

off to go study! byebye! :D (no i'll REALLY study this time.)

it's like rain on your wedding day. it's a free ride when you've already paid.
ironic.
alanis morrisette.